Is your child impatient? Indecisive? Just because you didn’t teach him the standards to refer to

A few days ago, Xiaonuo was hungry after coming home from school and wanted to eat the egg steamed buns he bought in the supermarket. I took out the frozen steamed buns and steamed them in a steamer, and began to prepare the evening meal. After a while, Xiao Nuo asked me: Are the steamed buns ready? I said it would be a while. Less than half a minute later, Xiaonuo asked me again: Mom, are the steamed buns ready? I said: Don\’t worry, be patient! After a while, Xiao Nuo asked me for the third time: Are the steamed buns ready? After learning that it would take a while, Xiaonuo finally asked me impatiently: How long did you mean by \”a while?\” I thought about it, told her it was 5 minutes, and asked her to go to the living room to see what time the minute hand was pointing. She said it was pointing to 2, and I told her that the steamed buns would be ready when the minute hand pointed to 3. After Xiaonuo said oh, he never bothered me again. He found a storybook and sat down to read in front of the wall clock. Five minutes later, she told me very excitedly: \”Mom, the minute hand has reached 3, I can eat steamed buns!\” After the child learned that \”a while = 5 minutes\”, the child changed from irritable and anxious to quiet and patient. This huge contrast in behavior made me start to reflect: I often criticize Xiaonuo for being too impatient and impatient. Is it because the child is really impatient, or is it because she lacks standards in her heart and doesn\’t know how much patience she has to pay? I remember telling Xiao Nuo a story once, saying that there was a hero who was very tall… Xiao Nuo pointed to the tall building next to me and asked me: Is it as tall as this house? Another time when I mentioned that the baby had just been born and had a very small face, Xiaonuo put his two index fingers just one centimeter apart and asked me: Is it just a little bit big? If we think carefully about our usual communication with our children, we will find that we often say to them: It won’t hurt after a while; you can wait until you grow up…; add a little bit of sugar…; a big, big piece Stones…all these descriptions of length, weight, and size are actually not suitable for children who are \”uninformed\”. Our conversations with our children are like a Chinese food cookbook, which is full of: \”Add a little salt\”, \”heat the oil to 70% heat\”, \”blanch the vegetables quickly\”… These descriptions are difficult for people with kitchen skills. It\’s appropriate, but for a person who has never cooked before, he can only be confused when he sees the recipe, and he doesn\’t know how to start, let alone make a decent dish. I have a Western pastry cookbook, which explains in great detail. For example, when making a cake, the amounts of various ingredients are precise: how many grams of flour, how many grams of sugar, how many grams of milk… Even people with no experience can follow the recipe. I can make a decent cake. The child is a person with no basic knowledge, and what he needs is Western-style recipes. So, the day before yesterday, when Xiaonuo fell and her knee hit the floor and cried out in pain, I helped her up, blew and rubbed her, and told her that the pain would stop in 5 minutes, and she sat quietly and waited. The minute hand points to 8. Because my attention was focused on the wall clock, my knee miraculously \”no longer hurts at all\” after 5 minutes. For children, certain standardsand rules can give him a sense of security, because he can make his own judgments about things instead of feeling completely unsure. For example, Xiaonuo knows that the steamed buns need to be steamed for 5 minutes. If they are only steamed for 3 minutes, she knows that they are not cooked yet and cannot be eaten; for example, she knows that there is a yellow safety line in the subway station, and it is not safe to stand outside the line… If we talk to our children When communicating, it will be much easier for children to understand if you use more specific words to describe it. When telling children about elephants, if you add \”can hang to the ground\” after \”the trunk is very long\”, the image will be much more vivid. Many times, when a child is hesitant or lacks patience, it is not because the child\’s character is not decisive or calm enough, but because he or she has not mastered the corresponding standards. This is not only true for children, but also for us adults. For example, if we are new to work in a company and a colleague is getting married and sending wedding invitations, we may not know how many red envelopes to include, because the \”standards\” of each unit are different. It is not good to give too much, and it is even worse to give less. At this time we have to understand the \”standard\”. I still remember that when the Wenchuan earthquake occurred, Andy Lau and other artists were the first to initiate donations. He donated 100,000, but was scolded by countless netizens because many artists donated 200,000. In fact, I think Andy Lau is quite unjust. Do you think he is short of 100,000? It’s certainly not bad! If he knew that everyone was donating 200,000, why