It was only after I witnessed my son becoming useless that I realized: Rebellion in adolescence is the biggest misunderstanding parents have about their children.

I am a relatively delicate person. After becoming a mother, my relatives and friends all think that I am very competent and take good care of my children. This is especially true when accompanying students to study. Since my son entered the first grade of elementary school, tutoring his children has become the focus of my life. Checking memorization, tutoring homework, checking in in the group… they are all very caring. She strictly disciplines her son\’s learning attitude and habits and does not allow him to be lazy. Under my supervision, my son\’s studies are among the best, and his grades in all subjects are excellent. He originally thought that if he laid a solid foundation and developed habits, his studies would be smooth sailing. But unexpectedly, after entering junior high school, his son\’s grades plummeted and he became tired of studying. I can\’t understand it, let alone accept it. Every day before going to school and after returning home, I try my best to seize every opportunity to educate him, hoping that he will realize his shame and then be brave. Your current attitude and attitude are not good, and your grades and grades cannot be improved. What are you thinking about every day? When you go to junior high school, you will be left behind by others if you don\’t pay attention. You must know how to work hard and work hard! You have to listen carefully in class so that your grades can improve! The son\’s attitude also changed from being silent at the beginning to being bored and confrontational. Often before I finished speaking, he would turn around and leave impatiently, complaining: \”I\’m nagging you every day. It\’s really annoying! Can you shut up!\” I was also very angry when he looked like this. I didn’t know how to vent my grievances: “Everything I did was for his good. Not only did he not appreciate it, but he was also full of resentment towards me?” After the midterm exam, the school held a parent-teacher meeting, and the head teacher also reported that his son was not in good condition recently. I looked around in class and my mind was not on studying at all. I didn’t do well in the mid-term test this time. I made a lot of basic mistakes. “I wonder if I studied seriously when I got home?” The teacher told me that if I continue like this, if I can’t keep up with the progress, I will be left behind. Later, it will be too late to regret it! I was angry and worried after hearing this, so I went home ready to question him. My sudden intrusion startled my son. He hurriedly took a book and covered it on the table. I went up and opened it, and there was a novel about cultivating immortals hidden underneath. I was so angry that I immediately took the book, tore it in half and threw it on my son\’s face! I ask you to study hard every day, and you are watching this! No wonder the teacher said that your mind is not on studying. How can you be better just reading novels every day? How did you do in the exam? Do you have any self-esteem? I fired up my anger and vented my dissatisfaction towards my son, hoping that I could wake him up by scolding him and return to my lost ways. But unexpectedly, my son stared at me like a victim. Looking at his eyes full of hatred, a huge feeling of powerlessness came to my heart. I asked him: \”What happened to you? You were not like this in the past! Where did you go, that studious and obedient person?\” My son asked angrily. He yelled at me: \”He is dead! You forced him to death! He will never happen again!\” My son pushed me out of the room with force and slammed the door. At the same time, what is closed to me is my son’s heart. Apart from asking me for living expenses, my son is unwilling to say anything to me. When faced with concerns and inquiries, he only says simple words:Um, oh, come and reply. Looking at the back of my son, I felt heartbroken. It was also the first time that I had deep doubts about my own education methods – could it be that I really forced my children to be like this? 02 I don’t understand why the little boy who was obedient and obedient is now so rebellious? I told him, ignored him, and scolded him, all for his own good, but he was full of resentment towards me! During that time, I paid great attention to parent-child education and learned many lessons. It was during this process that I could clearly feel that I was becoming a confident and powerful mother! In fact, the education methods required for children and adolescents are different. The changes in my son are also related to his reaching adolescence. Before the age of 6, parents\’ words are gold; after the age of 12, parents\’ words are \”junk\”. Adolescent children have a strong sense of self-esteem and autonomy. Although they are still children in the eyes of their parents, they have already seen themselves as adults. At this time, if parents are not aware of their children\’s psychological changes, they still treat their children in a simple and rude way. Then, a parent-child war is inevitable. Many parents are used to saying harsh words to \”humiliate\” and stimulate their children, hoping that their children will learn their shame and then be brave and strive for self-improvement. But in fact, the provocation method does not apply to the working principles of psychology. Self-change and growth require strength. Every change requires mobilizing inner strength to break the original habit; and guilt will kill the sense of power. The more you criticize and condemn, the more you will deprive the other party of the power to change. Before, I always felt that my son had become bad. He became tired of learning, rebellious, and disobedient. He couldn\’t do anything I asked him to do. At the same time, I also ignored the special stage of adolescence. I still treated my son as a child, and I was obsessive about educating him without paying attention to methods. I preach and scold regardless of time and place. I just hope that my son will listen to me and then change for the better when I repeat it tirelessly. But I didn’t know that my urging sounded “worthless” to my son, which was very annoying. My intentional or unintentional humiliation and stimulation will only deprive him of the power to change. Now that I think about it, all the problems my son is having now have already been foreshadowed. Those aggrieved looks and unconvinced arguments were all suppressed by me. At that time, I was still proud of my efforts in educating my son. It turns out that when my son has a problem, I am the one who should reflect the most. Now that I understand the root cause, what should I do to resolve my son\’s anger and rebellion? As long as you remember two points, you can effectively improve it – do not consume the child in details; adjust the way of communication with the child. 