It has become a fact that children do not go to school, how should we deal with it?

Today, I was chatting with a friend about the child who refused to go to school in the third grade of junior high school. More than half a month has passed, and the child still has not gone to school. There is only one month left before the high school entrance examination. The child also made it clear to his mother that he will not take the high school entrance examination. I can imagine the mother’s despair and anxiety, and I can also understand the child’s resistance to school and fear of exams. If parents fail to receive warning signals in time when their children send out early warning signals that they do not want to go to school, nor do they hear the true voice behind the signals, and do not have adequate empathy and understanding for their children, then the children will really stop going to school. What is the child thinking about at this time? How should parents respond? The child has not been in school for a while. He locks himself in his room every day, does not go out, does not contact his classmates, and even refuses to communicate with his parents. His mood is often low and irritable, and he is resistant to his parents\’ attention and urging, so he will have conflicts with his parents. In this case, if parents can reflect and adjust in time, improve the family atmosphere, and work hard to repair the relationship with their children, the children will make positive changes. However, most parents are unwilling to accept the fact that their children are not going to school and are deviating from the normal trajectory. They will be very anxious because of this and feel that they have failed. This is projected onto their children, so they often express disappointment and denial towards their children. . Parents will have many and far-reaching thoughts – why are their children so fragile and have no fighting spirit? If they can\’t bear the pressure of studying, what else can they do in the future? I haven\’t been to school for many days. How many classes do I need to take away? How can I keep up if I don\’t go back to school as soon as possible? Staying at home like this every day, wasting your time, lying flat and rotten, what will you do in the future? If you can’t finish junior high school, you will definitely not be able to go to high school or pass the college entrance examination. How can you have a stable and decent job in the future? These thoughts may only be thought in the mind and not spoken out, but through the parents\’ expressions, tone and the atmosphere of family interaction, the children can sense the anxiety, denial and belittling. Children will instinctively identify with their parents, especially if they have already lost confidence in learning. If they receive such negative information again, the children will become even less confident and feel that others can go to school normally but I can\’t. I am too bad. Out of the anxiety of missing out on classes, parents may ask their children to study on their own, or buy online courses for their children, or find tutors so that their children can study at home. However, this kind of anxiety puts tremendous pressure on children, which will only Make children more and more resistant to learning. There are also some parents who use survival pressure to scare or force their children based on their own experiences of growth and struggle. For example, discuss with your children, what will they do if they no longer go to school? How to support yourself? Go sweep the streets? Delivery? Going to work? The child doesn\’t want to go to school just because he currently has insufficient psychological energy to face the reality of going to school, which is a temporary difficulty. In fact, he has never thought about never going to school again. If parents discuss with their children whether they need to work after they no longer go to school? What kind of work do you do? For the child, it means: I can no longer go to school! This is something that is beyond the imagination of underage children, and will also put children under a threat reaction and unable to view learning rationally. In fact, this stage requires parents to have more patience.Accompanying the children to get through it together. First of all, for children who are not going to school, the first thing to do is to rest! Facing the same problem, everyone has different tolerance. The fact that the child is no longer in school proves that the current academic pressure is overloading the child. The child is already overdrawn and needs a good rest. This break is a real break from studying. Unless the children take the initiative to read books and do questions, parents will never take the initiative to mention school and study. Let children escape from the consumption of learning, restore inner energy and stabilize their emotions. Secondly, give your children more attention. The child\’s psychological energy cannot cope with the current academic pressure. On the one hand, the academic pressure is indeed very high, and on the other hand, the child has too much internal consumption and insufficient charging. A very important aspect of this recharging is the attention and companionship of parents. This attention is seen truly, with love, unconditional acceptance, non-judgment, non-censorship, and sincerity. If the child is willing, parents can also accompany the child to bask in the sun, climb mountains, walk, go shopping, and play ball, so that the child\’s lifestyle can be as rich as possible and draw energy from real life. Again, allow your child to do things he likes that have nothing to do with learning. Children who are not in school will not let themselves be idle even if they are not studying. The children I have come into contact with who refuse to go to school include those who make short videos, write novels, do handicrafts, draw, keep pets, open online stores, etc. Although these things have nothing to do with going to school, they are actually learning, and it can bring a sense of achievement to children. This kind of learning shows that the child\’s attitude towards life is positive and motivated. It\’s not that he doesn\’t like learning, but he has temporarily lost the motivation to learn subject knowledge. These are all manifestations of children\’s abilities. Parents should seize these opportunities to amplify their children\’s shining points, help them further understand and understand themselves, and restore their self-confidence. Children generally do not let their parents know about doing such things, because based on their understanding of their parents, they will think that what they are doing is useless, and therefore they will object. Therefore, we must allow and support so that children have the opportunity to try more and have a richer experience in life. Fourth, children should be encouraged to stay in touch with the outside world. This outside world can be classmates, relatives, friends in real life, or like-minded netizens in the online world. Contact with the outside world will become a motivation for children to explore outwards, providing more support for returning to school in the future. If this contact is voluntary by the child, parents can support and encourage it, but cannot force it. I have come across such parents in my life who help their children contact specific people and require their children to meet or have contact with people. This approach ignores the children\’s wishes, puts pressure on the children, and is often counterproductive. Finally, help your children find their own rhythm through companionship. After the child rests in a relaxed environment for a period of time, he will think more rationally about his learning problems. At this time, he may take the initiative to study, and suggest that he wants to read books, listen to some online classes, etc. This is a sign of improvement. At this time, parents Be sure not to get too excited. Some parents are overjoyed when they see that their children want to study, and immediately take it upon themselves to enroll their children in variousCram schools assign many learning tasks in an attempt to allow children to make up for lost progress in a short period of time. As a result, the little energy they have just made up is often used up, leading to a longer recovery process. Our bodies have improved after recovering from a serious illness, but we need a relatively long recovery period. The same goes for children\’s energy recovery for learning. At this stage, we must follow the child\’s pace, focus on the child\’s feelings, and restore certain learning content according to the child\’s requirements first, and do not rush to send the child back to school. After the child has safely passed this long or short transition period and is mentally prepared to go back to school and bear the pressure, the child will decide independently when is the best time to return to school. My daughter once told me this: I had planned to do it, but before I did it, my dad urged me and said why I didn’t do it yet, and I immediately felt bored. If I do it now, am I doing it for myself? Or did you make it for my dad? Adolescent children always want to take back their autonomy from their parents bit by bit. This is inevitable for growth! Parents must first give them the autonomy to learn. Children do not want to be arranged by their parents, but only want to be responsible for their own affairs. When the child shows signs of improvement, parents must not be too anxious or rush to be ahead of the child. They must follow the child\’s feelings slowly, step by step, gradually increase the intensity and requirements of learning, and give the child time and space to adapt. Accompany him to find the rhythm that suits him best. It’s really not easy to accompany your children from “refusal to school” to “resumption of school”! The reason why I use the word \”endurance\” is because this process will be very long and very torturous for parents. Every minute and every second of the process will be full of worry and anxiety. There will be a lot of patience and depression, and it will be very hard for parents. Very uncomfortable. But as long as you get through it, your child will take a big step forward in his growth. In fact, it will be a big step for the growth of parents and even the entire family!