would he only donate 100,000? He was one of the first few people to initiate the initiative, and his original intention was to take the lead. However, it was difficult to grasp the standard of how much money should be donated for the earthquake, and in the end it attracted a lot of criticism. You see, it’s not easy for adults to make decisions about things that lack “standards”, let alone children? The things that young children need to make decisions are relatively simple, and the \”standards\” they need are relatively simple. We can just tell them the exact data or an example to refer to. As the child grows older, the number of things that require him to make decisions independently will become more and more complex. At this time, we need to tell the child the rules that must be followed, not just simple indicators. For example, my eldest daughter Xiaoxi often asked me: Can I do this, can I do that? In the early years, I usually told her that it was okay, and followed it up with an explanation. Recently, I usually don’t tell her the answer directly, I only tell her the principle. It is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish! These rules include: no harm to yourself, no harm or obstruction to others, and no harm to the environment. Once you meet these three criteria, do whatever you want. But life is always changing. As the child grows, the problems she faces will become more and more complex, so complex that the three principles I told her before can no longer be solved. A few days ago, Xiaoxi and I were discussing the issue of bullying in school. Xiaoxi told me which classmate had encountered what kind of bullying and which classmate liked to bully others. We then discussed whether we should help the weak when encountering such a \”bullying incident\”, why we should help them, and talked about many difficult-to-decision matters. I don’t want to talk to Xiao Xi about “helping others”, “being brave when it comes to justice”, etc. These lofty principles will only arouse her great disgust and quickly terminate our chat. ITell her a new rule: seek \”peace of mind\” in everything! I shared two stories about myself with my children: When I was in high school, I took a shuttle bus back to school from home. When I bought the ticket, the conductor gave me an extra 50 cents in change. I hesitated for a while with the money, but decided to tell the conductor: \”You gave me an extra 50 cents.\” The conductor who had already reached the back row turned back, took the money and said thank you. Some people around me whispered: \”There is still Lei Feng these days!\” Actually, I am not imitating Lei Feng, I just think: If I don\’t return the 50 cents to the conductor, my heart will be uneasy, and I have to take the bus every time I go home. On the same bus, I felt uneasy every time I saw them… Another incident also happened in high school: It was a very cold winter, and my shoes were broken. I found an old man on the street to repair them for 2 yuan. I handed him a 5 yuan note, and he gave me 8 yuan in change. He probably recorded the 5 yuan I gave him as 10 yuan. I debated in my heart for a while, 5 yuan was almost my weekly groceries…but I quickly returned the 5 yuan to the old man. I didn’t want to think about it every time it was cold in the future. I don’t want all the old people to feel uneasy when I see this in the future. When I tell my story to Xiao Xi, I don’t want to discuss whether it is legal or not, or to promote the idea that it is good to pick up money. I just want to tell my children: When faced with a difficult decision, ask yourself how you can feel at ease. Going back to what she said about classmates being bullied, friends having unpleasant personalities and being isolated… Do you want to lend a helping hand? You can ask yourself: If I don’t reach out for help, will I feel uneasy in the future? But for peace of mind, I told Xiao Xi a new \”code\”. In addition to the law, I added this \”code\” to help me make decisions. There is a plot in the movie \”Perfect Strangers\” that particularly touched me: a 17-year-old daughter called her father and said that her boyfriend invited her to spend the night at his house. Both his parents were not at home today and she didn\’t know whether to go or not. The father asked his daughter how she answered, and she said: \”I don\’t know, but I want to go…but I didn\’t expect it to be tonight. If I don\’t go, he might be unhappy. What should I do?\” The father gently said Said: \”Don\’t go to his house because he is unhappy. This shouldn\’t be the only reason.\” Then he said a very warm words: \”What I want to say is, this is an important moment in your life, it is your It will be something that will be remembered for a lifetime. Not only will it be something to talk about with your friends tomorrow, but if you think about it in the future and whenever you think about it, it will bring a smile to your lips, then just do it! But if you don’t If you think, or are not sure, then forget about it! Because you still have a lot of time.\” Whenever you think about it in the future, if this thing will make you smile, just do it! What a warm and wise answer, this is another \”rule\” I want to tell my children.