Is it great to make money to support a family? Being a stay-at-home mother in China is a true warrior

The National People’s Congress and the National People’s Congress were still in session, and I happened to see a name I was familiar with—National People’s Congress Representative Huang Xihua. I interviewed her before when I was a reporter, and she was already paying attention to population and family planning issues at that time. This time, she said in the media that she would submit a proposal \”on incorporating infant care into government public services\” and would also specify the leading department. In human terms, this suggestion is that the government should run childcare centers so that mothers who cannot take care of their children by themselves have another option. This is definitely the sentiment of many mothers. Many mothers around me are powerless to have a second child, and having no one to take care of them is probably the biggest obstacle. In fact, in Japan, which is next door to our country, public nurseries have been implemented for many years, but we are still in the stage of suggestions and appeals. It is quite helpless to think about it. What’s also frustrating is that since we don’t have children to take care of, we have no choice but to resign and stay at home, but China’s stay-at-home mothers are as unwelcome as ever. Compared with Japanese stay-at-home mothers, it’s a completely different picture. Sense of security My sister once stayed in Japan for more than a year and made several friends who were stay-at-home mothers. She told me that the entire social environment in Japan has taken the role of stay-at-home mother for granted. Because everyone feels from the bottom of their hearts that it is natural for mothers to take care of their children, and there is no reason for the elderly to help. This directly leads to the fact that after young Japanese girls get married and have children, they usually return to their families and try their best to be a good mother. What impressed me the most was the famous Japanese actress Momoe Yamaguchi. She was already popular in Southeast Asia at the age of 20, but she suddenly announced her retirement at the age of 21. From then on, she took care of her parents and children at home, and became a housewife with peace of mind, which she did for more than thirty years. There is also the innocent actress Maki Horikita who announced her retirement from the Japanese entertainment industry at the end of last month. She is only 28 years old this year and just became a mother at the end of last year. She released a letter through her agency, which she wrote: Now I am a mother. For the sake of my family, my husband and I decided to quit the entertainment industry after discussing it. From now on, I will do my best to protect this family. This is true for such a beautiful Japanese actress, let alone an ordinary woman. They almost always choose to be stay-at-home mothers when their children are young, which is an important investment in their children\’s life. But the mothers around me quit their jobs because they wanted to take care of their children. They usually had to make a lot of determination before they dared to take this step. Because I feel so insecure! Chinese people generally believe that without economic independence, it is difficult to be independent in personality. Our definition of a person\’s value is always based on how much money he earns. Once he gives up this pursuit and withdraws from social competition, his status will plummet. There are also some unknown fears lingering in my heart. For example, once you become a full-time mother, it will be difficult to find a job; you don’t have to dress yourself up at home every day. If you become a yellow-faced woman, your husband will also have an affair; children If you don\’t grow up as you want, your efforts will be in vain… Just thinking about this, I don\’t know how many working mothers, no matter how inconsistent with the elderly\’s parenting philosophy, can only swallow their anger and beg her to help raise their children. For the right to speak, please click here to enter a picture and description. It is so natural for Japanese women to return to the family. Of course, it is with them in the family,The treatment received in society is closely related. Compared with stay-at-home mothers in China, they are treated much better. Japanese stay-at-home mothers are not unemployed. On the contrary, they treat stay-at-home mothers as a profession. Since it is a profession, there must be a salary. The practice in Japanese families is that the husband usually hands over his salary card and lets the wife manage and manage the entire family. It is the wife who decides how much pocket money the husband can have every month. In addition to controlling the family finances, stay-at-home mothers don’t have to worry about pension security. After Japan’s social security reform in 1985, housewives were able to receive national pensions without paying social security. After the revision of Japan’s income tax law in 1989, if the wife is a housewife, Housewives and husbands’ personal income taxes will also be significantly reduced. In Japan, the tax burden is not low. This approach is almost