It is the biggest lie in the world that children from poor families become parents early.

I used to often hear people from the older generation say that children from poor families have already become the masters of their families. But what does it mean to be in charge? What does it mean to be a good home? Last year, a friend suddenly resigned. He was a programmer doing technical development. At first, I thought it was a normal optimization and layoff by the company. After all, three years of masks + cyclical economic decline, the market performance is sluggish. Almost all units are reducing costs and increasing efficiency. Some are reducing salaries and delaying pay, while others are optimizing downsizing. I thought to myself, how can I be relieved? Maybe this guy just made a small fortune and got the compensation and started on the road again. However, before he could speak, he took the initiative to say that he had taken the initiative to resign. I was suddenly filled with questions and was shocked. After some understanding, it turned out that it was a colleague in his group who was talked to by his superiors several times and was finally persuaded to quit. The reason was that the colleague was often late and slept many times during working hours. After verification, it was later found that the colleague had falsified his resume. The changes and departures of his colleagues made him feel powerless and panicked, which affected his mood to continue working there, so he resigned. Some people will say, as long as you abide by the rules and disciplines and work hard, why would you voluntarily resign? Especially when the environment is so turbulent! The boss also tried to persuade him to stay several times and asked him to reconsider, but he was determined to leave. He has a gentle personality, is usually taciturn, and is used to doing things alone. People who are familiar with him generally recognize his abilities and personality, and are willing to call him at dinner parties. He said he couldn\’t explain it, but he was depressed and he didn\’t know the colleague well. The most surprising thing is that in the following time, he seemed to have changed into a different person, becoming sensitive, suspicious, and even confused. He couldn\’t sleep all night long, sometimes feeling awake and sometimes falling into confusion. The professor who lived with him suggested that he see a psychiatrist. When he arrived at the hospital, he decided not to do so because of the queue for an appointment. Not long after, he bought a sleeper late one night and returned to his hometown. Then one day, he took the initiative to contact me and asked if it would be convenient for me to chat with him. After several intermittent communications, I discovered that behind his frail body, there was always a bottomless black hole like his native family, his parents to be exact. His parents have always been at odds with each other, and there are huge rifts and irreconcilable conflicts with family relatives. My father is as paranoid as crazy, making troubles all the time, and has no ability to deal with problems properly. The mother couldn\’t bear it, so she chose to leave far away and got her own significant other. Not only that, his father often exaggerated the truth to create panic and uneasiness in him, and made various PUA-like remarks. His mother didn\’t care about him, she just wanted to have a companion and live a stable life. She hoped that he would get married soon and not affect her. Moreover, his mother often sends him some one-sided soft articles on the Internet, which seem to be encouraging, but in fact are more like PUA for him to understand himself. This situation occurred because of the sudden intensification of conflicts at home and the failure of a recent blind date. There are also some things that he can\’t explain clearly, but just say a lot of things, which have been disturbing and affecting him. He admitted that he has social anxiety, and he actually resists going out for dinner with everyone because he doesn’t know what to say and is afraid of misunderstanding or expressing things incorrectly. In fact, he is a very empathetic person, always neglecting oneself and giving priority to the feelings of others. Over time, the body and mind carry too much negative emotions and bear too much pressure that does not belong to them. So, at a certain moment, my heart could no longer hold on, and my spirit collapsed. In fact, children must be simpler and purer than adults at heart, and they must love their parents more. A split in the relationship between parents is bound to create great division and insecurity deep in the heart of the child. In a family, parents are like this. For many family matters, relatives will naturally come to him. But he is just a child, what kind of decisions can he make for adults? Who is going to understand him? Psychologist Chen Haixian said that parents managing their own relationships well is a prerequisite for children to be happy! Most children\’s problems are related to unresolved conflicts between their parents! If a child is allowed to assume the role of bridge to his parents, he will have to bear a lot of relationship pressure that should not belong to him. Under such circumstances, how can children free up their energy and energy to focus on developing their own wonderful lives? Now, his situation is still not optimistic, and it is even so bad that he can\’t speak clearly and dare not go out! His father no longer occupied the house he bought in the county town. He had vowed to rely on him and live with him for the rest of his life. He currently lives with his mother, who relies on her own skills to run a food stall in the county town. For the time being, he is helping her there. He was also trying hard to find the next exit. He said that although he used to get off work on time, take normal weekends, and rarely work overtime, he was afraid of being involved in the 996 whirlpool in the future. After all, the Internet industry may be difficult to escape. His father also persuaded him to give up his R&D job where he had been working for many years, saying that he had no future, but he could not give him any better advice. He felt uneasy because of this and began to waver, saying that he wanted to do something on his own, but he didn\’t know what to do. In fact, I don’t hate R&D either. To be honest, I am just an ordinary person and cannot point out a wise development path to others. I am not a professional psychiatrist and cannot completely cure and cure other people\’s psychological suffering. I told him that you have experienced happy times that others may not have experienced before. This is already luckier than many people. Although your time is short, you have been admitted to a good university with your own hard work and will. When you were in college, you discovered that there was something strange inside you, and you took active actions to break through yourself. Moreover, through your own efforts, there is not much left to pay off the mortgage in advance. All this shows that you have surpassed the cognition and ability of many people! For mental and psychological depression, perhaps a