Letting children become their true selves is the best education

I read an article written by a mother who talked about how she wanted to have a son. In this way, her child would no longer experience various discomforts during pregnancy, the pain of childbirth, the suffering of confinement, the exhaustion of raising a child, and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The son only needs to be there to feel sorry for his wife, or he can pretend to feel sorry for her. For many mothers, the universal and traumatic experience of childbirth strikes home. It is difficult for today\’s mothers to no longer be responsible for taking care of their children as they did in the past. They also have to worry about whether they will be out of touch with society, whether they will be looked down upon by their grown-up children, and they do not want to be a \”useless middle-aged woman.\” They were still recharging their batteries during pregnancy, and after giving birth to a baby, they worked hard in the workplace and went home at night to continue taking care of the baby. They didn\’t dare to stop. Even as full-time wives, they are learning various skills to improve themselves. They are all pursuing independence, but they are also under tremendous pressure. When they say they are afraid of having children, their mother-in-law or husband may stand up and say that not all women are like this; when they say that they are tired of making money and raising children, some husbands will feel that their wives are pretentious; when they cannot control their emotions, When they are irritable and irritable, some husbands will feel that their wives are unreasonable; when they need their husbands to accompany them, they may face their husbands and complain that they are under too much financial pressure and have to be busy making money. Some mothers even suffer from varying degrees of postpartum depression. Based on this, many mothers do not want their children to repeat their experiences. It is human nature not to want your children to suffer. Which mother does not love her children and is willing to sacrifice everything for her children. However, based on this, the mother projects her own painful experience onto the imaginary daughter or the born daughter, which is a kind of emotional displacement in itself. Having children is only one stage of a girl\’s life, not the whole process. If a girl doesn\’t want a girl because it will be very painful to have children in the future, she will not be able to eat because of choking. Obviously, it doesn\’t make sense. Such mothers have too strong personal emotions and can easily ignore their children\’s own thoughts. Children are children, whether they are boys or girls, they are independent individuals. No matter how much a mother loves her children, she cannot impose her will on her children. Putting your own will over your child\’s will is not love, it\’s selfishness. Xiaoxiao became a mother and loved her daughter very much. Her daughter is seven or eight years old, and Xiaoxiao is reluctant to let her daughter suffer, or even suffer a little grievance, and will do anything for her daughter. When her daughter wants to help Xiaoxiao with housework, she always sends her daughter aside to do it herself; when her daughter’s test scores drop, she always thinks that her daughter must be sad and comforts her daughter not to be sad; when her daughter buys clothes, Xiaoxiao doesn’t listen to her daughter’s ideas, and she feels that she I also know what clothes my daughter will look good on. When Xiaoxiao was a child, she was the one who was ignored at home and the one who did the hard work. When Xiaoxiao became a mother and had a daughter, she wanted to \”compensate\” for her daughter. She felt very satisfied seeing her daughter \”pampered\”. In the final analysis, Xiaoxiao is satisfied with her \”inner little girl\”. Her \”inner parent\” did not care enough for her \”inner little girl\”, and her \”inner little girl\” had many unmet expectations. When her daughter was born, her \”inner little girl\” was projected onto her daughter,Love your daughter the way you like or expect. However, mothers like Xiaoxiao cannot see the real existence of their children. They feel that \”a child is better than a mother\” and they often do things for their children and even help them make many important decisions, regardless of whether the child needs it or not. . Mothers like Xiaoxiao like to help their children plan for the future, what kind of school to attend, which university to enter, but it is difficult for them to help when choosing a major, choosing a job, or falling in love, or depending on which family\’s children live better Well, let your children follow the path of other children. Children have their own sense of independence. One day they no longer satisfy their mother\’s arrangements. When the mother insists on letting the children follow their own ideas and says it is for the child\’s own good, the children are in a dilemma. They may simply confront their mother, or they may suppress their anger towards their mother. And dissatisfaction, it is difficult to deal with the relationship with the lover after marriage. Some children are accustomed to following arrangements and do not know what kind of life they want to live. They lack independent opinions and vitality. Even if you want to try a different life, you will still be hesitant and at a loss. Mothers love their children very much, but more importantly, they stand on their own side and feel that they are really doing good for their children. Even if they go against the child\’s temperament, she believes that the child will understand her good intentions in the future. In the eyes of outsiders, Tongtong has a stable job and has established a harmonious family, but Tongtong is not happy. Tongtong talked about her growing up experience, and her mother was the one who had the greatest influence on her in all aspects. When Tongtong was a child, her mother bought her some delicious fruits. She was reluctant to eat them, so she carefully collected them and put them in her fruit kitchen. Some relatives came to visit with their children, and her mother took out all the fruits for them to eat. Tongtong was very unhappy, and her mother criticized her for being stingy and ignorant. Later, her mother often did this too, giving her food, toys, and clothes away without her permission. Tongtong felt a little unhappy when she thought about it now. Tongtong likes to watch TV, and she was watching it enthusiastically. Her mother urged her to do her homework. She said she would watch it for a while, but her mother suddenly turned off the TV and kicked her out of the TV room. When guests came to the house, her mother often brought Tongtong to the guests and asked Tongtong to greet and chat with the guests. Tongtong didn\’t like it very much and left after saying hello a few times. Her mother said she was too humble and she was very angry. Mom bought a dress for Tongtong, but Tongtong didn\’t like it, so her