Let the 15-year-old daughter change from \”weary of studying\” to \”interested in studying\”: Only children who have a sense of security can calm down and study

Since my daughter entered junior high school, our whole family has been suffering from her dislike of studying. When she was in the first grade of junior high school, she would often do her homework until 11 or 12 o\’clock in the evening. I would be very anxious and would nag her, accusing her of dragging her feet. Later, she would lie and say that she had finished writing. The next day the teacher told me truthfully that she had not written. I became even more anxious and scolded her even more. Slowly, she went from not being able to finish her homework to not doing her homework, from taking an hour\’s leave to half a day\’s leave, to one day\’s leave, to not wanting to go to school. At home, she often locks herself in her room, and it is even more common for her to stay up all night playing on her mobile phone. I saw that she was very anxious, so I couldn\’t help but talk to her, but she remained silent and refused to communicate. We have always managed our children the same way our parents manage us, thinking that as long as we give our children good material living conditions, let her eat and wear well, all she needs to do is study hard. It wasn\’t until my child had a problem and wouldn\’t go to school that I panicked. What\’s wrong with my child? How did that happen? During that time, it is no exaggeration to say that my husband and I both had a lot of gray hair. 02 In order to find a solution to the problem of my daughter being tired of studying, I often read articles and courses in this area online. A mother who had a similar experience to me gave me a glimmer of light. Her daughter also dropped out of junior high school. Finally, through her efforts, she successfully resumed school and was admitted to a key high school. It was also under her influence that I began to systematically study Ma’s “53321 Psychological Parenting System” to understand the psychological appeal behind children’s dislike of learning, as well as specific solutions. (Add the teacher’s WeChat account at the end of the article to get free courses related to the “53321 Psychological Nurturing System.”) Through one-on-one communication with a psychological counselor, I understand that children are tired of studying because they lack a sense of security. A doctor from a brain hospital once compared it this way: the inner \”restlessness\” of adolescent children is like the stuffing in a glutinous rice dumpling, and the various \”symptoms\” are the flour outside. Emotional-related symptoms and problems are like flour on the outside of glutinous rice balls. They come in all shapes and sizes—they can be black, white, or yellow. But the fillings inside are all the same, and they are all \”insecure\”. Therefore, as long as the child\’s insecurity has not disappeared and still exists, then these superficial symptoms and problems will stick to it like flour. On the contrary, if the child has a sufficient sense of security, no matter how much flour is used, it will not stick to it. Through study, I finally understood the child’s current problem. My daughter’s insecurity actually mainly comes from us. Our daughter left us when she was 4 to 8 months old and was taken care of by her grandmother in her hometown. Later, I asked a nanny to take care of her. I slept with the nanny at night. I had to go to work during the day, so I could only come back to play with her at night. We would take her out to play on weekends, and I felt that she was not as close to us as she was when she was a child. The nanny took care of her until she was 5 years old. Then I gave birth to my younger sister. After my grandparents took care of her for a year, my grandparents also came to take care of her. The staff was unstable, which made her feel insecure. When my sister was about 3 years old, she started to get jealous and felt that we favored her. The older she is, we take care of all her hands-on abilities and only focus on her grades. When the child is disobedient and does not get good grades, we will beat or scold her, leaving her with no sense of accomplishment or value.I have personally planted the seeds of insecurity in my children – my parents\’ love for me is conditional. If I don\’t have excellent grades, they will be disappointed in me and stop loving me. After entering junior high school, as the study pressure increased and the competition became fierce, my daughter gradually realized that no matter how hard she worked, it would be difficult to achieve the desired rankings and scores. When she discovered this, she developed fear and her inner insecurity rose to its peak. Teacher Mowei said: \”When a person\’s sense of security is lacking to a certain extent, he will completely become an irrational animal, either suppressed by emotions or erupting.\” After understanding that sense of security is the root of the problem, what should I do? What can we do to make our children feel safe? 031. To provide children with unconditional acceptance of love and trust and to give children a sense of security is actually to make children trust us. How to do it? The first is to provide adequate companionship. Although it is difficult to say \”a bowl of water is equal\”, you must take care of her emotions in daily life. Second, when she makes mistakes and encounters difficulties, tell her: \”Don\’t be afraid, mom and dad are here.\” We have completely changed the previous education method of high expectations, high standards, and strict requirements for our daughters. During that time, I actively engaged in psychological counseling, listened to teacher Mo Wei’s classes, took my daughter to travel and watch concerts, and never questioned her studies. Constantly express to your children: Mom and Dad will always love you, no matter whether you are good or not. I can calmly tell my relatives and friends that my daughter is \”recuperating\” and no longer feel ashamed and embarrassed. My daughter told me that my changes helped her gradually subconsciously know that she was safe and that her parents were not that scary and they still loved me. She said, I feel that I am safe and powerful when I encounter any difficulties. Unlike before, when I showed my vulnerability and helplessness to my parents, my parents always ignored and denied my pain. 2. Use a magnifying glass to look for the child’s strengths and give them a sense of value before we always focus on their children’s shortcomings. As long as something is not done well, we will keep preaching and blaming. When my children are acting badly, I always transform into a \”little rainbow fart expert\” whenever I have the opportunity to praise my children for their good deeds. For example, when I take her out, she takes photos very well. She can always \”get\” the light and angle easily, and every photo is pleasing to the eye. I always praise her for making me look white in this photo and showing her long legs in that photo. I told her that I saw a short video two days ago, in which there was a person who graduated from the Mathematics Department of Peking University. After graduation, he became a professional photographer and took many excellent works. Although his family didn\’t understand it, he found his own value in life. In fact, everything that happens in life has meaning to us, and it is a gift when it is solved. It is your current situation that gives your mother the opportunity to grow up, reflect on and be aware of your own education methods. The important thing is that at this age, you can also have the opportunity to stop and think about what you want. After our heart-to-heart communication, my daughter\’s condition changed \”visibly to the naked eye\”. She suddenly became relaxed and happy. I continue to learn, adjust my cognition, and change my perspective on problems. Under my influence and guidance, my daughter gradually becomespositive. Gradually, my daughter\’s fear of going to school and studying diminished, and she gradually came out of the state of lying down. I have been going to school normally for the past month, working hard at my own pace and not asking for leave. I\’m satisfied. Accompanying my daughter to get out of the crisis of lying down, I deeply realized that not only children should learn, but parents should also pay attention to learning and growth. We can also re-raise our children and re-raise ourselves. If your child has entered adolescence and has problems such as being tired of studying, being rebellious, addicted to mobile phones, not wanting to go to school, or even being depressed and dropping out of school. If you want to have in-depth communication, you can make an appointment for psychological counseling. Your confusion will be responded to as soon as possible.