It took raising a son to become a cripple to understand: The stupidest education is when parents have \”no authority\” and their children become overlords.

Early in the morning, I was so angry that I vomited blood! My son was in the first grade of junior high school and his final exam results were very unsatisfactory. Not only did the overall decline occur, but even the math test, which I am best at, got the lowest score ever. Thinking that if he continues, he might not even be able to go to high school, I feel extremely anxious. Therefore, I want him to take advantage of the vacation to catch up on his courses. I don\’t have high requirements either, as long as I can pass into high school. But he refused to agree. I was so angry that I directly paid the fee and demanded that he go to class. The night before, I repeatedly emphasized that I would go out at 8:00 in the morning, but from 7:30 to 8:20, he still didn\’t get up. I was furious: \”Don\’t you have ears?\” My son yelled in the room: \”If you sign up, you can go! I won\’t go even if I die today!\” I was so angry: \”You are so embarrassed not to go, the final exam If you don\’t work hard, you won\’t be able to pass the high school exam, and no one will want you to sweep the streets!\” Son: \”Then I\’ll go to the garbage collector.\”… Look, this is the son I worked so hard to raise. They are self-indulgent and have no ambition at all. What can I do if I don’t go to class? I sleep until 11 o\’clock every day. The first thing I do when I get up is check my mobile phone. I don\’t wash my face, brush my teeth, or eat. I lay in bed all day playing with my phone and reading novels, and rarely went out except to go to the bathroom. I finally got him up to do his homework, but he couldn\’t solve two questions, so he started flipping through his phone again, and after a while he went to bed again. If we talk too much and push too much, he will have a bigger temper than us. It is common for him to smash tables and benches. In our family, he is simply a bully. To be honest, I really can’t figure it out. I have been strict with him since he was a child. Even though he was given a mobile phone, it was only a Bangbang machine. He could only play some small games such as Tetris. Even the Internet at home was disconnected. Why did he still fall to this level despite such strict prevention and control? Is it because he is not naturally good at learning? In order to solve my son\’s problem, I searched for information on the Internet all day long, and also began to study child psychology. Gradually, I finally understood the reason why my son fell into this state. I once saw a sentence like this, which spoke to my heart: The stupidest education is when parents have no authority and their children become overlords. When parents lose their authority, children lose restraint and guidance and can do whatever they want. This is a disaster for children who have incomplete views and lack of values. But what I can\’t figure out is that I have always been strict with my son. He used to be very afraid of me and listened to me. Why did I suddenly lose all authority after entering junior high school? Because prestige is not about making children fearful, but about convincing them. In the education process, parents often make three mistakes that make themselves lose their prestige. (1) Before scolding too much and spanking too hard, I felt that children should be disciplined and punished if they did not do well. If they did not do well, they would be beaten. Children would be obedient if they were afraid. I make a list of what he should do at what time every day, and if he doesn\’t do it well, I\’ll take care of him. At first he pouted and tried to bargain with me, but after being beaten he became honest. I thought this was prestige. But the fact is that beating and scolding can only deter children for a short period of time, and blind beating and scolding will cause children to form psychological confrontation early. As soon as such children reach adolescence, as their physical strength increases, control will break down, and the child\’s revenge will begin.He just wants to go against you. If you care about studying, he will not study. If you let him go east, he will go west. (2) Too much criticism and too little recognition. In the past, I always had high expectations. It was clear that my son was doing well, but I felt that praising him would only make him proud, so I focused on his shortcomings and criticized him constantly. Over time, because of the lack of recognition and the inability to establish a sense of value, the son began to indulge in self-indulgence and became unmotivated. (3) Too much management and too little letting go. In the past, I was always afraid that my son would not do well. In my opinion, whenever he has time, he will play. So when to study and when to play, I made clear arrangements for him. Without the opportunity for self-management, there will be no ability to control oneself. A child who has neither goals nor self-control will be destroyed once he loses the shackles of his parents\’ authority. So, what should we do to save such rebellious and unmotivated children? How to establish the prestige of parents? (1) Before I learned to love my children without conditions, everything I did for my son had a purpose. When buying clothes for my son, I never forget to add, \”I\’ll buy you whatever you want, and you must study hard to repay me.\” My son wants to go to an amusement park, and I tell him \”I must get XX points in the exam.\” Even when my son wants to watch TV, I say, \”You have to complete your XX homework before you can watch it.