It’s important to help your children cope with their emotions, but you may have forgotten something more important.

In the process of raising children, perhaps the biggest challenge for parents is solving their children\’s emotional problems. With the spread of educational concepts, many parents realize the importance of accepting emotions and channeling them. When we cried when we were children, we had to face being scolded by our parents, or even asked to hold it back. Today\’s children are becoming less and less common. However, there are also some elderly people and parents in life who adopt the method of \”shifting responsibilities\” and \”making up for it immediately\” in order to quickly put their children to good use. For example, if a child falls down and cries, the old man will say: The baby doesn\’t cry, it\’s because the baby tripped, so come and hit the floor; when the child plays with blocks and the blocks fall over, the mother says: The baby doesn\’t cry, it\’s because the blocks are disobedient. We ignored the building blocks; the child did not take good care of the toy and lost it and cried. The father immediately led him to buy another one that was exactly the same… Does this way of coaxing children sound familiar? There is an outlet to vent emotions, there is an object to express anger for the responsibility for failure, and things that have been lost can easily come back. It is easy for children to calm down their emotions, but there is another big problem hidden behind this that parents may have overlooked, that is, their children do not have The ability to judge responsibility is lost, and the courage and perseverance to take responsibility are lost. As children grow older, when they encounter difficulties and setbacks, they will naturally shirk the responsibility for failure to others or complain about their bad luck and give up their efforts. When there is no one around to cooperate with them in \”shifting responsibilities\” and \”making up for it immediately\”, children will lose their direction and be immersed in negative emotions for a long time. In this way, when children grow up, they will not be able to face failure calmly, and will not be able to reflect and learn lessons. Such personality characteristics will appear extremely immature and difficult to make progress, whether in study, work, or intimate relationships. For example, Corn once forgot to bring his homework. The school was very close to his home, so he rode his beloved scooter to school to get his homework. It was already getting late at this time. When he arrived at the school gate, he did not bring the scooter into the school gate. Instead, he placed it under the surveillance camera at the door and went upstairs. After a few minutes, the scooter disappeared. Corn was sad and very angry. She looked for it back and forth near the school while crying, refusing to go home. My father and I waited for a long time and went out to look for him. When Corn saw us, he burst into tears, took a stick in his hand, and vowed to find the thief and teach him a lesson. I stepped forward and hugged Maize, and he lay in my arms crying and said: Mom, can you understand how I feel? I\’m so sad. This scooter is my best friend. When I\’m bored, I rely on him to accompany me to catch birds and play in the community. I don\’t want to lose him. Please help me get him back. I touched the head of the corn and said: Mom understands your feelings. When I was your age, I raised a sparrow. It was raised when it had no feathers. Because of my negligence, the little sparrow fell into the water. Drowned in the bowl, I cried and felt guilty for a long time. Corn raised his head and looked at me and said: Mom, I hate this thief, he is so bad, I must find him and teach him a lesson! Dad looked sad at the corn, and took out his mobile phone to buy another one exactly the same on Taobao, but I stopped him with a look. Before going to bed at night, Corn was still thinking about the stolen scooter: Me: Actually, the scooter was stolen.If the truck is lost, you have to bear 80% of the responsibility. Corn was very unhappy when he heard this and said: I still have to be criticized when something sad happens to me. Me: Son, although mom understands your sadness, she also wants to give you the ability to distinguish right from wrong and teach you to take responsibility. My mother has reminded me many times about the problem of missing homework. As long as you check the homework record book when packing your schoolbag, you can avoid it. But every time you have a fluke mentality, thinking that if the desk is cleared, the homework must be in the school bag. The scooter was lost today, partly because you didn\’t bring your homework, and partly because you didn\’t take the scooter into the school iron gate or ask the security guard to take a look at it for you. Rather than saying that the scooter was stolen, my mother thought it was more appropriate to say that you left it on the roadside and was picked up. When Corn heard this, tears fell again and she said: Do you still want to blame me? Me: Mom doesn’t blame you, but I hope you have the courage to take on this responsibility and learn your lesson. You are already a man. Later, I reached an agreement with Corn. He insisted on checking his homework against his homework record book when packing his schoolbag. If he did not miss any homework within 2 weeks, he could buy an identical scooter, provided that he used his own New Year\’s money. Before I fell asleep, my eyes were still moist: I hope the person who picked up my scooter can treat my friend as well as I treat him. I will really miss my scooter. Me: Cherish the things you like and keep them well. You will experience a lot of pain similar to \”loss\” in the future. If you can change, work hard, and if you cannot change, you must accept it calmly. Optimistic people would think this way: Fortunately, I still have a scooter, and I can buy a new one through 2 weeks of hard work. There are many children who have never seen a scooter in their lives. Pessimistic people think like this: I am so sad, so sad, I can\’t forget my beloved scooter, I hate the thief, and I must catch him. Do you want to be an optimist or a pessimist? Corn wiped her tears and said: I want to be an optimistic person. In the scooter incident at the weekend, things were lost and Corn was sad, but it may have taught him an important lesson in life. I think it was a bad thing that turned into a good thing! If I denounce the thief with him and buy a new scooter right away, Corn will shed a lot less tears, and his sadness and anger will soon calm down, but he will completely ignore his responsibilities and will neither Even if you change your habit of hastily collecting your schoolbag, you won’t learn to take good care of your new scooter, and you won’t learn to calm down your emotions with an optimistic attitude. The goal of parents when helping their children with emotional counseling should not be to \”shift responsibilities\” or \”make up for it immediately\” with the purpose of coaxing the children to be well. More importantly, it is to teach the children to accept the consequences that cannot be changed calmly and learn to take responsibility. Learn lessons and look at things with optimism. Otherwise, if the child\’s mood improves at that time, can you be responsible for coaxing his mood throughout his life? If you are not around, will your boss, classmates, friends, or partner coax you?