Is stimulating education useful?

During the Mid-Autumn Festival, a day of great reunion, my cousin’s family spent it in the hospital. His daughter attempted suicide and was diagnosed with severe depression. I couldn\’t believe it at first. I had met her during the summer vacation. What a smart and sensible girl she was. My cousin said that in the new semester’s opening test, my daughter ranked fourth in the class. The cousin didn\’t want her daughter to be too proud: \”What\’s fourth place? You have to be better than the top three, then you are really capable.\” My daughter was not convinced and said that the total score of first place was only 23 points more than hers. The cousin\’s sister-in-law irritated her daughter again with sarcastic words: \”You have 23 points more than her if you have the ability? Just use your grades to speak for me. Everything else is nonsense!\” My daughter was so angry that she locked herself in the room and refused to open the door. My cousin-in-law shouted outside the door again: 10 Recommended Classic Family Education Books, \”If you have the ability, stay away for the rest of your life! If you come out, I will lose. I don\’t know what your virtues are? You are a spineless thing…\” At ten o\’clock in the evening , there was still no movement from the daughter, so the cousin found someone to force open the door and saw his daughter with her wrists cut. There was also a \”suicide note\” left on her desk: \”I just have no ability, no ability, no spine. I am worse than garbage. I am not worthy of being your daughter. I will not get in your way anymore…\” I heard that my cousin When I saw my daughter\’s bleeding arm, I fainted on the spot… As the saying goes: There is dragon spring on the tongue, and there is no blood in killing people. I have seen it today. Once upon a time, I envied my cousin\’s sister-in-law for her sharp tongue. She could teach her children to be obedient, excellent and motivated with just a few words. Only now did I realize how much humiliation and stimulation was hidden under her sharp teeth, and how much resentment, grievance and helplessness lay behind her well-behaved and sensible daughter. What seems like a routine provocation actually leaves the child scarred. Children who are often provoked are physically and mentally tortured. I watched a popular short video. The mother held up the medicine and asked her son: \”Are you a man?\” The son wanted to win and lose, so of course he wanted to be a man. The mother took the opportunity to persuade her: \”If you are a man, just drink this medicine!\” The son picked up the medicine without hesitation. After just two sips, he couldn\’t hold on anymore and put down the cup with a sad face. His mother mocked him in a very contemptuous tone: \”Can you drink? If you can\’t drink, don\’t drink…\” Is this looking down on others? The boy drank the rest of the medicine in big gulps. The moment he put down the cup, the smile on his face disappeared. Many netizens praised the mother for her ability to trick her children. In fact, linking the issue of children taking medicine with \”whether they are men\” makes the small matter of taking medicine burdened with too many things such as face, dignity, responsibility, etc., which invisibly puts a lot of mental pressure on the children. In order to save their own image and honor, children are forced to do things that meet their parents\’ expectations, not from their inner motivation and interest. Taking medicine can be tolerated, but what if it is difficult for other children to do it? I saw a story on Douban about a girl who lived with her grandmother when she was a child. Her grandmother often spoke harshly, which made her very uncomfortable. She accidentally spilled the soup pot, and grandma opened her mouth and said, \”You are really capable! You are so big that you can\’t even carry a bowl.\” Her new clothes got dirty after wearing them for a day, and grandma said again: \”Don\’t take it off, just wear it when you go out and see if others laugh.\” Her grades were not as good as those of her brother. Grandma added: \”Look at your brain, you are not happy when I say it. Next time you surpass your brother, let everyone see what you are capable of.\” … There were many other trivial matters, and she had accumulated a lot of resentment towards her grandma. Every time at this time, her father would advise her: \”Grandma is doing this for your own good, and she hopes you can change her ways in the future. Don\’t be so petty and always get angry with the old man…\” Slowly, she began to doubt herself, Deny yourself and feel that \”no matter how hard you try, you cannot satisfy others.\” Even my father thinks there is nothing wrong with grandma, so does that mean he really has a problem? Are you really bad, stupid, and worthless? She had random thoughts and irritations every day, couldn\’t sleep well at night, and couldn\’t concentrate on her studies during the day. Her grades plummeted and her energy became increasingly depressed. Later, she was diagnosed with depression, and her mother took her back to her, and she slowly improved. Children\’s mental development is immature and they are easily influenced by other people, especially family members. If his parents often put him in a situation where he is ridiculed, sarcastic, and derogatory, no matter how strong his heart is, it will be poisoned beyond recognition. Using aggressive methods on a child is tantamount to placing the child in a toxic growth environment, which will harm him sooner or later. To destroy a child, just keep stimulating him. There is a question on Zhihu: What impact does parents\’ long-term use of stimulating methods have on their children? The questioner said that every time his parents talk to him, they are stimulating, and they always say \”If you have the ability, you will do it\”, \”If you have the ability, you will do it\”, \”If you have the courage, you will do it\”. Ever since I was a child, I have never been praised. No matter what I do, it is always wrong. It seems that I can\’t do anything, and I am a waste. \”Now I am extremely disgusted with others using aggressive tactics on me. It is so serious that when others use aggressive tactics on me, I will lose control of my emotions on the spot!