Is your child “ruined” by mobile phones? Yulin parents collapse

During the summer vacation after graduating from elementary school, the \”war\” between Zhang Mei (pseudonym) and her daughter became more and more intense every time, and each time it started over the mobile phone. \”My daughter said that she is about to go to junior high school, and all her classmates have their own mobile phones.\” Zhang Mei found that her daughter in adolescence was becoming more and more rebellious, and she only thought about playing with her friends. If she bought another mobile phone for her, she would be worried. It became a \”wild horse running wild\”. The battle for mobile phones is taking place among many Yulin families. Will mobile phones really \”ruin\” a child? Why do mobile phones cause parent-child conflicts again and again? In this regard, Mo Hua, a national second-level psychological counselor and the head of Momo Psychological Studio, said bluntly: \”The mobile phone is innocently responsible for this blame.\” Children\’s desire to own mobile phones has triggered family conflicts this summer, because \”buying mobile phones\” Zhang Mei and her daughter Lingling (pseudonym) fell into a vicious cycle of \”quarrels and cold wars\”, which made her feel powerless. After the final exam, Lingling had a cold war with her mother over buying a mobile phone. She locked herself in her room and refused to even attend the class graduation banquet. Lingling insisted on buying a mobile phone because \”my classmates all have them.\” Zhang Mei, however, has her own worries and concerns: \”There is a popular saying in our parent circle: If you ruin a child, give him a mobile phone. There are countless real examples like this. My nephew carries his parents and teachers to school with his mobile phone. I stayed up in the dormitory at night and secretly played games. Not only did I spend four to five thousand yuan on gaming equipment, but I also fell asleep in class all the time, and my grades plummeted. My daughter was naturally playful and didn\’t like studying, so I gave her a mobile phone. , I couldn’t control it at all.” “I also tried to reason with Lingling and present the facts, but I couldn’t convince her. Many parents of prospective junior high school students have the same troubles as me, and after talking to each other, they all agreed that we couldn’t give it to her. When her children bought smartphones, they switched to children’s mobile phones with simple functions and good looks, but Lingling also refused to buy them, so she had to buy a smartphone. “Faced with her daughter’s crying, Zhang Mei always felt helpless. Children have social and independent needs, and parents are afraid of losing control. Nowadays, mobile phones are very popular among middle school students. During the holidays, you can see groups of middle school students playing games and short videos on their mobile phones everywhere in milk tea shops. Pre-middle school students would rather not attend the graduation party but still bother to buy a mobile phone. What are the psychological motivations behind this? Mo Hua is often invited to schools to give lectures on mental health. In the process of contacting middle school students, she found that there are two main reasons why middle school students desire to own a mobile phone of their own: on the one hand, it is the psychology of conformity and comparison. Junior high school students\’ subjective awareness and core self-control abilities are not yet strong. When they see that their peers have mobile phones, they are easily led and tempted by the tendency of comparison. And owning a mobile phone makes it easier for them to be on the same frequency as their peers, which helps their social development and establish a sense of belonging. On the other hand, junior high school students are in adolescence, their subjective consciousness is gradually emerging, they are eager to keep up with the pace of the times, and they also long for more independence and autonomy. For them, mobile phones are not only a tool for socialization and entertainment, but also a way to show their growth and independence. \”Lingling refused to give in in this battle for mobile phones. She subconsciously wanted to win over her parents. Through \’I won\’ and proved \’I grew up\’, she could gainDominance and control in the parent-child relationship can also provide a great sense of accomplishment. \”Mo Hua said. Since mobile phones are extremely popular among middle school students, why do many parents still regard mobile phones as a \”scourge\” because of their children\’s \”requirements to purchase a phone\” and the two sides are constantly at war? \”Parents are afraid of losing control. Parents have witnessed or experienced out-of-control incidents such as children secretly playing with mobile phones in the middle of the night and their grades plummeting due to addiction to mobile phones. Therefore, they believe that equipping children with mobile phones will cause the entire family to run out of control. \”In Mo Hua\’s view, parents\’ concerns also reflect their inability to manage \”children and mobile phones.\” Faced with mobile phones, parents need to be more \”intelligent\”. Many parents believe that children\’s self-control ability is insufficient and they have to improve from being obedient. To the point of losing control, all it takes is a mobile phone. Therefore, he believes that \”if you want to ruin a child, give him a mobile phone.\” In this regard, Mo Hua bluntly said that judging from some phenomena, a mobile phone can indeed destroy a child, but has the smartphone really destroyed the entire human race? On the contrary, it has brought us into an era of intelligence and convenience. “Families feel they are out of step with the times, and that’s not a problem with smartphones, it’s a problem with families themselves. \” Mo Hua said that the reason why smartphones can stir up a family is because there are conflicts and contradictions in the parent-child relationship. How to deal with the relationship between \”children and mobile phones\”? Mo Hua suggested that the way we get along with smartphones, first of all The emphasis is on relaxation, not concealment, because the more prohibitive the parent is, the more attractive it is to the child. When the child plays secretly, the parent fights with wits to defend, \”detect\”, and scold. As a result, the conflict between the two parties continues and the war escalates. First of all, we must accept the existence of smartphones openly, and they will definitely be attractive to children. At the same time, we can pay appropriate attention to children’s use of mobile phones, and communicate and guide them. “Parents can talk to teenagers seriously and equally. Have a conversation and talk about your fears and worries about their use of mobile phones. For example, Zhang Mei can talk to her daughter about why she must have a smartphone. What is the core reason? If someone else has it and you want it yourself, you can let your daughter understand how others got it and how they use it, and then talk about how she wants to use it. \”Mo Hua reminded that parents who refuse to give their children mobile phones need to have a patient and clear communication with their children.