like the state paying full-time housewives in disguise. It sounds enviable. For another example, in our case, because the husband is the breadwinner of the family, cheating or divorce is the biggest risk for a stay-at-home mother. You must know that according to the new Marriage Law, if the man buys the house before marriage, the woman will almost have to buy it in the event of divorce. Clean up and leave the house, let alone future protection. After Japan introduced a new \”divorce pension pension system\” in 2008, housewives can automatically receive their husband\’s pension when they divorce, regardless of whether the husband agrees or not. The longer the marriage, the higher the division ratio. Welfare pension is Japan’s social insurance, similar to China’s social pension. Do you think Japanese men dare to mention divorce casually? These practices allow Japanese stay-at-home mothers to have more trust and voice in the family in a very practical way. My sister once visited a Japanese friend\’s house. After dinner, she wanted to take a photo with the couple. As a result, the friend solemnly asked her stay-at-home wife if she could take photos at home and where would be a better place to take the photos. My sister was extremely surprised. She thought to herself, can’t the male host even take the initiative in such a small matter as taking pictures? Later, a friend explained to my sister: \”Because my wife organizes everything in the house, if I accidentally take a picture of a place that she hasn\’t had time to organize, and let outsiders see the photo, they will think that she is not qualified as a housewife.\” , she will be very unhappy.\” After hearing this little incident, I have always admired the equality and respect of Japanese couples. There is no stay-at-home mother around me who can get all of her husband\’s salary. Usually, if you want to ask your husband for more family expenses, you have to have a good reason, and you have to rack your brains to hide some private money. What most Chinese men must be thinking is, I am the one responsible for making money to support my family, so why should I ask you for how much I spend? According to this logic, if a woman works tirelessly to raise children, cook, and do housework… all for free without any reward, what qualifications does a man have to demand so much? Sense of Identity Being a full-time mother is very hard. Whether a Japanese woman or a Chinese woman, she is busy 365 days a year, has no holidays, and is caught up in trivial matters for her family and children, with almost no chance to breathe. But the stay-at-home mothers I see on the streets of Japan are all energetic and calm. Their makeup is exquisite, their clothesDress appropriately and walk leisurely on the clean streets with your beautifully dressed children, holding hands, or using a sling or stroller, and the scenery can be featured in a magazine. My sister doesn\’t like makeup very much. When she walks on the street with her son, she instantly feels like a yellow-faced woman. I remember Noriko Irie, the mother of the male protagonist Naoki Irie in the classic Japanese drama \”Love with a Kiss\”. She is the classic image of a Japanese stay-at-home mother in my mind, and she is willing to show her smile generously to everyone. When their children grow up, they will meet up with housewives and friends to travel together to escape from the daily worries and trivial life and regain the strength to work hard. Japanese women\’s recognition of their identity as stay-at-home mothers is embedded in every corner of their lives without leaving any trace. However, in China, these are unimaginable for us stay-at-home mothers. Being able to chat with friends who are also stay-at-home mothers in the community is a rare luxury. What’s even more sad is that the people around us don’t seem to know what full-time mothers are busy with all day long. We feel that they are all idle women who don’t want to work. I have a friend who is a stay-at-home mother with a graduate degree. She works hard to take care of her children at home, but her mother-in-law dislikes her all day long. She secretly says that her graduate studies are in vain and she does not go out to find a job. I think of a husband who, when answering \”How much money does a man need to earn to support a family\” on Zhihu, wrote: My wife is a full-time housewife, but it is not me but her who supports the whole family. When I have a sumptuous meal every time I come home, when I enjoy all kinds of cakes and snacks that she made without any instruction with my children, when I see the balcony full of clothes hanging to dry, I can figure out how much time it takes. . The quilt is always fluffy and fragrant, the floor is always tidy, the tea is always hot, and everything in the house is in an orderly and vibrant state. Maintaining this state is extremely labor-intensive. This article moved many people because there are still too few men who can affirm the efforts of stay-at-home mothers in this way. I deeply feel that in Chinese society, there is too little favor towards stay-at-home mothers, too much prejudice, zero respect, and high demands. When can stay-at-home mothers be treated fairly by everyone like ordinary professions?