mother insisted on letting Tongtong wear it, but Tongtong refused to wear it. Her mother was very angry and insisted on letting Tongtong wear it, otherwise she wouldn\’t be given food. Sometimes, her mother gets angry and says she doesn\’t want Tongtong anymore. Tongtong is very scared and has to rely on her mother no matter how reluctant she is. Tongtong did not perform well in school, so her mother felt very embarrassed and asked her to cheer up her mother and try to get good grades next time. Tongtong would be very happy if she did well in the exam, but if she failed in the exam, she would be afraid of facing her mother\’s \”angry\” face. When she wanted to do something she liked, her mother said, no, someone will laugh at her and it would be a shame. Tongtong knew that her mother cared about other people\’s opinions, and other people\’s opinions were related to her mother\’s face, and her mother\’s face was very important. For her mother\’s face, she had to ask herself to do things she didn\’t like. Mother\’s will comes. In order to make the child obey her wishes, the mother does not hesitate to lie,Threats and intimidation, with no regard for the child\’s feelings. As everyone knows, since then, children have gradually lost their connection with their true self, and it is difficult for them to follow their own hearts and feelings when doing things. When they grow up, they are constrained by rules and regulations and enter society. They are very concerned about the faces and evaluations of important others, for fear that they will be unhappy like their mother and find it difficult to insist on being themselves. When Tongtong grew up, he suppressed his true thoughts and wishes, and did not even know what his true thoughts and wishes were. In college, she really wanted to compete for class cadres, but she was afraid of losing face if she couldn\’t run. Her mother said that face was very important, and her face was her mother\’s face, so she had to suppress her thoughts. After working, Tongtong didn\’t know what kind of job she should do well. She felt that she couldn\’t find something she liked very much, and she couldn\’t tell what kind of job she was suitable for. She accepted her father\’s arrangement and had a stable job. Her mother has always prevented Tongtong from falling in love prematurely, saying that falling in love is not good. Tongtong went home for the annual vacation and was urged to find a partner. The seventh aunt and the eighth aunt said that so and so had two children. The mother was anxious, worried that it would be difficult for her daughter to get married as she got older, so she kept arranging blind dates for her. Mom thinks Desheng is suitable for Tongtong and often creates opportunities for them to date. Tongtong didn\’t care about Desheng at all, but she didn\’t resent him either. The two got married after dating for nearly two years, and then Tongtong became a mother. Tongtong felt like her life was being lived for her mother, and everything was done according to her mother\’s wishes. She didn\’t know who she was or what her favorite thing was. She was like a machine, doing things according to instructions. When encountering some wronged things in life, Kiritong is a ninja and doesn\’t talk about it, letting himself feel sad in silence. Parents think that children are a blank slate. How parents shape their children will determine what kind of person they will become. Therefore, parents always control their children in the name of love and suppress their children to become themselves. There is a kind of hunger, which is called my mother\’s feeling that I am still hungry; there is a kind of cold, which is called my mother\’s feeling that I am very cold; there is a kind of bitterness, which is called my mother\’s feeling that I am suffering; there is a kind of effort, which is called my mother\’s feeling that I should study; there is a kind of goal, which is called my mother\’s feeling that I should study; , called my mother, I should achieve it; there is a direction, called my mother, I should insist on it. Montessori, an Italian educator, believes that a child is by no means a blank slate. On the contrary, the child has a spiritual embryo from the very beginning, and this spiritual embryo contains the code for spiritual growth. Moreover, only children can unlock this code through their own actions, feelings and thinking. Let children be themselves. When children are very young, respect their independence. Under the conditions of ensuring sufficient safety, let children explore and continue trial and error instead of telling them that they can\’t do this or that. , this is wrong, what should be done. Let children learn to be responsible for their own choices. Give children pocket money and let them try to think about how to spend it. With a certain amount of money in a certain period of time, they can learn how to maximize the use of money. Respect your children\’s interests and hobbies, rather than forcing them to learn what you think is useful. Let your children be themselves, let them build their own self-confidence through choices and efforts. They are who they are, and there is no need to compare your children with anyone else. letChildren should do what they like according to their own age, and do not urge them to do things they are not willing or willing to do. I believe that your children are fully capable of choosing a wonderful life that belongs to them. Don\’t transfer your negative emotions to your children. Let your children be responsible for their own emotions, not yours. Your child is an individual, not someone you try to mold or control. You do love your children, but please do so in the way your children need, not in the way your own \”inner child\” wants. See the true self of your children, respect their value, and convey to them a positive philosophy of life and an optimistic outlook on life. The children get the freedom they want, and you get the beautiful parent-child relationship you want. Long Yingtai said in his work \”Watching Off\”, \”I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called relationship between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch him off in this life. Gradually, Walking further and further away. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the turning point of the path. Moreover, he silently tells you with his back: No need to chase. \”No matter how much a mother loves her child, he will pursue his dreams when he grows up.\” The life I want requires less and less dependence on my mother. This is a process that makes my mother feel very reluctant to let go. As a mother, love your child, accompany your child, cultivate his independence, slowly let go of your hands, and silently appreciate your child\’s growth. The best way for a mother to love her child is not to let the child live according to her own wishes in the name of love, but to help the child be himself, a self with judgment, opinion and true feelings: choose what he loves and love what he loves. select.