Is it better for children to live in school or go to school? Are there any dangers in boarding too early?

Two days ago, I saw a particularly heart-wrenching video. In the video, in the dark night and the empty corridor, a girl in the second grade of elementary school cried heartbreakingly for her mother in the corridor of the dormitory school, one after another. It was so heartbreaking. One netizen left a message saying: I lived on campus for the first time when I was 16 years old. I cried so much at night that everyone in the dormitory was crying. The girl in the video is only 7 years old, but she has to grow up overnight and face everything in life alone. How painful must she feel inside? Once, Li Shanshan, a first-year junior high school student, wrote an article called \”Sleepless Night\”, describing her boarding life: lying on the bed, quietly looking at the upper bunk, without feeling sleepy. I miss home, my father, and my mother. At this moment, there should be no lights in the house, right? Mom and dad should be asleep, right? …Thinking, thinking, a teardrop slid down my face and dripped on my pillow, which became a little wet. I sat against the wall and looked at my watch subconsciously, but it was completely dark and I couldn\’t see anything clearly. I touched a book casually and flipped through it randomly. Tears fell on the book like broken beads. I hugged my legs, lowered my head, let the tears well up, and silently thought about my parents. One o\’clock, two o\’clock, five o\’clock… just like that, it\’s dawn. I spent the night without sleep. If you read it carefully, every sentence touches your heart, and each stroke expresses the girl\’s lovesickness, sadness, and helplessness. The book \”The Most Beautiful Education is the Simplest\” points out: \”Children leaving their parents too early to live \’independently\’ will cause irreparable trauma throughout their lives. This level of trauma is equivalent to the grief experienced by adults when they lose a loved one.\” Many parents ignore the dangers of early boarding. Boarding, cutting off the parent-child link. In the variety show \”Youth Talk\”, a girl in the second grade of junior high school shared her boarding story. Because her parents were busy with work, she had lived a boarding life since she was a child. A complete set of 33 classic Chinese studies books that children must memorize [PDF + read with children\’s voices] After school every day, she watched the children being taken home one by one by their parents, but she could only face the nights without their parents alone. . Day after day, until now, ten years later, what she longed for most was still for her parents to take her home. She cried and said: \”I feel like a child in an orphanage. I have been alone since I was a child. I want to be a child with a mother.\” As teacher Yin Jianli said: \”Children who grow up in the boarding system are… Half an orphanage child.\” They have problems and setbacks at school that they have to deal with on their own. I failed in the exam, was scolded by the teacher, bullied by my classmates, and had no one to talk to. Their parents are not involved in their joys, sorrows and joys. There is a kind of pain that you can only grow up alone even though you have parents. Boarding thus cuts off the emotional connection between parents and children. I think of the writer Wang Shuo. He was sent to a boarding school when he was only one and a half years old. He went home only a handful of times a month. He was not taken home until he was 10 years old. This led him to once believe that children were born by the state, that there was a factory specifically for giving birth to children, and that they were placed in a nursery to raise them together. When he grew up, he described his relationship with his parents in \”A Letter to His Daughter\”: \”I don\’t remember ever loving my parents. When I was young, I was afraid of them. When I got older, I started to annoy them, and then I became indifferent to them. , just meetNoisy; later, I looked down on them and avoided them. On the one hand, I feel that I have a responsibility to them and should be kind to them, but I just can\’t do it and I can\’t even pretend. \”Parents and children, who are blood relatives, are so alienated from each other, which is really heartbreaking. In fact, the relationship building between children and parents requires the length and frequency of time together. The younger the child, the more love he requires from his parents. If children are sent to boarding too early, they will not only lack the nourishment of the family atmosphere, but also lack of emotional communication with their families. If intimacy is not established, the kite string connecting the child to the family will become thinner and thinner, and eventually it will even break. Children who live in school too early are more likely to have psychological problems when they grow up. On Zhihu, a highly praised post said: “Boarding school is a self-contained small society, with truth, goodness and beauty, but also falsehood, extortion, insult and bullying. Ling. You don\’t know why those seemingly innocent children can sometimes be so ugly. \”Yes, sending children to boarding early and forcing them to be independent will cause far more harm to children than we imagine. In terms of character, from the perspective of children\’s growth and character development, 0-3 years old is the first time for children to establish safety The important period of emotional awareness is that the age of 3-6 is the initial formation period of the character, and the age of 6-12 is the solidification period of the child\’s character. At this stage, what the child absorbs in the environment will have a great impact on the child\’s character. Netizen @moshangyan was sent to boarding school at the age of 8. For a long time, every day when he woke up, he would feel a sense of abandonment: \”Why don\’t my parents want me? \”In elementary school, because he was afraid of being isolated, he learned to watch people\’s emotions from an early age and carefully please teachers, dormitory aunts, and classmates. In junior high school, school children like to form cliques. Because he is weak, he is often bullied and treated as a follower. He ran errands for his classmates, did shopping, wrote homework, and did laundry… In high school, in order to cover