031. Don’t get hung up on trivial matters, don’t consume your child’s energy on details, and learn to tolerate “small mistakes” in the past. I am very strict with my children. Sloppy writing and repeated basic mistakes are all unforgivable mistakes for me. After each exam, I asked my son to copy down the wrong questions and typos and analyze the reasons for the mistakes. I didn\’t get to the point, so I tore it up and asked him to rewrite it until I approved of it. Then give him similar questions and test him repeatedly until he is completely correct. Such strict discipline can really help in lower grades.If your son works hard and doesn\’t dare to be perfunctory when studying, his academic performance will naturally be among the best. But as I grow older, my coercion and coercion gradually lose their effectiveness. The more severe I am, the more disgusted he becomes. Even if he follows my instructions, he will react passively and get further and further away from his goal. Through study, I realized that being serious with adolescent children is most likely to lead to a lose-lose situation. Therefore, I decided not to waste my children on small details. Those unimportant non-principle issues should be tolerated. When I signed my son\’s signature again, I saw some points he had lost due to carelessness, or some scrawled words because he was busy with homework. I no longer held on to them and scolded him, but instead teased my son and made a joke: \”I was in a hurry to write this homework.\” I let it go. What he did well, I affirmed in various ways and sincerely appreciated it. My son noticed the changes in me and stopped being cold and evasive towards me. The relationship between mother and son is getting warmer day by day. When the parent-child relationship is improved, most of the problems are actually solved. 2. Adjust the communication mode with your children. Instead of confronting the tough with the tough, use softness to overcome toughness. In the process of learning, there is a sentence that deeply touched me. \”If an iron-like education falls on children, they will be as weak as water. If a soft-like education falls on children, they will be as strong and powerful as iron.\” If you think about it carefully, it is indeed true. In the past, I implemented the same kind of education on my son: orders, scolding, forcing, ridiculing… If my son resisted, I would suppress him even more forcefully, and I must \”win\” my son. It wasn\’t until my son burst out in silence that I realized the seriousness of the problem. Through study, I truly understood that confronting adolescent children head-on is actually a bad idea. Only by giving up those rigid, coercive, stimulating and humiliating expressions can your children let go of their resistance in front of you and open up to you. After my son finished school, I no longer preconceived the worst and urged him to \”go do your homework quickly. Don\’t think that I don\’t know that you just want to watch TV for a while and tell you that there is no chance. Hurry up and go back to the house to study!\” Care about him: The temperature has dropped today. Are you cold? Do you want to drink a hot drink before doing your homework? If the test result is not good, I will not ridicule or criticize him, but let him sort out the knowledge points that he made mistakes first, and give him the right to solve the problem. At first, my son couldn\’t figure it out. He simply attributed the mistake to carelessness. I began to calm down and guide him: the essence of sloppiness is actually a matter of habit and ability. The first type of sloppy problem is sloppy examination of questions, such as overlooking or misreading the conditions for solving the problem. The second type is called jumping of ideas. For example, when writing math problems, you don’t write down the process or make a draft. The third category is missing details. The most typical manifestation is missing units when writing mathematics. Which one do you think you are? Once we know our specific problems, we can then prescribe the right medicine. In this way, while being patient, you also teach the child methods. The child\’s energy is no longer used to deal with scolding, but can be devoted to learning. It’s strange to say that the more I share with him things that have nothing to do with study and talk to him about interesting things at school, without urging or reminding him that “it’s time to study”, the more my son cares about time and progress and ends the chat on his own initiative. Return to the room masterDo your homework. He told me: In the past, you forced me and scolded me. Although I knew you were doing it for my own good, I still couldn\’t control my anger because those words were too hurtful. The more I want to explain and argue, the harsher you say me, which makes me feel that I am poor and I don’t want to study anymore. But now, the more tolerant you are, Mom, the more I feel that I cannot betray your trust. And the more I feel that learning is my own business, I can make the decision myself. My son’s summary touched me deeply. When I no longer stared at my son with harsh eyes and focused on correcting and forcing him, but instead regarded his adolescence as an opportunity to repair the parent-child relationship and adjust his education methods, my son was influenced by me and moved in a positive direction. change. When studying, I have a focused and positive attitude. I no longer have to deal with things carelessly. I think about taking the initiative to do my homework every day. I am much more self-disciplined than before. My son\’s overall learning status has improved significantly, and his grades have also improved significantly. Especially after receiving recognition and encouragement from the teacher, my son became more motivated to study! I also want to tell parents that when you think that a rebellious child in adolescence is hopeless, you must calm down, change your perspective, stop \”tearing and internal friction\” with your child, and seek professional help! No parent is born with the methods and abilities to educate their children, they are all acquired through learning! let\’s work hard together! Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!