Let your child do what he can, rather than spending your whole life with him

It seems like adults can\’t help but do things for children. It\’s really the kind of person who just goes up and does things for the child without realizing it. That day, my little niece came back from outside. As soon as she entered the house, my sister told her that she had left something delicious for her. She turned around and saw my dad and asked, \”Grandpa, where is my delicious food?\” My dad was busy, and after hearing her question, he said, \”Yeah, it\’s in the pot, I\’ll serve it to you.\” After that, he put down what he was doing and went to the kitchen. I\’m a little surprised. In my impression, my father is not the type of parent who doesn\’t spoil his children. Why is it no different now? The pot is cold and the pot is not placed high, so there is no need to worry about the child\’s safety. She is over six years old, and she can actually get it by herself. However, my dad didn’t even think about it and went by himself. Regarding letting children learn to do things independently, many people do not have a clear awareness, including myself. As for my child learning to use chopsticks, I never knew when the right time was, so I kept putting it off. As a result, he still doesn’t know how to use chopsticks. When he eats with chopsticks, he eats very slowly. And the food fell everywhere. And I accidentally saw that a friend’s child was already able to use chopsticks very freely when he was about three years old. I was surprised. I always thought that using chopsticks skillfully had to wait until the age of five or six. This incident made me sigh. It turns out that we really underestimated our children\’s abilities. My friend was probably afraid that I would blame myself, so she comforted me and said, \”It\’s okay, the child will get it naturally when he gets older.\” I accepted her comfort, but I didn\’t agree with the argument that \”the child will get it naturally\”. The so-called natural ability means that although adults have not deliberately taught it, children have consciously imitated and practiced it in their daily lives. If there is no imitation or practice at all, it is impossible for children to master it spontaneously. Therefore, as your child grows, you must give him enough opportunities to practice. From not knowing anything to becoming proficient at something, it is a process that must go through learning and a lot of practice. The \”10,000-hour rule\” says that if a person wants to master a skill and become an expert, he or she needs to practice for 10,000 hours without interruption. Of course we don’t expect our children to reach expert level in every skill, but daily practice is definitely indispensable. The process of practice is also a process of overcoming difficulties. It seems that everyone is afraid of difficulties. When they encounter them, they either want to escape or avoid them. The quality of facing difficulties is the result of repeated training. For a child of two or three years old, even a small matter like dressing himself is a big difficulty. My children have been training on dressing and washing for a whole semester. A semester later, dressing, washing, and packing his schoolbag finally became a routine that he could cope with easily, and he no longer needed adult intervention. It is easy for people to fall into the misunderstanding that if they don\’t help their children, they don\’t love their children and they are cruel parents. I was really despised: I once took my children to eat in a restaurant. I sat in my seat and didn\’t move, letting the children wash their hands by themselves, asking the waiter for tissues, and holding the bowl and putting the rice in my mouth. As I sat quietly, immersed in my own pride, I secretlyI heard someone say angrily, \”You\’re so lazy,\” and when I looked for the source of the sound, I was given a hard look by a lean and capable old lady with a roll of her eyes. Well? what\’s the situation? Not only can\’t we conspire with each other if we have different paths, but it\’s even difficult to eat in the same restaurant? I am indeed lazy, but will my son be diligent if I am lazy? Our ultimate goal in raising children is to teach them what to do, not to do for them. Cultivating your child\’s self-care ability is not just because you can\’t stay with him or do it for him forever, but also because your child needs to experience a sense of accomplishment and develop a sense of responsibility in doing things within his power. Children who are over-sponsored have no ambition, no self-confidence, no enthusiasm for anything, a negative attitude towards life, and will only run away and withdraw when encountering problems. The mantra is always: I won’t, I don’t want to, I don’t care. He is obviously a young man, but he lives like an old man with no desires or desires. People always wonder why this child is like a string puppet that cannot be lifted, but they don\’t know that the source is the parents\’ excessive care. Excessive arrogance can also blur the sense of boundaries and make children have no sense of responsibility. Some people say that Chinese people generally lack a sense of boundaries. This is absolutely true, and this lack of boundaries is especially true in the parent-child relationship. Parents always use the banner of \”love\” to enter their children\’s world without any bottom line. Why don\’t you help your child when he falls? From the perspective of the sense of boundaries, if he falls and gets up on his own, that is a child\’s business. The parents who rushed to pick up their children from the ground for the first time did not know that they were picking up their children and breaking the boundaries. Children who grow up with a sense of blurred boundaries are completely unaware of the responsibilities they should bear. I personally saw a girl, already a high school student, lose her wallet on the bus. She cried out at that time: I lost my wallet! Then he was stunned for three seconds, took out his cell phone and called his mother, crying. In this case, it would be more practical for her to ask the driver for help. However, she just held the phone and cried, and even if others wanted to help, they didn\’t even have time to interrupt. The result can be imagined. After she got off the car after crying, could her mother still have the ability to catch thieves from a distance? At first glance, it seems that such children usually have too many things done by their parents. They have no experience and lack of experience in dealing with things. They panic when something happens and go to their mother when they panic. They don\’t even realize that this is something they should figure out a solution for themselves. In other words, it was her own responsibility.