\” Why do children hate aggressive tactics so much? Because the essence of provocation is to belittle and humiliate. These irritating words cannot wake up the child, but will only knock him down. I read a piece of news: My daughter did not perform well in the college entrance examination and her grades were not satisfactory. She was already very painful and self-blame. After her father learned about it, instead of comforting her, he irritated her with harsh words: \”Why don\’t you just die if you do so poorly in the exam?\” What was just an angry remark that was blurted out turned out to be the straw that broke the camel\’s back. The girl no longer had any desire to live, left a suicide note saying \”I disappoint you\”, and then jumped to her death. To destroy a child, it only takes one word to irritate him. The more people he cares about the most, the greater the stimulation to him. What could be more hurtful to a child than verbal stimulation from a loved one? Li Jinbo, an expert in applied psychology, once said: \”I have only seen radical tactics in one kind of book: The Book of War. There is only one target: the enemy. There is only one goal: to stimulate the enemy. Whenever parents use radical tactics to cultivate their children into talents, then It has nothing to do with the provocation method, it’s because the children themselves are particularly strong.” Provoking a general often only results in anger. Children who are emotionally out of control, in order to prove that they are not as unbearable as their parents say, orIn order to escape from the current situation of humiliation, it is very likely that you will make impulsive actions and ruin your life. True love does not cause any harm. There is a dialogue between a mother and her daughter in \”The Story of a Young Man\” whose logic is absurd. My daughter\’s math performance was unstable, and she only scored over 50 points on one test. Her mother was sarcastic as soon as she opened her mouth: \”Oh! You are such a talent! If you do this again, you won\’t come to school anymore. Why don\’t you stay in school when it\’s cool!\” She asked her father to buy herself a skirt. When her mother saw it, She felt disgusted when she saw it: \”What kind of vision do you have? It\’s rustic, ugly, cheap, and childish. Why did you buy it? Do you want to make it a decoration?\” She felt that her mother\’s words were too poisonous, which made her very painful. But the mother said: \”My starting point is for your own good…\” Jane Nelson, a doctor of education, once asked parents: \”Where did we get such an absurd concept and believe that if we want our children to do To get better, do we have to make him feel worse first?\” Some parents may think that using provocation can make their children feel shame, then reflect on it, and become brave after knowing their shame. But in the name of \”for your own good\”, unscrupulous humiliation, sarcasm, and denial of the child will only make him feel bad about himself, but it will not make the child better. Because change from the heart requires strength. Truly wise parents will not hurt their children to change them, but use care and encouragement to let their children change for the better on their own initiative. I once saw a story on Weibo. A girl had poor learning ability and was slow to learn things since she was a child. Many of her classmates in elementary school had perfect scores, but she never passed the exam, and she was even kept by the teacher to tutor her homework. But every time she went back for exams, her mother never scolded her. She even said: \”It\’s okay, I did well in the exam, just don\’t make a mistake next time.\” Sometimes she was very sad and asked her mother: Am I really stupid? Her mother thought for a while and comforted her and said, \”You know? The bigger the pot, the slower the water boils. Their pot is small, so it boils quickly. But your pot is big, so you have to boil it slowly. You may not be as good as you now.\” Others, but you will do better than others in the future!\” She turned relieved. Her mother\’s repeated encouragement made her feel: It turns out that I am really not that bad. So even if she messes up, she will not use her power to feel guilty and self-blame. Instead, she will adjust her strategy in a timely manner and actively improve. She always believes that her \”pot\” is big, but she \”opens\” it slower than others, and it will gradually get better in the future. With this belief, she was finally admitted to the National People\’s Congress. \”It was my mother\’s encouragement that gave me a very good starting point.\” She thinks this is the most powerful thing her mother has done. As happiness psychologist Zhou Fan said: \”Guilt is the fastest thing to kill the sense of power. The more you judge or condemn others, the more you deprive them of the power to change.\” I want a child to become better. , the most important thing is not to make him feel guilty. Parents who truly care for their children will not make their children feel bad about themselves. Because the power that allows children to move forward must be accumulated bit by bit with affirmation and encouragement. The book \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”Children can only learn in a kind and firm atmosphere.Only by cultivating self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and the ability to solve problems on their own can they learn social and life skills that will benefit them throughout their lives, and achieve good academic results. \”Really outstanding children do not rely on the humiliation and stimulation of their parents. Rather, they receive timely guidance and help from their parents even though they have growth difficulties of one kind or another. The essence of education is to help children grow, not to give them Create trauma. Click [Like] and hope that every child can be treated gently and live a strong, confident, bright and free life.