Learn to chat with your children, three skills you must know [Collect decisively]

During the interactive Q&A time during my speech on parent-child education, one of the most frequently asked questions was: Teacher Jin, my child doesn’t talk to me. Every time I ask him something, he just talks casually. What should I do? Yes, this is indeed a headache for many parents, especially after their children reach the upper grades of elementary school. This situation makes parents even more worried, because if the child does not communicate with us, we will not know his true situation. Not only There is no way to help him, guide him, and no way to make him feel the care and love from his parents. But in fact, children are very willing to talk to us, but because we don’t know how to chat ourselves, we slowly close the door. The following are several techniques we can use when chatting with our children: First, chat. Instead of asking, \”Have you practiced the piano?\” \”Have you finished your homework?\” \”Have you been naughty at school today?\” \”Have your transcripts been sent out?\” These are questions, not chats. If you ask a two-year-old child: \”Is the baby good today?\” Because his language ability and thinking ability are limited, he will happily answer his mother: \”Good.\” But when facing a child who is already in elementary school and If you ask an older child who has complete language expression and thinking abilities like this, it will not be a loving chat, but a questioning with a sense of blame. Moreover, such interrogative questions can also cause unnecessary conflicts. Children usually answer this way: \”Have you practiced?\” \”Yes.\” \”Have you finished your homework?\” \”Almost done.\” \”Were you naughty at school today?\” \”No.\” \”You did it at school today. What?\” \”Nothing!\” Then the mother, who had been tired for a day, said, \”Why don\’t you always answer me properly?\” The irritated and aggrieved child replied, \”I have answered everything you asked, so what else do you want?\” How am I doing?\” Therefore, chatting should start from the \”small side\”. Don’t ask: “What did you do at school today?” Ask: “What kind of snack did you eat for nutritious lunch today? Is it delicious?” Don’t ask: “Have you finished your homework?” Ask: “Today’s nature class teacher What are you teaching?\” Don\’t ask: \”Were you naughty in school today?\” Ask: \”Who is the most popular boy (girl) in your class?\” Don\’t ask: \”Did you practice the piano?\” Ask instead: : \”Are there any children in your class who also learn piano? Do they like to practice piano?\” These narrowed open-ended questions can make it easy for children to follow the answer. Reply with a short \”yes\” or \”no\”; secondly, it can arouse the child\’s interest in discussion, because it is very specific, and some talk about other people\’s gossip; thirdly, this way of asking questions expresses your Interest, concern and curiosity, rather than questions that only require answers; fourthly, this kind of questioning is very relaxed and children will not feel tense and pressured. In addition, do not rush to \”correct\” or \”deny\”, but show empathy first. When we talk to our children, it’s easy to uncontrollably fall into a pattern—immediately correct or immediately deny. Let me restore a conversation scene first, so you can understand what I mean. The child said: \”I don\’t like eating carrots!\” You said: \”How could that be?Carrots are delicious and nutritious! Come, have a piece, you must eat it! …\” Or worse: \”Children can\’t be picky eaters, they have to eat everything! This is how you can grow taller! The child said: \”Math class is so boring!\” \”You said: \”How can it be boring? Mathematics class is so important! When you get into college in the future…\” Or worse: \”You have to study even if you\’re bored! If you don’t learn how to get into college in the future! The child said: \”I\’m afraid I won\’t do well in the exam tomorrow!\” \”You said: \”If you don\’t do well in the exam, you won\’t do well in the exam!\” It doesn\’t matter! As long as you work hard, test scores are not the most important thing! ” Or worse: “Why didn’t I do well in the exam?” Did you not study hard? Didn\’t you listen well to the teacher\’s lectures? The child said: \”I was not selected as a class cadre. I am so sad!\” \”You said: \”There\’s nothing to be sad about. In fact, it would be better if we didn\’t choose. We can concentrate on studying. ” Or worse: “Then it must be that you didn’t perform well enough. You have to work harder next time, otherwise people still won’t choose you!” \”Can you imagine the result of this kind of dialogue? The children will complain, my parents don\’t understand me, and I really can\’t communicate with them; while the parents will feel distressed and say sadly, I have tried my best to understand. Why is this child so difficult to discipline and communicate with? In fact, it’s not that the child is difficult to discipline or doesn’t want to talk to his parents, but that he doesn’t feel “accepted” by his parents when he talks, especially to others. Acceptance of his emotions. Our quick correction or immediate denial will make the child feel that \”my\” views, feelings, and emotions are irrelevant. What parents only value is their own views, and they must \” \”Bullying the small with the big\” is imposed on \”me\”, so many children are so \”angry\” that they are no longer willing to speak their minds. After showing empathy to the children, once we have a question for the children to answer First, you must learn to be patient (and control yourself), allow him to finish his words freely, and really listen with your heart. As a mother myself, I know how eager and easy it is for a mother to guide her child. , to prevent him from making mistakes or getting hurt. But many times, what children need more is for their parents to listen, and to listen with a sense of security, so that children are willing to speak their innermost feelings safely and honestly. We Only then can we know what is going on in his little head.