Let me tell you in the name of the people: What is more terrifying than divorce is pretending to be a couple in front of children

Recently, everyone is following \”In the Name of the People\”. In addition to serving as secretary Dakang in traffic, my eyes have always followed Gao Yuliang and Wu Huifen, a fake couple who are divorced but continue to act as a gracious and respectful couple in front of others. In the TV series, the couple pretends not to be divorced in order to protect their reputations, but in real life, some couples barely maintain a nominal relationship for the sake of their children, trying to use this kind of well-intentioned deception to protect their children from harm. But they don\’t know that a family with love but incomplete is better than a family that is complete but without love. What is more terrifying than divorce is pretending to be a couple in front of children! My friend Mei Ling and her husband, after experiencing the seven-year itch in their marriage, their former alliance was no longer worth the daily necessities of life. The only intersection between the two is their 8-year-old daughter. The two tried to save this relationship before, but they never resolved the core conflict. I have thought about divorce, but I don’t want to experience the pain of my parents’ divorce when my children are so young. So I endured it, and started arguing when I couldn\’t bear it. After the quarrel, I started to have a cold war when I was too lazy to argue. Then I pretended that each other didn\’t exist. Slowly, just like the song said, we became the most familiar strangers under the same roof, with only one difference. A fake couple specified in the divorce agreement. In order to protect their daughter, they showed affection in front of outsiders and remained polite in front of their daughter. Except for a few close friends who knew about it, outsiders could not tell that their relationship was in name only. They feel that they are responsible for their children, and they want to protect their children from adolescence first, and wait until the children grow up to understand them before divorcing and freeing themselves from this dead relationship. When talking about this secret, Mei Ling sometimes looks proud, as if she has found meaning in her humiliating sacrifice. However, reality was not sympathetic to her. My daughter, who seemed to be well cared for, had constant problems. I can’t say why I’m disobedient, but I have a weird personality, often loses my temper for no apparent reason, and rarely smiles on my face. More often, what we feel is a kind of indifference and depression that is inconsistent with her age. \”Why is this happening? It was because of her that I forced myself not to divorce. Why is she still unhappy?\” Mei Ling was worried while continuing the cold politeness between her and her husband. Until she received a call from her daughter\’s head teacher, asking her to come over. It turns out that the Chinese teacher assigned me a composition assignment to write an article with the theme of \”Mom, I want to tell you.\” Meiling\’s daughter wrote on the topic: Mom, I want to tell you, please divorce your father! I don’t know how Meiling felt after watching it. I just know that she had been having insomnia and thinking a lot during those days. When I saw her again, she looked much calmer and more relaxed, without the tightness she usually had. Meiling said, \”I always thought that I could protect my children from harm without getting divorced, but I didn\’t expect that my children would be so sensitive. It turns out that she already knew that our relationship was not good. When I quarreled with her father, she was not in so much pain. We After she looked better, she became more troubled.\” \”Can you see that I\’m unhappy?\” Mei Ling asked me suddenly, then lowered her head and murmured to herself, \”The child said she felt that I was not happy at all.\” Yes. Ah, feelingsWhether it is virtual or real, whether happiness is real or fake, you can know it with a little care, not to mention the child\’s heart is so pure and innocent. They can feel the forced smile, the cold eyes, the closed heart, the polite concern, the stagnant love, the unintentional sense of sacrifice… they can all feel it. \”Mom, I would rather you divorce your father and live the life you like, than see you so unhappy. You must be so unhappy because of me. I am really depressed and in pain. This kind of home is not what it is. Home, I don’t want a home like this, I want real parents!” Meiling choked up as she spoke about what her daughter wrote in her essay. I thought I could protect you from the wind and rain with my smiling face on the outside, but I didn’t expect that the ice in my heart was whipping my heart. After a while, I met Mei Ling again and learned that she and her husband had peacefully separated. Before that, she, her daughter, and her husband had a lot of open-hearted chats. During the exchanges, she truly realized that if a relationship really cannot go on, there is no use in escaping, and there is no use in trying to maintain it. Pretending Cheating is even more undesirable. If you want to truly reduce the harm to your children, you must fully respect the children\’s feelings, rather than taking it for granted that sacrificing yourself for your children is the best choice. In a family without love, with parents pretending to be full of sacrifice, children are prone to self-denial, inner fear and uneasiness, lack of security, and high emotional pressure. Over time, they will become lonely and sensitive, anxious and fragile, and they will become isolated if they continue. Emotions, suppressing and numbing one\’s own feelings, just like Meiling\’s daughter. If young children want to grow up healthily, they need the nourishment of love. Love will bring about growth, allowing life to continuously expand outwards and actively, becoming more open and powerful bit by bit. As long as parents give their children this kind of love and nourishment, even if they are separated, they will still bring positive growth power to their children. On the contrary, if there is no love, the superficial integrity cannot cover up the inner feeling of division, and it will only make the child suffer even more. Therefore, in many families where there are problems in the relationship between husband and wife, the children would actually rather divorce their parents as soon as possible so that they can live a better life, and do not want their parents to stay in pain in the marriage because of their relationship. Obama, who has been elected President of the United States for two consecutive terms, many people would not have imagined that he was a child in a single-parent family and was raised by his mother. Obama broke away from the stereotypical label of \”a troubled child in a single-parent family\” and reaped the benefits of a career and a family. This was inseparable from her mother\’s proper handling of the divorce at the time. Before the divorce, she told Obama that it was the result of changes in her parents\’ relationship, not his fault and had nothing to do with him. And even if his parents are no longer together, their love for him will never change. After the divorce, she fully respected Obama\’s need and expression of his father\’s love and never slandered or belittled his father in front of him. On the contrary, she often mentioned his father\’s merits and values ​​to keep him actively connected with his father in his heart. At the same time, after Obama\’s mother got divorced, she continued to learn and improve herself, so that she could live a confident, happy and fulfilling life, and become a role model for her son. Because his parents’ divorce did not bring him a sense of entanglement or deprivation, Obama never felt that he was a child of a single-parent family, and he never felt embarrassed or trapped.Instead of experiencing the pain and regret of his parents\’ separation, he pursues the excitement of his life with his parents\’ love and full inner energy. No child wants their parents to divorce, but children don\’t want to see their parents in pain. If you can, please try your best to learn to get along with your lover, cherish each other\’s fate, and water your home with love and warmth. If you really can\’t go on, please learn the wisdom of breaking up first, and don\’t let the death of your marriage turn into a family injury for your children.