Laziness, homelessness, decadence, who killed the spirit of our children?

When I took my children to participate in community activities during the National Day, I noticed this phenomenon: a group of children gathered together, but they did not play or play, and there was little communication. They are either playing with their mobile phones, or they are idle, in a daze, or scrolling aimlessly on their mobile phones. Everyone is hiding in their own little world. When I told the mothers next to me about this, everyone was very distressed. The children who should have been full of vitality were now silent and lifeless. He doesn\’t go out, and stays in his room except for eating and going to the toilet every day; he doesn\’t socialize, and he has increasingly nothing to say with his classmates, and prefers to chat in the virtual world; he doesn\’t tidy up, and lets things be left in a mess, and he doesn\’t Allowing others to help tidy up the room; not having fun, not being interested in anything, and talking about \”boring\” and \”boring\”…\”Lazy, homely, and decadent\” seems to be quietly becoming a problem that is hard to ignore for this generation of children. label. This makes people wonder: What is it that kills the spirit of the children? Children who cannot \”play\” are losing vitality. Psychologist John Mali conducted a study in which he observed underage monkeys playing and having fun with each other in a cage, chasing each other. So, he put some of the little monkeys in other cages to prevent them from having fun. As a result, these monkeys who lost the opportunity to play became very dull when they grew up, and some even lost the instinct to court mates and give birth to young monkeys. The monkey\’s play behavior is what Ma Li calls the \”rehearsal period\”. Its function is to pave the way for the future growth of the little monkeys, allowing them to successfully develop into big monkeys. The same goes for people, who need a \”rehearsal period\” to grow into a healthy and energetic adult. But today’s children, do they still have the freedom to play? Every day, they have to get up before six o\’clock to go to school. They are either catching up on sleep or catching up on homework on the subway. As soon as school is over, parents rush to various extracurricular classes. While their children are practicing Kung Fu, they also have to seize the time to do their homework. When I got home, I still had endless homework and endless questions. I had to learn eleven or two points in one study. And such days are not just one or two days, but more than ten years! The beautiful memories of chasing and playing in the mountains and fields, in the streets and alleys, the beautiful innocence of calling friends after school, visiting small shops, and stealing snacks have become increasingly rare luxuries for this generation of children. Looking back on our past, we could run wildly on the playground after class, hang on the parallel bars, or jump rubber bands or play marbles in twos and threes. Even without any props, several children would be happy to squeeze into a corner and \”squeeze and fry\”. But our children, even for ten minutes during recess, had to stay in the classroom because the school strictly prohibited chasing, fighting, and making loud noises. They have to report when they go to the toilet, and these few minutes are one of the few times the children can play every day. They are like a lonely fish with no choice but to live in an exquisite fish tank. It seems that we have extremely rich material things, but there is very little happiness. It seems that the world of survival is rich and colorful, but the inner world is lacking and powerless. A child who is being pushed has no sense of life. Let me first ask parents a question: Suppose you are driving, but the destination is set by others, the steering wheel is controlled by others, and the driving route is also directed by others. youAs a driver, do you still have the interest and motivation to continue driving? The answer is obvious, no one wants to be manipulated. However, our education is turning children into puppets on strings. Nowadays, most children have no right to choose. The interest classes they take are not what they are interested in, but just to make their resume more beautiful. They study and get grades, but they don\’t know the meaning of hard work. Their learning goals are just to follow their parents\’ plans and requirements, get high scores, enter a prestigious school, and find a good job. Just like the son of educator Li Liunan, under his mother\’s careful planning, his grades have always been among the best, he is also versatile, he has won many awards, and he was once elected as the president of the student union. In a mock test when the college entrance examination was approaching, he even ranked among the top 100 in the country, and he was about to be admitted to a prestigious school. But suddenly one day, he suddenly stopped studying at home, refused all study, and stayed in his room every day, either eating, drinking, having fun, or playing games. Why is this happening? It turns out that this seemingly dazzling life was never his own choice, but the \”pressure\” imposed on him by his parents. He has been living for his parents, working hard for grades and awards. He has no idea who he is, what he wants, and why he lives. The long-term lack of sense of value and meaning finally made him choose to give up. Horney, the master of psychology, once put forward a word: the tyranny of should. A person\’s life is like being under the rule of a tyrant, with no freedom, only \”shoulds\” and \”shouldn\’ts.\” That person will lose their self-will, ignore their own feelings, thoughts, and needs, and finally become: having no desires, going with the flow, suffering and confused, passive and lazy… It is better to say that the children are passive, lying flat, and rotten. It is to feel tired and hopeless about life prematurely. Children who have lost their connection are surrounded by loneliness. I once saw a case online. A 13-year-old boy suffers from mild depression. He says he often feels lonely, confused, and boring, and that life is empty and boring. So for a long time, the boy was addicted to mobile games. However, when the parents proposed to help the boy get rid of Internet addiction, the psychological counselor stopped him and said: \”You actually have to thank the Internet and video games, they are hanging your child\’s life!