up his inner loneliness and fear of interpersonal communication, he clearly longed for friendship, but pretended not to care and stayed alone every day. He said: “I am very independent now because I know that the only one I can rely on at any time is myself. \”Now, he has a very negative personality, withdrawn, low self-esteem, sensitive, and stubborn. At the same time, because of his personality, it is difficult for him to establish close relationships with others. Now, he is 40 years old, but he is always alone. Psychologically, he has a very negative personality. The survey \”Survey and Analysis of Mental Health Status of Boarding Middle School Students\” shows that 44% of students have psychological problems, of which 3.4% are severe and 8.0% are moderate. Such data is not difficult to understand. Professor Li Meijin has long given An explanation is given: In the early days of humankind, children were raised one-on-one, and children were sent to boarding schools too early. Parents were unable to provide their children with one-on-one emotional relationships, and they would have many psychological problems as adults. Girl Ruoruo, in school After three years of boarding, she became tired of studying and anxious. When her parents took her to see a doctor, she was already mildly depressed. It turned out that Ruoruo was naturally introverted. Her grades were not outstanding and she was not talkative, so she was always poor in class. She had a dispensable existence. When she returned to the dormitory after school, she had no friends to talk to. Once in the middle of the night, she had a stomachache and was sweating, and it was difficult to get out of bed.She gritted her teeth and waited until dawn before going to the infirmary alone for treatment. When she returned home at the weekend, she no longer had the desire to talk. In fact, it\’s not that she doesn\’t feel aggrieved and doesn\’t want to talk about it, but she knows that it\’s useless to talk about it, and she\’s used to keeping everything in her heart. Because her parents always said, \”Why are you so squeamish? Why are you not used to it? Why do people only bully you? Can\’t you reflect on yourself?\” Over time, no matter what happened, she was able to find herself through twists and turns. The reason is that I am convinced that it is my fault. Negative emotions cannot be released for a long time and accumulate more and more, eventually leading to depression and illness. British economist Adam Smith once said: \”Children separated from their parents for a long time will cause the most fundamental damage to family ethics and family happiness. Nothing can make up for the harm caused by boarding life to children.\” Just like a fish needs water, a child\’s growth naturally requires the company, guidance, and care of his parents. If the growth conditions are not met, it will naturally be difficult for children to grow up healthily. No matter how good a boarding school is, it cannot replace parents. CCTV celebrity Bai Yansong once said: \”Family education determines a child\’s life.\” In an interview with a program, he said categorically: \”I would not let my children live in school even if they killed me. \”You know, Bai Yansong and his wife are very busy at work, so sending their children to live in school will make them much more relaxed. But Bai Yansong is determined not to let his children live in school. He said: \”Even if my wife and I will work very hard for this, such as picking up and dropping off in the morning and evening, etc., we may have to pay a lot, but isn\’t life like this?\” Yes, no matter how good it is Boarding schools cannot replace parents. Parents are their children\’s first teachers and should shoulder the responsibility of education. Recalling my cousin\’s experience, after giving birth to her second child, she sent her daughter, who was in the first grade of junior high school, to boarding because of limited energy. In this way, she saves her the \”trouble\” of picking up and dropping off her children every day and supervising their children\’s studies. The children can also avoid running to and from school, freeing up more time to study. But after one semester, my niece not only had a mess of grades, but was also full of swear words. Only then did the cousin learn that her niece had joined a \”gang\” at school. She didn\’t study well every day, ran out to fool around as soon as school was over, peeked at novels during night study, and copied her classmates\’ homework. Indeed, although the school is strictly controlled, it is not a 24-hour system. Teachers get off work after school, and the head teacher has to face dozens of classmates, and it is difficult to take care of every child. Without the one-on-one supervision of parents, children are naturally prone to bad learning. But later, my niece was not only admitted to a key high school, but also grew up very well. She was polite, independent, and loved by everyone. It turned out that after the semester ended, my cousin transferred her niece to a day school and insisted on having \”a conversation,\” \”a walk,\” and \”a light\” with her every day. That is to say, chatting with the child, walking with the child, reading with the child under the light, providing high-quality companionship to the child within a limited time, and maintaining a good parent-child relationship. It can be seen that good education can never be limited to the classroom, but also in the eyes and patterns of parents. Excellent children must have parents who are always offline, steering the helm and holding the sails for their children. Because it is the teacher who teaches, but it is the parents who educate people. After all, no matter how good the boarding school is, it cannot guarantee that the child will be good.Bad conduct cannot give children excellent habits, let alone long-term happiness. As teacher Yin Jianli said: \”Parents are the best teachers, family affection is the best nutrition, the dining table is the best desk, and home is the best school.\” Parental upbringing is the soil for children to grow, and parents Your guidance and companionship are the bright lights on your child’s path forward. I hope every parent can firmly believe that my child’s growth is my responsibility. Light up [Like], I hope all children can grow up healthy and strong with the company and love of their parents!