Is the child making trouble unreasonably? It\’s a big problem if you don\’t handle it properly.

Last night, I bought some cakes before going home. Xiaobao had just finished his dinner, so I gave him a piece to eat by himself, while I fed him some broth and vegetables. Not long after, Dabao woke up, sleepily climbed onto the dining chair, and snuggled up to my back as softly as a cute kitten. I also touched him and kissed him. I continued to feed Xiaobao soup, and grandma handed Dabao warm water. He took a sip and said he wanted to eat cake. I subconsciously denied that I had to drink water first, then eat, and finally eat cake. He immediately became upset and refused to drink water. Grandma forced him to drink, but he pushed her hand and the bowl almost fell. The water spilled out, and grandma screamed loudly. Nervousness was contagious and he started yelling for cake. We scolded him and told him the rules, and he started crying. Baring its teeth and waving its claws like a roaring lion cub. (I rarely buy cakes from outside. I haven’t made an agreement on this issue yet, but now is obviously not the time to make an agreement.) Usually in this situation, there will be one of the firm, the arrogant and the neglectful, or two or three groups in the family. All kinds. The staunchists will make things go crazy. If it doesn\’t work, it just won\’t work. The parents are furious and the children are crying and screaming; the arrogant people will say that it’s up to you, okay, okay, let’s eat cake as food this time, let’s not make an exception next time; the neglectful people will say, sit over there and cry, you know that crying is It\’s no use. If you\’ve cried enough, come over and eat by yourself. Parents may simply throw away the cake and cut off their children\’s thoughts. It may also be wavering, firm at first, and then become helpless when the child makes trouble, and then become arrogant; or it may be arrogant at first, and the child will push the envelope, and the parent will become firm again. In the long run, children will have no rules and boundaries and will feel insecure. If a family has all three, it will escalate into family war, conflicts between husband and wife, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law… What should we do if the child makes trouble unreasonably? I only took three steps and everyone was happy. 1. A kind and firm attitude I asked grandma to go about her own business first. I closed my mouth, hugged Dabao, and waited for him to calm down. After a while, I smiled and asked Dabao if he could sit down and eat. He said yes, and immediately climbed onto the table, indicating that he wanted to eat the cake. You see, grandma made your favorite ribs…no! I emphasize not eating snacks before meals, and pastries cannot be used as meals. He started to kick his legs and then reached out to grab it. I put my arm around his shoulders and said, \”You must be very thirsty if you haven\’t drank water since you got up. Mommy, please stop feeding the baby. Can I give you some water first?\” He said yes. Xiaobao continued to eat the cake by himself, I fed Dabao half a bowl of water, and we stayed quietly for a while. When Xiaobao was full, his grandma took him to play, so I could focus on Dabao\’s emotions. ☞ Tips: Firmness is the bottom line for a certain thing, and kindness means that children can still feel love when they misbehave, rather than confronting them head-on. Therefore, at this time, parents can provide some reasonable services to restore the connection with their children. Connection is the prerequisite for correction. Although the child cannot achieve his goal, the sense of security will ease his emotions and prevent him from escalating his actions. If the cake is thrown in front of the child, the connection is broken, and the child may have an emotional outburst now or later. Traditional parents believe that to be firm, you must establish authority and make a bad face, so that children will be \”scared\”. Although this has short-term effectsHowever, as children grow older, parents must constantly upgrade their methods to suppress their children. Wherever there is oppression, there will be resistance, which breaks out in full force during adolescence. 