Is it difficult to get along with adolescent children? Please remember these 9 words: don’t care about three things, don’t get used to them, don’t say anything about them.

\”Being with a baby is like being with a tiger!\” This may be the voice of every adolescent parent. As the saying goes, a child\’s growth depends 50% on talent and 50% on family influence. Although adolescence is a rebellious period, parents’ communication and education methods are also critical. Master these 9 words and easily unlock the password of \”difficult parenting\” in adolescence. The children\’s own affairs – Don\’t care about the children\’s homework 1. Don\’t care about the children\’s homework whether it is completed or not, it always drives parents crazy. Play mobile phones and games, and never write until the last moment. Many parents feel that it is their responsibility to remind their children to do their homework and arrange time for them. As everyone knows, this approach of crossing the border is actually doing a disservice. When parents become overseers and children become slaves, they cannot \”work\” seriously. Because slaves don\’t care about the quality and progress of the project, they will only passively slow down work and rebel! Teacher Wei Zhiyuan clarified the origin in the book \”Master Teacher\”: Homework is a matter between the child and the teacher, and has nothing to do with the parents. Family education is the parents’ business. Returning control of homework to children and cultivating children\’s ability to manage themselves is the goal of education. 2. Don’t worry about hobbies. Some children prefer calligraphy, painting, and dancing; others are keen on star chasing, rap, and games. It is a good thing for children to have unique hobbies. But some parents think that their children are not doing their jobs properly and are doing evil things. This kind of thinking is disrespectful to children and destroys creativity. Hegel said that a profound and broad mind always extends the field of interest to countless things. Research shows that the hobbies that children persist in from an early age will become their core competitiveness in the future. Hobby is a habit and a process of developing an ability. 99% of successful people are guided by interest, and then continue to pursue and strive for it. The more humble a hobby is, the easier it is to develop into an unexpected miracle. Don\’t let your strength ruin your child\’s potential for success. 3. Don’t worry about your child’s privacy. A visiting parent said that she secretly checked her child’s phone and found that her daughter was having a lively chat with a boy. Because she was afraid that her daughter would fall in love prematurely, she took the initiative to communicate with her. As a result, her daughter said that she had invaded her privacy, had a big fight with her, and locked herself in the room. Entering adolescence, the \”separation\” mentality between children and their parents becomes intense. In \”Youth Psychology\”, German educational philosopher Spranger pointed out that \”locked-in\” is the main characteristic of adolescent psychology. This closed nature is not only reflected in the refusal to communicate, but also in the rapid expansion of self-space needs. Wanting to have their own room, a private diary, friends that adults don\’t know about… these are all signs that children value privacy. Without privacy, children have no boundaries for themselves. Only by cherishing your child\’s secrets can your child gain self-esteem. Bad Habits and Principle Issues – Three Dislikes 1. Bad behaviors cannot be tolerated. Adolescent children have high mood swings and strong self-awareness, and may engage in extreme behavior. Some time ago, the video of \”a 15-year-old boy beating his mother violently in a subway station\” made people feel chills down their backs. The boy was like a wild beast, punching his mother on the chest and cursing \”X your mother\”. This kind of bad behavior may harm parents at least, or may lead to crime at worst. And my mother fights violence with violence, smashed the phone to pieces on the spot. As the saying goes, accumulated illness becomes disease, and accumulated illness becomes epidemic. All seemingly vicious behaviors are inseparable from children\’s daily habits. Children\’s disregard for rules is related to their parents\’ upbringing. Parents should not only stop their children\’s bad behavior in time, but also learn to set rules. The earlier you set the rules, the better. Don’t wait until a catastrophe occurs and then regret it. 2. You can’t get used to eating well and being lazy in doing things. Filial piety comes first among all good deeds, and laziness comes first among all evils. Don\’t think that as long as you let your child \”concentrate on studying and do nothing\”, you love him. Independence is a sign of a child\’s maturity. Doing everything for your children is depriving them of their right to independence. Remember Wei Yongkang, the prodigy who was dropped out of school? At the age of 13, he entered a key university, and at the age of 17, he studied at the Chinese Academy of Sciences for a master\’s degree and a Ph.D., but was dropped out of school because he could not take care of himself. Basic self-care ability is a need for children to survive. As the saying goes, when things go to extremes, they must reverse. If parents are too doting, their children will suffer backlash. Letting children sit back and enjoy their success will only lead to giant babies who achieve nothing. Letting children \”do their own things\” is the greatest responsibility parents have for their children. 