professional psychiatrist can really help you without delaying you. Problems between parents and relatives have nothing to do with you. They are still young and that is their own life issue. You should take care of yourself first, do what you like, eat what you like, rest and relax more, nourish your body and mind, and wait until you have more energy. Since my father had nothing to do, he had no work that was durable and lasting, and he had never achieved results in any specific field. When it comes to choosing a career or employment, you should either seek more professional guidance or strengthen your own expertise and beliefs. Human instinct is to resist darkness. If an environment continues to be negative, it will bring aboutInfluence always gets in the way. The most direct way is to stay away and block it first, and then slowly heal and rebuild it. But this is not easy for some people who grew up in a family environment. Because people are oppressed in a dark environment for a long time, they will become photophobic. It is the inner strength and vitality that has been robbed and drained, and is no longer able to climb out of the abyss, and has even become dependent on that feeling. That’s why I’m afraid of getting tired and just want to stay in a familiar place, unable to develop myself, challenge my career, create wealth, and start a family. People with low energy lack a sense of security and strength in their hearts, have blurred boundaries, and cannot tell what does not belong to them. They can easily empathize with others and bear their fate for others. I am also afraid of rejection. Rejection will make me uncomfortable. I can only survive by pleasing others. I don\’t believe that I can survive on my own and I don\’t believe that I have the ability to protect myself. And too much internal friction will cause a person\’s intelligence to decline. Long-term excessive thinking and continuous anxiety will lead to insufficient oxygen and blood supply to the brain. It causes memory loss, confused thinking, slow reaction, lack of willpower, difficulty concentrating, low efficiency in doing things, and thus loss of motivation in life. As the saying goes, children from poor families will become masters early, but how can children from poor families become masters? Carrying water to cook and saving money is not called being a master. It can only be called living a difficult life in a difficult living environment. In the past, a big head was responsible for the major decisions of a big family. How to manage money, how to divide food, how to teach children, how to resolve conflicts… A head of family without knowledge and structure can easily lead the whole family into a trap, and generations will not be able to climb out. A blogger on the Internet told a story: one day her old best friend called her and told her that her daughter had been fired again. This girl is not young. She has changed countless jobs since graduation, and each job lasted only a short time. Because I can\’t get along well with my colleagues and leaders, I have a very serious personality. There is nothing wrong with her work being fast and good, first every time, but she lacks human touch and sophistication, which makes her colleagues look like losers. Do her colleagues isolate her? Do you think the boss is satisfied with her? It was such a mistake that even her boss tried to fix her. I found out that my boss had over-reported the invoice, so I went in and gave him a lecture. That’s not true! The job is gone. Her dad also said that our girl is right about justice! But! Her father\’s diabetes… he almost has no money to treat it. Of course, this is the complete opposite extreme. But this is the cognitive limitation of ordinary people, which is unrealistic and black and white. The biggest difference between the poor and the rich is in cognition, which is almost ridiculous. Parents not only hope that their children will listen to them, but also hope that their children will produce a different result than them. How is this possible? By the time I get a little more understanding after being beaten down by society, when I am over 30, it will be too late for anything. Of course, as long as you want to get better, everything can come in time. The essential reason why a person is not living well is that the inner child has not grown up. Because there is a black hole in the heart, there will be loopholes in career, wealth, family and life! For people whose inner child has not grown up, a word or a look from others can make them feel uncomfortable for a long time, or even get angry. I have to deal with my fragile heart every day, so how can I have the time to develop myself and be independent? Usually capable people are mostly mentally mature and emotionally stable, able to bend and stretch, with a certain degree of inner flexibility and toughness. This kind of person has clear and firm goals, can handle things and withstand pressure, and will not panic or get confused when encountering problems. He is like a stabilizing needle in the organization, and will not let the organization\’s people lose focus. Others say that if you look at the well-married girls around you, they are often relaxed and relaxed, neither humble nor overbearing, and have a calm demeanor. He wins the hearts and trust of his career, and his family and neighbors are harmonious. Is it a good fate? In fact, they often have abundant hearts, and their emotions are basically self-consistent and self-sufficient. They don\’t need to rely on external demands or hysterics. They will not be empty and blind, because they have their own clear pursuits and loves, and they are happy to invest in their lives. Therefore, they usually do not choose scumbag men, and their magnetic field is more likely to attract excellent members of the opposite sex. If you observe carefully, you will know that those successful people with mainstream values ​​​​usually do not find their wives through small favors or sweet words. Regardless of family background factors, in ordinary families, it is often these people who can truly achieve a counterattack in life. What is a good life? A rich heart shapes a good character, and a good character creates a good \”Feng Shui\” magnetic field. What can be done? CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries. Children watch the pattern explosion. People addicted to self-discipline cannot decide their own origins, but through practice, they can choose the life they want to live. Try to open your heart and see the hopeless and helpless inner child surrounded by fear. By learning self-healing, you can release your inner fears, get rid of the baggage that does not belong to you, fill the black holes under complete trauma and loss, and raise your inner child. In the process of continuous healing, the inner child is slowly nourished and awakened, and gradually becomes sunny, confident and strong. And automatically possess the mental model that an adult should have, and start to deal with problems with an adult mentality. I believe that you will eventually usher in an inner world with a sense of existence, strength, trust, and value, a safe, prosperous, free and powerful inner world.