It is always this kind of parents who hurt their children the most! It’s a pity that 99% of parents are still doing this

The great director Ang Lee said something in an interview: The so-called \”filial piety\” in China since ancient times actually has an unequal class concept in it. It is determined that children must obey their parents and be \”obedient\”. This is different from the current \”filial piety\”. There is a conflict between the values ​​of \”equality\” and it is actually an outdated concept. The relationship between parents and children is ultimately a relationship between people. The parent-child relationship should also be equal and free, without distinction between high and low classes. Parents and children are equal and independent persons, and children\’s ideas should also be respected. Disobeying parents is not unfilial or disobedient, it is just a free choice of the individual. Understand the way children view the world. Adults always plan life trajectories for their children based on their own life experiences. Once children make other choices, the label of \”ignorance\” will be placed on their heads and various pressures will be exerted. They even use the hard work of raising a child as a trump card, and use bigger tricks every time they can\’t reach an agreement. Children who are labeled as \”disobedient\” or \”rebellious\” will bear growing pressure that their parents cannot imagine! In the eyes of children, they have unique ways of understanding and expressing the world. When understanding children, we should first learn to observe them from their perspective and understand the way they view the world. As adults, our thinking has been deeply imprinted on life. When we use this adult thinking to look at children, it is like wearing colored glasses, and it is difficult to understand the true nature of children. . However, if we can let go of our own fixed thinking and follow the simple behaviors of children to understand their motivations and inner thoughts, we will often suddenly realize: It turns out that my child thinks this way, and it is actually quite okay to think this way. Okay, I misunderstood him. If parents can see things from their children\’s perspective and understand the way their children view the world, then many problems at home will be solved. In the process of getting along with children, how can we better understand the way children view the world? Put yourself in your child’s shoes and put yourself in your child’s shoes. When your child communicates with you, as a parent, you should first learn to put yourself in your child’s shoes and imagine what would happen if you were in your child’s situation. Will you be sad, embarrassed, or angry? Empathy helps you understand your child\’s mood and put yourself in their shoes. Be calm and look at the world from a different perspective. Some parents are often irrational when dealing with their children. Getting angry when encountering a problem and blaming the child will not only hurt the child\’s heart, but also the family relationship between parents and children. Why not look at these problems from a different perspective calmly, maybe things are not what you think! To truly understand children, if you want to understand the way children view the world, you must first truly understand children and know what children of this age are thinking and need. Only in this way can you truly enter their hearts and share their growth with them. Every bit of the process. In the process of family education, parents should always review whether their own way of looking at problems is consistent with that of their children. Many times, it is just because of different perspectives and ways of looking at the world.The effect of solving the problem will be very different! Children are not appendages of their parents. In a good parent-child relationship, parents should pay more attention to their posture in front of their children. They should strive to become a person full of love and responsibility, independent and pursuing self-worth, and become a role model for children to imitate. Instead of just pointing fingers at your children and asking them for things you can\’t do yourself. After all, parents are their children’s first window into the world. Respect the child\’s independent personality. \”You were born by me, so you must listen to me.\” \”Is it easy for me to poop and piss you all the time? You are still so disobedient.\” \”What are you doing out here? Go back to the house and do your homework. Go.\”… Many parents regard their children as their \”private property\” and everything about their children must follow their own arrangements. Children are not appendages of their parents. They are independent individuals with equal rights as their parents. We should give children the respect they deserve. For example, when guests come to your home, as parents, in addition to introducing the adults in the home to the guests, you should also formally introduce the children, because the children are also members of the family. However, many parents tend to ignore their children. Even if they introduce them, they just say \”this is my daughter (son)\”, as if the child has no name. What\’s more, they will say \”go aside\” or \”go aside\” or \” Come to your house.\” In fact, dealing with others is a very good opportunity to cultivate children\’s self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect and communication skills. When parents give their children due respect for their independent personality and take the initiative to introduce their children to guests, the children will feel that they have the same status as their parents, and they will restrain themselves and treat guests generously. Children are not the private property of their parents. Children are an extremely precious wealth given to us by God. This wealth is managed by us but does not belong to us. If we treat this wealth as our own private property, we are desecrating this sacred duty. For example, some people hope that their own value will be reflected in their children, some people put all their expectations for the future on their children, and some people arrange such and such things for their children with the purpose of \”raising children for old age\”… …this is not right. There is a saying: Once a child is treated as the private property of his parents, used by his parents to achieve a certain purpose, and once his parents exert control over him, his most basic growth has been violently interrupted. We must respect the child at all times and regard him as the center of his own life. This is the most urgent need of the child\’s personality. Parents only have custody rights over their children, but do not have ownership rights over their children. Children do not belong to their parents. This is both a kind of respect and a state of mind. Only when we have this state of mind and the concept that \”children do not belong to their parents\” can we include \”cultivating independence\” in our children\’s education from the very beginning. When the child is born, they let the child sleep in a crib alone. At an appropriate age, they let the child sleep in his own bedroom, so the child rarely clamors to sleep with his parents. They are very close to their parents, but they understand that they have their own space, and their parents also have their own private space, and they need to respect each other. The more parents respect their children, the more they will respect themselves and learn how to respect them.other people. On the contrary, if we treat our children as our own private property, we will control our children tightly and make it difficult for our children to be independent. This is an unhealthy parent-child relationship. On the surface, we love our children very much and are even willing to sacrifice everything for them, but our sacrifices are often material. Mentally, we possess our children very greedily, and this kind of love is abnormal. If we cannot give our children spiritual freedom, one day they will suffocate or explode in this kind of love. Learn to let go at the right time. There is such a report: A girl had a relationship with a person she was satisfied with, but her parents asked her to break up because of the man\’s poor conditions. They even said harshly, \”If we don\’t break up, we\’ll cut off the relationship.\” \”If we don\’t break up, we\’ll break up.\” Go home.\” \”There is no way unless we die.\” Under such pressure from her parents, her daughter committed suicide because she couldn\’t bear it. Facing the death of their daughter, the couple regretted deeply, but they could no longer recover. There are also some mothers who are unwilling to give up possession of their children even after they get married. Therefore, in real life, we often see mothers causing their sons’ marriages to break up and their wives to separate. This is why many mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in China have bad relationships. Good cause. However, as a parent, facing such a result, are you happy? Will your children be happy? Don’t we just hope that our children can live a happy life? If you want your children to be happy, please give respect back to your children! Love your children Possession cannot be the condition. Possessive love is selfish love. Maybe you love your children very much on the surface and even pay a lot for them, but sadly, what you get for your hard work will be lifelong regrets. Because you were wrong from the beginning. Children are not your accessories. Don’t let your possessive heart cover your observing eyes and listening ears. Children do not belong to their parents, they only belong to themselves. They have their own path to take, and one day they will find the belonging of their souls, and this belonging is also their mission in this world. As parents, what we can do is to improve our energy and wisdom, carefully observe the needs of our children, listen to their hearts, give them equal treatment, and use respect and support to cultivate our children to be strong enough and good enough.