Letting children make their own decisions is so important

During the Chinese New Year, I found my little nephew curled up in a ball on the sofa with an unhappy face, so I asked him what happened. The little nephew pouted, his eyebrows stood up in two diagonal lines, and complained angrily: \”Mom took away my New Year\’s money.\” It turned out that his \”financial power\” was completely in the hands of his mother. Not only did he receive the money during the Spring Festival All the new year\’s money given to him by his parents must be \”confiscated\”, and all the birthday gifts and red envelopes given by elders must be \”turned over\” and kept by his mother for him. Every time he wanted to buy stationery and snacks, he had to ask his mother for money, but his \”application\” was often rejected, which made him feel very annoyed and inconvenient. \”I will never give her all my money again. It\’s my money.\” He muttered. \”When I receive money in the future, I will give her half at most and keep half myself.\” He said this When I spoke, my voice was childish, but my attitude was extremely serious. I couldn\’t help but laugh. But after laughing about it, I felt that although it was a small matter, there were some truths in it that parents should not take lightly. Although children are young, they are extremely eager to be able to arrange their own lives, decide their own expenses and budgets, and have their own voice and decision-making power in daily affairs. As a parent, I hope that they will develop good habits from an early age and not spend money randomly. This is originally a good starting point. However, we should also consider that if we take away all the money from the children, on the one hand, they will feel aggrieved because they think that the money belongs to them, so they will be dissatisfied with the parents\’ arrangements. On the other hand, they may feel that after the money is handed over to their parents, they may not be allowed to spend it every time they want to spend it, which is very annoying and troublesome. As a result, they may hide their money and learn to conceal and deceive. This result deviates from the original intention of parents to teach their children to be frugal. In the process of children\’s growth, parental management and restraint are of course indispensable. However, every child, after growing to a certain stage, has its own needs for independence. If we have to take care of everything, take care of everything all the time, and take care of things too much and too strictly, it will actually hinder the development of the child\’s independence, and it will also be unfavorable for him to exercise his ability to manage himself and establish the concept of leading himself. Yin Jianli, a parenting expert, once told a story like this: There was a three- or four-year-old child who especially liked to eat sweets. For her sake, her mother felt that if she ate too much, not only would she develop dental caries, but she might also gain weight, which would be detrimental to the healthy growth of her child. Therefore, she strictly restrained her child and made a rule: \”You are only allowed to eat two pieces of candy every day.\” From then on, the child woke up every morning and was very eager to eat candy, and after eating, he always tried every means to eat candy. Ask your mother for it. However, no matter how coquettish and entangled the child is, the parent is still \”strictly disciplined\” and sticks to the rules she set, even if she eats one more piece! To show her determination, she put the small bucket of sugar on a high cabinet out of the children\’s reach. However, one day, the parent suddenly discovered that the candy cone was mostly empty! When she looked closely, she saw that a stool had been moved in front of the cabinet where she kept the sugar bucket. Suddenly, she understood what was going on: even thoughShe repeatedly warned not to eat more, but the child still secretly climbed into the cabinet to eat candy. The parent couldn\’t help but be shocked: Originally, she was thinking about her child and letting her know health and self-control, so she deliberately controlled the amount of sweets she ate. However, contrary to what she expected, the child did not exercise restraint and instead ate more. Instead of exercising the self-control she wanted, she developed a bad habit of cheating. The mother reflected on her actions, went to talk to her child, and apologized to her. She did not expose the child\’s stealing of candy. She just told the child: \”You love eating candy so much, but your mother always forgets to take the initiative to give you candy every day. The baby will have to chase her mother for candy every day. This will not be good in the future.\” Let\’s do this. The baby can take care of the candy cone by himself. He can get the candy by himself whenever he wants, okay?\” The child\’s eyes lit up when he heard this, and he kept saying yes. His mother then told him that eating too much candy is not good, so I still hope that you will eat two pieces of candy every day. There are 20 pieces of candy here. When you finish eating, mother will buy new ones. After saying that, she handed the candy bucket to the child who was full of surprise. A few days later, she quietly counted the candies, and was happy to find that the child really didn\’t eat more than one piece. Therefore, Yin Jianli said that changes in parenting methods are actually changes in educational ideas. In this case, after the parents handed over the decision-making power to their children, they immediately achieved great results: first, they controlled the amount of candy the children ate, second, they allowed the children to develop their self-control well, and third, they effectively prevented Children lie and cheat. Therefore, she said with emotion: \”Parents must withdraw from the role of supervisors and controllers, return trust to their children, and let them gain the right to self-management. This decentralization of power will inevitably arouse children\’s inner sense of self-esteem and responsibility. , just like a spoonful of sugar put into a cup of pure water, it will inevitably make the water sweeter.\” When a child has independent authority, he will feel that he is fully respected, and he will behave accordingly to match To deserve this kind of respect. On the contrary, when he feels that even if he wants to fulfill a small wish, he will be restricted and blocked, he will try every means to do it, and be naughty and mischievous. Parents run the household and hope that the family tradition will be strict and the children will be obedient. This is originally a well-intentioned idea. But there is a limit to everything, and too much is never enough. If you spend a small amount of money or eat a small candy, you must be strictly restricted, and the child will feel restricted everywhere. If there are too many rules, it will be difficult to form a circle. In the field of management, there is a special management model called \”paternalistic management\”, which means that the decision-making and management rights of an organization are concentrated in the hands of business leaders. Subordinates almost completely obey the will of the company leader in everything, and have no authority of their own. Just like what is said in \”Zhu Xi\’s Family Rites\”: \”All humble and young children, no matter how big or small, do not have to do it exclusively, they must consult their parents.\” The disadvantage of this method is that too many rules, excessive intervention, and everything is done, which may lead to subordinates\’ rebellious psychology and resentment, and is not conducive to training subordinates\’ self-management and decision-making abilities. As a result, managers have little effect. Businesses may also lack vitality and become inflexible. A manager of a family is actually like a manager of a businessmanagers. A smart leader will dare to delegate power and allow his subordinates to display their talents. As it is said in the \”Tao Te Ching\”: \”The best managers are very leisurely, and they rarely talk to their subordinates about various rules.\” Because subordinates are fully trusted and have room to express themselves freely, they will be motivated, behave in a standardized manner, and become capable, while managers can relax, manage by doing nothing, and get twice the result with half the effort. On the contrary, if you interfere in everything and have too many rules, not only will you be exhausted, but the people you want to help may lack opinions and be lazy because they have not received practice and training. Just like in \”The Romance of the Three Kingdoms\”, Zhuge Liang was very hands-on and dedicated to everything. As a result, he not only exhausted his body, but also created an Adou who could not support him. Back then, when Liu Bei was in charge of the government himself, he did not stick to trivial matters and employed people without suspicion. Although his own abilities are not top-notch, he dares to trust and delegate power, so the soldiers under his command are excellent. The same is true when educating children. In family life, in some small matters, if parents are willing to authorize and let their children learn to make decisions and take charge of themselves, they can effectively learn self-control in all aspects of their lives. We can cultivate children\’s financial intelligence and let them learn to use and control their own money expenses; cultivate children\’s planning ability and let them learn to arrange their own meals and daily life; cultivate children\’s execution ability and let them organize family entertainment and leisure… Our letting go and support may seem like small things, but they mean a lot. Parental delegation of authority is a prerequisite for children to practice and learn self-management. When a child has the initiative, he will feel that he is important and realize his own value. At the same time, the trust of his parents makes him feel respected and dignified. Therefore, he will grow actively and voluntarily regulate himself. If you love your child, please let him have the right to make decisions.