Jiang Xun: Stop and rub the child’s shoulders

The pace of life today is too hurried, busy with work, busy with consumption, and busy with getting ahead. In fact, we can also slow down and see if we have neglected the growth of our children, whether we have obliterated the colorfulness of our children with our own desire for success, and whether we have lost our own true heart. -01-Listen to children’s concerns and education is not teaching. In fact, it is a job of saving people. When I have children draw self-portraits and cry as they tell their stories, I really feel like this is a life-saving job. You have no way of imagining that there are so many things in their hearts that are so serious. Because they talked about it and cried, he would not take the wrong path. Some children told me that as long as they can avoid going home, they will never go home. If his parents heard this sentence, they would be shocked. In fact, the parents of these children happened to be the generation that experienced Taiwan\’s economic boom. While they were working hard to create an economic miracle, they neglected to care for their children. So these children are not rebelling for the sake of rebellion, they are rebelling against a certain degree of indifference and alienation. Many parents and teachers really ignore one thing. The object of their education is not an object, but a person. Any action you take may have a huge impact on your child\’s life. A little bit of care from you will change your child\’s life. Just like after the self-portrait activity, the students held their heads and cried. I walked over and rubbed their shoulders. I believe they will feel it. I don’t know why our society is so busy that we don’t have time to stop and listen to our children, and we don’t have time to rub their shoulders. The most surprising time for me was when I was the dean of the department at the university. A female student disappeared and did not come to class for a week. I called her mother and she said: \”I am very busy with business. I will leave the child with her.\” When I come to your school, even if you are responsible, you still want to ask me?\” I was really shocked when I heard this. My parents are not such parents. They always keep in touch with the school without waiting for notification from the school teacher. So I don’t understand why today’s parents can still be busy doing business even if they don’t see their children for seven days? Today we are facing a subject that has been ignored and neglected for a long time. This \”result\” has already appeared in the shocking events in the newspapers. We are rushing too fast, and there is no way to brake all at once, but we can do it slowly and bit by bit, so that there are fewer material things and more space in the soul. Lao Tzu has been talking about \”emptiness\”. He said that the reason why we can drink water from a cup is because the cup is empty; we can live in a house because the house has empty parts. The most important thing is not \”there\”, but \”nothing\”. If your heart is filled with material things, you will eventually have no feeling for them. Just like a person who is very full will not be interested in food; but a person who has been hungry for a long time will get great satisfaction and happiness when he tastes food. When a child gets what he wants, he will be very unhappy in the end, even if he kills someone, he will not feel it. He has been stuffed with material things, and he never gets what he wants, so he is in pain, a pain that his parents cannot understand.-02-Each role has its own position. People are sometimes strange and rely on external things to make themselves confident. For example, when I was a child, most children had poor financial conditions and poor nutrition. But there is one classmate who is very tall and strong. He walks like a tiger and is very confident. Human civilization is very interesting. As it develops slowly, you will find that people can have confidence in themselves in various ways, but the prerequisite is that there must be a relatively mature and rich cultural support. For example, although I am very short, I am tall in another aspect, maybe mentally or spiritually, or I have some special skills. I very much look forward to the emergence of such a society and such a culture that allows everyone to have his or her own different values. Our society is indeed moving toward diversity. For example, many places now require the design of \”barrier-free spaces.\” Where could such a thing exist when I was a kid? A cripple is a cripple. But we don’t need to call him this way now, because he is not abolished. This is not just a name change, but people rethinking the judgments they made in the past, right? In the past, a disabled person was a useless person, but now I find that he is not. He may have other strong abilities that can be developed. I think this is the biggest foundation of a pluralistic society. People are not institutionalized. Systematization, as we mentioned before, uses English scores and math scores to determine whether a student is good or bad. Only by not humanizing people can other elements in people have the opportunity to be discovered and enrich their self-confidence. Our society is slowly moving in this direction, but at the same time there are some interferences, such as mercantilism and profit-seeking values, which will tend to lead diversity to unity. After simplification, there will be voices like this: \”What\’s the use of going to college? It\’s only real if a singer can pocket millions after receiving an advertisement.\” Therefore, the simplification of value is what we are worried about. In a mature society, each role should have its own position and different positioning processes, and everyone should be satisfied with the role he plays. This concept has developed very maturely in some advanced countries in Europe. They have long valued the value of life, so their self-confidence is not based on comparison with others. Comparing yourself blindly with others will lead to objectification sooner or later. -03-The Happy Philosophy of \”Enough\” Many people like to compare, whether they are wearing brand-name clothes, whether the car they drive is a BMW or Jaguar; some people also compare spiritually, whose class they have taken recently, Which book did you read? It sounds like they are different comparisons. The spiritual comparison seems to be more noble than the material comparison. Not necessarily. I think having a comparison mentality is a lack of self-confidence. A confident person has a full and rich feeling about what he owns. He may feel envious and admired when he sees something that others have but he does not have, and then he praises it with joy, but when he looks back, he is still very disappointed. Just be yourself. Just like what is called \”perfect self-sufficiency\” in religion or philosophy, there is no desire or greed, and one can fully live in the satisfaction of happiness. This is not the same as \”abstinence.\” It’s like being successful in religionMature and immature religions. Immature religions require people to achieve \”no desires and no greed\” in a very fast and urgent time, so they advocate abstinence. On the contrary, mature religion allows you to understand what desire is within desire, and then you will be relieved, feel at ease, and have new happiness. This is called completeness and self-sufficiency. The Industrial Revolution in the West was earlier than ours, and science and technology developed faster than ours, so they have passed the stage of comparison and desire, and have returned to being themselves peacefully. He will not think that earning less money is bad or inferior to others, nor will he imitate others and copy their experiences. There will never be more than 4,000 egg tart shops in Paris at the same time. This is impossible to happen. However, in a small corner of the city, you will smell a very special fragrance, which is created by the coffee shop owner himself. Twenty years ago, you drank coffee there, and twenty years later, you will still drink coffee there, watching the owner of the shop getting older, but still happily making coffee there. There must be an irreplaceable sense of satisfaction in this! I think the greatest joy every time I return to Paris is that I can regain the confidence of so many people. There is a person in every corner who is confident and quiet, as if he doesn\’t want to disturb others. For example, the owner of an ice cream shop, who sells ice cream without milk, has always had a long queue in front of his shop for decades. But he would never want to think about opening more branches. He seems to have a feeling of \”enough\”. That \”enough\” is a difficult philosophy: I am very happy just doing this, and everyone who eats my ice cream is also happy, so, enough is enough. . This kind of happiness is what I always hope to learn.