\”… I am willing to pay for my son, but I hope he can repay every effort, otherwise I feel that he Ungrateful. If parents do not love their children, children will not be grateful to their parents, and respect and trust will not be formed. Therefore, I regard loving children as a subject. I no longer focus on my son’s bad habits, but learn to love him without any purpose. Before going to bed, I asked him: \”Do you want to have breakfast tomorrow morning? If you don\’t want to eat breakfast, I won\’t call you, so that you can sleep all night.\” The next day, my son slept until he woke up naturally. I felt so happy. When I go out, I will knock on the door and ask: \”I am going on a business trip today and I will pass by XX store. Do you want anything to eat? I will bring it to you.\” When I came home and saw my son eating with gusto, I felt very happy. Be happy. When discussing going out to eat, I would ask my son\’s opinion: \”We are going to eat out tonight, are you going? Is there anything you want to eat?\” Finally, we ate at a delicious restaurant based on his suggestion, and everyone was very happy. . …I find that when I am no longer forceful and purposeful in doing things for my children, I can feel the beauty of the thing itself more. My mood became happier, I smiled more, my tone of voice became lighter, and I felt that the turbidity in my whole body had disappeared. At first I was worried that this might be condoning. After all, the idea that \”children must be punished for making mistakes\” is deeply ingrained. But in fact, my son did become more aggressive at the beginning. It was common for him to play from morning to night, day and night. But I only focus on \”loving my children\”. The process was long and arduous, but the results surprised me. My son\’s quarrels and confrontations with me have disappeared and he loves to stay with us. Rather than playing boring games, he prefers to come out and watch TV with us and discuss current national affairs. The time for playing games and reading novels gradually becomes less and less, and I am more able toEat three meals a day with us on time. I spend some time doing homework every day. Although the quality is very poor, at least I take the initiative. (2) Learn to let go and let your children grow up independently. A person who has never managed time cannot learn self-control. Let go of your child and leave learning to him, so that he can find his own advantages through constant trial and error, accumulate a sense of value, and gain the courage to make progress. After achieving a breakthrough in my relationship with my son, I made a major decision to return the task of studying to him. But my son was very negative and said, \”My grades are so bad. When I see the questions, I get a headache and feel sleepy and want to give up. I must not be able to do well.\” I said, \”Even if we only make a little progress, it is called progress. If we try hard and still can\’t do it, we will do it.\” Accept the result with peace of mind. If we can make some progress after trying it, then it will be a profit!\” So, the son decided to try it. This is really difficult for him. First of all, he has developed the habit of procrastination and laziness. He gets discouraged and complains within 10 minutes of doing homework every time: \”These questions are too difficult. I can\’t do them at all. The more I do, the more boring I am.\” If it had been before. , I have long scolded him for not having perseverance. But now I know that what he needs most is to gain energy from small successes, so I asked him: How can I make it less stressful for you and make it easier to complete? My son thought for a moment and said, \”It\’s easy if there are no difficult questions! Can you not do the hard questions? I don\’t know how to do them anyway. Let\’s figure out the simple questions first.\” I gave my son a thumbs up: \”This is a great idea!\” So! , I crossed out all the difficult questions, leaving simple questions, and encouraged him: \”It would be pretty good if you could get 70% of the remaining questions correct.\” Sure enough, there were fewer difficult questions, and my son became more confident in answering questions. It went smoothly, and the number of times I got distracted and wanted to give up in the middle became less and less. Especially after practicing for 7 days, when he reached 70% accuracy for the first time, he ran around the house twice excitedly and said, \”I feel like I can do it again!\” When he barely mastered this part of the question, he I can’t wait to challenge the medium difficulty questions. This is how he breaks through himself little by little. Learning to build self-confidence contains huge energy. When he believes that he can do a good job, he will not be internally consumed, and will completely transform his energy into quality, and his learning effect will naturally be better. During this process, I always used his standards as the standard, and occasionally gave some suggestions. If he was willing to adopt them, he would use them. If he was not willing to adopt them, he would follow his plan. I just cooperate fully and focus on providing emotional value in a timely manner. Now that my son is in the third grade of junior high school, I don’t have to worry about his studies at all. The teacher said that as long as he continues to work hard, he may enter a key high school. This is something I wouldn\’t have imagined two years ago. Looking back now, if I have to make a summary, I feel that all the changes in my children are due to my subtle re-establishment of \”prestige\”. Because he is loved, he recognizes that all my efforts are to make him better; because of trust, he is willing to boldly expose the difficulties he encounters and even his own laziness, so that I can prescribe the right medicine to help him adjust in time; because he is convinced, He was willing to adopt and cooperate with some of my suggestions. Therefore, the son\’s change and growth are a victory of love and a victory of education…