2. Understand the beliefs behind the behavior Because the water feeding went smoothly, I discovered that his emotions were not only that his needs were not being met, but also that he was comparing himself to Xiaobao. Dabao calmed down a little, but still insisted on eating cake. I said, there are two choices, eat directly or eat later? it\’s up to you. He said forcefully that if you want to have your cake and eat it, you have to eat your cake and eat it too. Eating cake is not an option. It seems you are not ready to eat yet. Come down first and mommy will hug you… He pushed me away and refused to get off the table. The belief behind his behavior, I guess, is as follows. The first is that I haven’t eaten cake for a long time and I just woke up and don’t want to eat. The second is that when asking for attention, I need to be fair. If Xiaobao can eat it, why can’t he? The third is the struggle for power. Why does what the mother says count? Think about it, it’s the same for adults. It’s really painful when you can’t eat what you want, so why blame your children so harshly? I suggest that we break off a small piece, finger-sized, taste it, and then eat. He agreed. But when it was handed to him, he grabbed the cake and asked for a large piece. (It turns out that any temporary agreement is invalid. Children will make expedients and get it first before talking.) I immediately took it back and stuffed a small piece into his mouth. Me: Try it first. Is it delicious? Dabao: It’s delicious, I want more! (laughing) Me: Now you have the cake too, and the rest will be waiting for you there. Eat it after the meal. He was in a good mood and took a step back, asking for cake and rice. I said no. ☞ tips: Rules can be broken. Don\’t think that the rules are one-size-fits-all. You have to look behind the rules. What is the purpose you hope to achieve? For example, I don’t let my children eat snacks before meals because I am afraid that they will not eat regular meals. Too many children do this. But eating a small bite will obviously not affect the main meal, and it can make the child feel a little satisfied and fair, so why not do it? However, I can\’t accept cake with rice, which affects the nutritional balance of the meal. Worried about pushing too far? Don\’t worry, there is a third step. 3. Empathy. After speaking out the child\’s voice and observing the beliefs behind the child\’s behavior, you will be more confident if you know yourself and the enemy. At this time, you need to help the child express his feelings. No matter whether it is right or not, just ask for verification. The child will give direct feedback very simply. I touched his shoulder and said, you are angry, right? Because Xiaobao ate, but you didn’t? He said yes! So mom gave you a small bite, and Xiaobao also started eating cake after eating. You didn\’t see it because you were sleeping just now. He looked at me with wide eyes and wanted to eat cake. I said, Dabao really wants to eat a lot of cakes, it’s best to eat them all. (With very exaggerated gestures) Dabao nodded vigorously, yes! Want the most. (Make the largest circle with both hands) He likes to use the most to mean a lot more than a lot. Okay, let\’s finish the meal quickly, and then you can have as much cake as you want! He asked to eat 3 more bites of cake before eating. (It’s his expedient plan again, hehe) Don’t expose his “trick”. If you say, “Don’t you just push the envelope? Don’t you just want 3 bites, 3 bites, and 3 bites?” This will come back again. to power battles and debate competitions. And I showed him that there were several pieces of eggsAs for the cake, follow his words: How can I finish it in 3 bites? Can I finish it in 30 bites? Let’s count them together later! He laughed and asked for 100 mouthfuls! All belong to Dabao! no problem! So he started to eat. At first, he pretended not to eat this or that. After a few mouthfuls, the red mushroom soup made by his grandma was so delicious, so he started to eat it himself. He almost ate all the ribs. After happily finishing the meal, I gave him a piece of cake, but he only ate half of it and stopped eating to feel better… With his round belly, he smiled and the kitten came back again. This morning, when he saw the cake, he wanted to eat it again. In fact, I can accept eating cake for breakfast, but I still want to stick to my principles. As soon as he was told to eat after dinner, he agreed. ☞ Tips: The roaring lion needs to be calmed down, and the child\’s wishes can be exaggerated to make him feel that his parents understand him and are a united front rather than an opposition. If his wishes are seen, it will be easier to cooperate with the parents. But don\’t worry that he will really do this… For example, if a child goes to the mall to buy more toys than expected, and the parents don\’t agree, the child won\’t leave. Parents can say this: You feel unhappy, and you really want to buy whatever you want. It’s best to buy all the toys home, right? The child will feel understood, and if the parent still reminds and insists on the prior agreement to only buy one at a time and promises to buy another next week, the child will be more likely to abide by the agreement. Of course, the agreement skills involved are another important topic. Regardless, connecting first, empathizing second, and correcting last will make it easier for our children to cooperate with us. With a kind and firm attitude throughout, children will gain love, rules, security and self-discipline.