\” It turns out that in order to prevent the boy from losing at the starting line Since the first grade, his mother has enrolled him in various remedial classes such as Mathematical Olympiad, English, and logical writing. Every day, studying is everything in the boy\’s life. He has no time to make friends and lacks life experience. Even his favorite football is deprived by his mother in the name of \”wasting time\”. This resulted in the boy\’s \”sense of reality\” being very weak and having no feeling for life, so he could only curl up into the virtual world to find a little sense of existence. Finally, the consultant gave the mother advice: If you want your child to regain the motivation to live, you must let him establish a connection with the world. I can’t help but think of the “spider web theory” once proposed by parent-child expert Wu Gang. The thick or thin threads that fix the spider web are the links between the child and people and things in the outside world, such as: links with peers, links with animals, links with nature, links with parents, Links to things… For children, these links are both a source of energy and motivation, andIt is an outlet for emotions and stress. The more links, the stronger the links, and the more energetic and energetic the children will be. However, if parents cut off all the \”spider threads\” that they consider useless, leaving only the learning link, the child\’s physical and mental development will be seriously hindered. The inside will become empty and barren. Only by making some space in a full life can children have energy. Qu Jingdong, who has taught at Tsinghua University for ten years and then worked as a professor at Peking University, once lamented: Today\’s children have tired bodies, broken hearts and are unable to establish good interpersonal relationships. The isolation… Such a scene made him feel very sad: \”Every moment competition and anxiety are killing education.\” Yes, as parents, we cannot change the current environment, but at least we can see The child\’s suffering and tiredness provide him with a refuge. 1. Leave a \”tree hole\” for the child, and let the child act like a child. Giving the child a \”tree hole\” means giving the child a little free time and space, allowing the child to have fun, rest, and run and play in the sun. Only by truly experiencing a childhood immersed in play can a child grow up like a child. I have seen a piece of news before. After her mother discovered that her daughter was under too much academic pressure in her senior year of high school, she tried every means to make her daughter happy. She even bought a marshmallow machine and let her daughter miss a night of self-study. The mother and daughter made marshmallows together. After a night of relaxation, my daughter had a carefree smile on her face again. As a child grows, he or she needs an outlet to vent, eliminate fatigue, and restore energy. Play is the best medicine to heal children and fill their lives with sunshine. 2. Find the meaning of learning and let Huachenghua. Psychological counselor Wang Lining once shared the story of his daughter. Because she felt that life was meaningless and studying was hard, tiring and boring, her daughter dropped out of school many times to work at home. Later, Wang Lining took his daughter to attend the idol\’s concert, and asked her daughter to set the direction of her efforts with the idol as her goal. At this time, the daughter\’s motivation for learning changed from the \”I should\” demanded by her parents to the \”I want\” deep in her heart. Therefore, although studying is still very hard and answering questions is still tiring, my daughter studies harder and harder, just to become the person she wants to be. As teacher Wu Zhihong said: In this era where chicken babies are the norm, cultivating a child with \”ideals in the heart and strength under the feet\” is the most successful parenting science. Find the meaning of learning for your children and allow them to be themselves. Only then will your children work hard and persist because of their love. 3. Strengthen the link to reality and bring life back to life. Do you still remember our childhood life? Although life was hard at that time, we lived a happy, free and relaxed life. We can climb trees to pick fruits, go down rivers to catch shrimps, and recharge our batteries in nature; we can walk in the streets and alleys, make friends, and be healed by interacting with people; we can also play with cats and dogs, and do various interesting crafts. , gaining pleasure from the connection with things… At that time, we also experienced being beaten and scolded, and we were also under the pressure of study, but we were still full of energy and endless energy. Therefore, don’t let tall buildings, intensive extracurricular classes, and endless homework deprive children of their connection with the real world. Let children enter a colorful life,Only then can children\’s lives become fresh and vivid, and their spirits enriched and meaningful. Zheng Qiang, a professor at Zhejiang University, once lamented with great sadness: Current education has taught children to be \”dull\” and has eliminated students\’ most endearing vitality, especially students\’ yearning for the future! Now there is no light in the children\’s eyes. It makes people think deeply. Parents \”sacrifice\” their children\’s childhood, seemingly to gain a good \”future\”. However, children whose life vitality is overdrawn prematurely and whose spiritual energy is consumed will eventually fall into the trap of confusion, loneliness, and meaninglessness, and become victims of \”hollow disease\”. If parents really have far-reaching plans for their children, they should not let their children become empty and numb learning machines at the age when they should laugh and dream boldly. A child\’s world should also include vast wilderness, golden rice fields full of sunshine, and friends to play with… Only a life with happiness, warmth, pursuit, and \”spirit\” can make children happy. Children are not afraid of the long road ahead.