Is it just a politically correct statement that parents must love their children?

Regarding the question \”Why do some women hate having children?\” on Zhihu. An anonymous respondent\’s answer received nearly 50,000 likes. The answer is very long. To simplify it, it goes something like this: Answer: I don’t want to have children, otherwise the marriage won’t be possible. Husband: I listen to you. Let’s do whatever you say. Let’s get married first. (It’s not up to you once you’re married.) Husband, parents-in-law, parents: How can you not have children after you’re married? Respondent: When you say it is possible to give birth, it does not mean that it is impossible to give birth. Whoever advocates is responsible. Anyway, I won’t take care of the child, whoever you want will take care of it. Husband, parents-in-law, parents: OK, OK, we’ll take care of you. (Are you afraid that you won’t take care of your child when he is born?) Husband, parents-in-law, parents: You really don’t take care of your child? Answer: You promised me that you don’t need me to take care of the children. Husband: It’s so tiring to have a baby. If I had known I wouldn’t have kids. Respondent: My child likes me very much. Do you want to have another child? Husband: Please don’t. The respondent said that the period after giving birth was her most comfortable time. You can exercise, watch dramas, and play games in a relaxed manner, without the messy chores like feeding in the middle of the night or washing diapers. She even finished a super large RPG stand-alone game in her spare time. She plays the role of a \”good father\” in her life. At first glance, it seems that this is a victory for feminism, and people cheer for a woman who dares to declare war on traditional feudal decadence. In fact, the logic here is wrong from the beginning. It would make sense if taking care of children was replaced by housework, but the variable here is the children. So, regarding such a struggle, I have a question: Is the child a human being, as much a human being as the mother who gave birth to him? Is it possible to pretend to love him since birth and let him live a lie? Or parents can tell their children frankly: I don\’t love you, you are the product of compromise, no one loves you at all, we just need to give birth to you. So how should children face such a family? Is it fair to him? Or do you mean whoever gives birth to the child listens to whom? Wouldn\’t that be entering an infinite loop again? Since you don\’t like moral kidnapping by parents, what reason is there to kidnap a child? The Old Master has taught us for more than two thousand years: Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do to you. My friend Zebra told me that some people think that parents must love their children is just a politically correct statement. I think these people can go back and ask their parents: Have you ever loved me? I once wanted to raise a dog, but my mother scolded me and said, can you raise your dog well? I also said naturally: Then there is still you. She said: I don’t even want to raise a dog for you, so why should I help you raise a dog? My mother\’s joke made me now a staunch DINKist. If I can\’t raise myself, I might as well not have children. (Of course, my mother loves me very much. I knew it from the time she happily picked me up at the airport during the Spring Festival, hehe.) Therefore, the pursuit of independent women advertised by the lady on Zhihu is not the so-called independence. The minimum standard is not to cheat others. In the past, we talked about cheating parents, but now there are people who cheat children. The respondent said that being able to eat alone, watch movies alone, and live alone is considered independent? I don\’t think it counts. At best, it is called being able to take care of yourself. The so-called independence means taking the initiative when you make every choice.The power is all in your own hands. You can choose and you have choices, which is the essence of independence. Some people may say: No matter how independent a person is, there will be times when he compromises. Can’t independent women compromise? Can. But I also said that the minimum standard for independence is not to cheat others. What is the ability to cheat children? Just imagine, you have a colleague who boasts that he can complete the work independently, but then you have to wipe his butt after finishing the work. Are you happy? Is this called independence? What does it mean for an independent woman to compromise in marriage? My friend A Li came from the countryside and never went to a serious university. He worked hard step by step until now, he is in charge of a department and earns a lot of money, relying on his independence. She married young and had children early, meaning that most of her success came after childbirth. Like many women who are advertised as independent, she is very busy at work and does not take care of her children very much, but she loves her children very much. She always puts them first and takes care of them every day in her spare time. However, behind her brilliance was an unhappy marriage. Although her husband was rich, he was idle and engaged in domestic violence when he was drunk. Many friends advised her to divorce, but in such a family, the child cannot be taken away. A Li said: I still have a child, he is still young, and I don’t want him to feel that his mother doesn’t love him, so I left him. I could totally walk away and have mentioned divorce, but now is not the time. I can live without my husband, but my childhood cannot be complete without my children. When he becomes sensible, he will support my leaving. A Li is an orphan, and she knows how precious family ties and childhood are to a child, because she once had nothing. I know that sooner or later she will get divorced and fly away. Now she may not love her husband, but she will not abandon her children. I think her biggest wish is that when she grows old, her son will visit her often. This is called the compromise of independent women. It doesn’t mean that you just give birth to a child if others force you to do so. You can have a child without any emotion or sense of responsibility. You are happy, why should your child suffer this? In fact, among many young couples around me, the father wakes up at night to coax and look after the children. A few days ago, a senior fellow student advised me: Whoosh, if you want to have a baby earlier, after you turn thirty, you really can’t get up in the middle of the night, and the next day the world is spinning. When giving birth to a child, who will take care of it has never been the core issue. The core issue is whether you want to have a child or not, and whether your husband will pamper you or not. A husband who dotes on you will take the initiative to get up when your children cry at night and let you sleep peacefully. A husband who doesn\’t pamper you, then again, why would you marry? In our generation, or the previous generations, many people get married not because of love, and not many people have children because they like children, but just to continue the family line. But since we have all learned to pursue love, why not give birth to a child out of hope and desire for life? Since you don’t want to live in a loveless marriage, how can you force your children to live in a family without family affection? Does your conscience really not hurt? China still has a long way to go for equal rights. We oppose men becoming hands-off shopkeepers after giving birth to children, we oppose fatherless parenting, and we oppose women becoming fertility machines. However, are we also opposed to motherless parenting and using children as a tool for women’s revenge? It is precisely because of the awakening of womenAnd rationally, we should not suffer the children. A truly independent woman can choose someone who loves you and loves you to be with her for the rest of her life, she can choose to have a child or not, she can choose everything she wants to do, and she can refuse everything she doesn\’t want to do. Some people say: A man\’s promises should be fulfilled, and the things he promised should not be left to women. Therefore, women must stick to their own position, and if they say they won’t give birth, then they won’t. If I have to give birth, then get divorced. Therefore, I firmly oppose the practice of not treating children as human beings. You can not give birth to children, but you cannot cheat them. My old colleague said: In the past, I walked in line with my parents\’ hopes and could not deviate even a step. It is precisely because of this that I hope that my children can have a life and choices that they like. This is the attitude a person who wants to have a child should have.