It’s horrifying that a mother’s nagging has such a serious impact on her children

The weather has been warm recently, so I took Ruirui to the mall to buy some new clothes during the weekend. When we got tired of shopping, we sat in a dessert shop and ate, next to a mother and son. When I was about to finish eating, I heard the mother next to me say to the child: \”How many times have I told you, eat from the order bowl when eating, otherwise it will spill all over the body.\” After hearing this, the child subconsciously He leaned forward. In less than a minute, the mother spoke again: \”Look, you forget about it as you eat. You put your mouth towards the bowl and eat. How many times do you have to say it before you remember? It\’s so annoying.\” The child obeyed again. Come together. Not long after, I heard the mother yell again in a high voice: \”You spilled it all over, no one will wash your clothes! You won\’t listen no matter what you tell me.\” I looked at the poor child, lowered my head and ate carefully. , dared not say a word, and seemed to be holding tears in his eyes. At that time, I thought, if I were that child, I would definitely put down my chopsticks and say: \”Isn\’t it okay if I don\’t eat?\” In life, many parents, including those who often leave messages in my background, the most common worry is: Why don’t my kids listen even though I’ve said so much? I\’m doing it all for his own good. But you know what? Your nagging is meaningless. What is nagging? The dictionary definition of nagging is that people say the same thing over and over again. Just imagine, do you get annoyed when someone repeats the same sentence repeatedly in your ear? When you feel irritable, you naturally want to be rebellious instead of being obedient! The word nagging reminds me of Tang Seng unconsciously, as if the words a mother nags to her children are like the scriptures read by Tang Seng. My friend Luo Jing (distinguished expert at Parents’ Must-Read Lecture), a Ph.D. in psychology from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, once told me that there is a term in psychology called the over-limit effect, and its explanation is this: refers to too much stimulation. , too strong or acting for too long, causing psychological phenomena of extreme impatience or rebelliousness. To put it bluntly, this is: the more you nag your children, the less meaningful your words will be. From our perspective as adults, nagging children is constantly expressing our thoughts to them. In fact, we don’t care about whether the children listen at all, and we just feel satisfied. As for the child, the words his parents say are not communicating with him at all. They are more like a kind of self-venting by the parents and have nothing to do with him. Therefore, the child naturally becomes disobedient. Nagging will only weaken the power of language. If you talk so much, your child may not be able to digest it. In fact, communication, especially communication between parents and children, because of the \”blood\” connection, sometimes there is no need to say more. Properly leaving some space for children to think, it is easier to have unexpected results. Ask yourself, do you really love your children? Speaking of loving children, I would like to ask parents a question first: What is the first thing you ask your children when you come home every day? I have asked many parents around me this question, and most people’s answer is: Have you finished your homework? Why don\’t you do your homework? Including the concern that parents usually show, the most common concern is their children\’s academic performance. I often hear this saying. Children who are not yet mentally mature shouldYou may be thinking: Do you love me or my academic performance? As a result, the child behaves more rebelliously, hoping to get more care from his parents. Parents may feel that of course they love their children and there is no need to say it. And caring about children\’s grades is also because they want their children to live a better life in the future. However, love needs to be expressed first before it can be felt. Just imagine, after you come home from get off work, the first thing your husband says to you is not \”Honey, I\’m back\”, but \”I\’m starving, is the meal ready?\” How do you feel? You\’ll probably complain and the two of you end up arguing over dinner. Similarly, after children hear the words \”Have you finished your homework?\” every day, they will also rebel against their parents and hate learning. I hope all parents can understand: children are not afraid of being tired or suffering, but what they are afraid of is not being understood and not being truly loved! As parents, we only care about whether our children are tired from flying, and don’t care about whether they fly high or not! When you truly love your child, the child will naturally have demands on you, because the child only works hard for \”love\”. The premise of love is respect. I once saw such a set of scenes in \”Animal World\”: a spider laid a ball of eggs and went around guarding them every day. After the little spider hatches, it stumbles and climbs around its mother, like a child that has just learned to walk. The spider mother is even busier, chewing all kinds of prey into small pieces to feed her newborn children. As the child grew up, suddenly a strong wind blew by, and the little spider was blown up. It actually held the threads and floated away from its mother\’s web. This is really a spectacular picture. Countless little spiders are flying in the air like rain threads, and then the threads are broken and they float into the distance. The big spider still stopped in the center of the web, seemingly not panicked at all, and just watched its child leave quietly. This reminds me of what Long Yingtai said: The so-called father-daughter, mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear where the path turns. Moreover, he tells you with his back: There is no need to chase him. Yes, children have their own feelings and choices, and what parents have to do is learn to respect them. Anyone who has watched \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” knows that the village leader Li Rui has always been very popular among children. This is probably the reason why he has been able to serve as the village leader for 4 consecutive seasons. It is not unusual for a person to be liked by one or two children, but it is not easy to be liked by a group of children. After careful study, I discovered that every time the village chief spoke to a child, he would squat down, look at the child with his eyes, and speak to the child seriously and calmly. Don\’t underestimate this simple action, it means that you let go of the adult\’s \”superiority\” and regard the child as an independent individual who needs respect. And when you no longer point fingers at your children in a condescending manner, your children will listen to your words. If some children don\’t want to hear something, it\’s useless no matter how many times parents say it, it will only annoy the children. As parents, we need to understand children more on the basis of respecting them, find more effective communication methods, and let children listen in the most appropriate way of expression.Words are the most labor-saving and effective education.