3. I don’t know how to be grateful and I can’t get used to it. The children in the past had five or six brothers and sisters, but now the children have the whole family surrounding them. In many families, seven or eight adults surround the children, which can easily spoil them. As long as the child has needs, adults will respond one after another, giving the child the illusion of \”getting what you want.\” This will cause children to: First, lose their judgment on life and become self-centered. Second, they focus on their own standpoint and do not know how to be grateful to their elders. I have seen a video of a girl studying abroad in Spain. Because she felt her parents gave her too little money, she declared on social media: \”Swear my dad once and post a nude photo.\” She went through all kinds of hardships to send her child abroad, but she was raised as a wolf. A child who is ungrateful is not only selfish, but also has a surly edge. It is in line with the old Chinese saying: spoiling one\’s son is like killing one\’s son. Words that hurt children\’s self-esteem – Three Don\’t Says 1. \”You must listen to me\” No one wants to communicate with someone who is \”always right\”. Overlord and emperor-type parents do not realize that the words \”you must listen to me\” put an invisible shackles on their children. For adolescent children, the dangers of authoritarianism are twofold: first, it hurts children\’s self-esteem, dampens their autonomy, and makes them lose their judgment; second, it causes children to be rebellious, appearing to be pseudo-obedient, but in fact they may break out at any time. I have been treating patients for many years, and I have seen children who were forced to jump off buildings by their parents, and I have also seen children who severed ties with their parents as soon as they entered college. It\’s not that the child is extreme, but that the parent uses his power to destroy the child\’s soul. In the name of doing good for the children, it is essentially a form of bullying. 2. \”Look at other people\’s children\” and like to compare is a common problem among Chinese parents. \”Look at other people\’s children, and then look at you!\” Song Li, a family education instructor, mentioned the harm of the siege and comparison method to children. I\’m not good. Other people\’s children are better than mine. No matter how hard I try, I can\’t defeat so many people. My parents like others but don\’t like me. I have low self-esteem. Using \”other people\’s children\” to defeat my children hurts their self-esteem and destroys their self-confidence. Comparison itself is correct. Through comparison, we can better detect and fill in gaps and learn from each other\’s strengths. But you have to use the right method, for example, you canUse the \”cross comparison method\”: compare with your past self, and you will be confident when you see progress; compare with people who are similar to yourself, and be comprehensive but not blind. The \”cross comparison method\” can make children feel the trust of their parents and enhance the parent-child relationship. It can also give children confidence and promote their progress and growth. 3. \”I do it all for you.\” I often hear visiting parents say: \”I work so hard for my children, why doesn\’t he understand my painstaking efforts?\” Moral kidnapping of children is essentially selfish. This kind of dedication is only moved by the parents themselves. For a child, hearing these words is not a feeling of emotion, but a feeling of guilt: It is all my fault that my parents are so tired. This kind of mentality makes children breathless and burdened with heavy pressure throughout their lives. Loving children is definitely not kidnapping them in the name of love. Parents and children depend on each other, are independent of each other, understand how to put themselves in each other\’s shoes, and can also give to each other. This is a healthy and mature parent-child relationship. \”Xun Zhi Zhai Ji\” writes: To love one\’s son but not teach him is to not love. Teaching but not doing good is just like not teaching. Properly disciplining children is a compulsory course for parents. Give your children room to grow, help them grasp the scale, and know how to speak well, so that children can grow up in an environment full of love. As a parent, you must not only love your children, but also know how to educate them. Only in this way can we truly help our children grow up healthily!