Li Meijin: Cultivate self-disciplined children and adhere to the \”4 rejections\” principle. 90% of parents regret not seeing it earlier.

A mother and I discussed a topic: \”How to raise a self-disciplined child?\” This Shanghai mother cried to me. Her son Xiaojie is in fifth grade this year. When he comes home from school every day, Xiaojie always turns on the TV first and is addicted to He did not start doing homework until Ms. Zhang came home from get off work and urged him to do cartoons. Even under the supervision of his mother, Xiaojie is often distracted, drinking water for a while, saying he is tired for a while, and procrastinating to finish his homework until very late. Many parents find that their children also have the above situation, and their expectations for their children to become dragons and phoenixes are skewed. Although they repeatedly reason with their children, and even use beatings and scolding to educate them, their children still have no self-discipline. Parents are also puzzled, how can they cultivate a self-disciplined child? For children, self-discipline means being independent, having their own rules of life and abiding by social rules. It also requires the ability to \”focus\” or \”immerse yourself\” in doing one thing. The child\’s \”full devotion\” requires an environment that is predictable and controllable for him to achieve. On the road to parenting, how to cultivate children\’s self-discipline and make them more independent and confident as they grow up is a concern of every parent. The \”Four Refusals\” principles proposed by the famous education expert Professor Li Meijin provide guidance for parents to cultivate self-disciplined children. What follows is a detailed discussion of these four principles, as well as corresponding life case analysis to help children become more self-disciplined. 1. Refusal to reach out – training children to be independent. Refusing to reach out is to cultivate children’s independence. When children encounter problems, let them figure out their own solutions first. This helps children learn to think independently and solve problems. Parents should encourage children to try to solve problems on their own, even if they fail, as part of growing up independently. After all, children will grow up and lose the ability to be independent. How can we expect children to be self-disciplined? Especially when children are 2-3 years old, parents should take the initiative to train their children to do what they can. When children\’s independence is cultivated, they will have more confidence and ability to develop self-discipline. Smart parents know how to let go and reach out. When cultivating children\’s independence, they choose to let go and avoid relying on parents for things they can do. Reaching out also gives you appropriate assistance when children have failed to independently explore and solve problems. Educator Maria Montessori said: \”The true meaning of education is to enable children to think independently and act independently to shape their personality.\” Xiao Ming encountered difficulties when trying to assemble a complex Lego model. His father Instead of helping him right away, he was encouraged to try it on his own first. After some hard work, Xiao Ming finally successfully completed the assembly, which not only enhanced his self-confidence, but also gave him a sense of accomplishment in solving problems independently. 2. Reject nagging – Excessive nagging that stimulates children\’s internal drive will reduce the child\’s sense of autonomy, reduce the child\’s internal drive, make the child feel bored, and even create a rebellious mentality. Parents should learn to communicate with their children in more effective ways, stimulate their inner motivation, and let them complete tasks consciously. Children who are often nagged will feel that they are being asked to do things by their parents and have very little sense of autonomy. They will think that it is their parents\’ business and not their own inner thoughts.Things to do. As a result, there was a situation of \”going in with the left ear and coming out with the right ear\”, and even talking back to parents and being rebellious. A good education should be about parents igniting their children\’s passion. Teaching by example is better than words. When talking about principles is ineffective, parents should use actions to show their children and use the power of role models to cultivate their children. Use actions to stimulate children\’s inner drive. Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler: \”The art of education lies in stimulating students\’ intrinsic motivation, rather than relying solely on external rewards.\” Xiaohua\’s mother found that whenever she repeatedly reminded Xiaohua to do homework, Xiaohua\’s Hua always procrastinates. Later, my mother changed her strategy, worked out a study plan with Xiaohua, and encouraged him to supervise the completion by himself. As a result, Xiaohua not only completed the homework on time, but also actively asked for more reading time. 3. Refuse to lose temper – Cultivate children’s emotional intelligence. Emotional management is an important part of emotional intelligence. When parents face their children\’s mistakes, they should remain calm and use a rational approach to guide their children to recognize the mistakes and correct them, rather than expressing dissatisfaction by losing their temper. Children are natural imitators and will imitate their parents’ behaviors and emotional responses. If parents often lose their temper, children can easily learn this negative emotional expression, which directly lowers the child\’s emotional intelligence. When parents lose their temper, children may feel insecure and confused, and may be timid and fearful, forming an introverted personality. It may also lead to a decrease in self-esteem and a lack of self-worth, which may result in children lacking empathy and being unable to empathize with others. . Psychologist Daniel Goleman: \”Emotional intelligence is the key to success. It is more important than IQ.\” Xiaogang accidentally broke a vase at home. His father did not get angry, but calmly asked what happened. And worked with Xiaogang to clean up the debris. Afterwards, his father and Xiaogang discussed how to avoid similar incidents from happening, which helped Xiaogang learn to take responsibility and solve problems. 4. Refuse to be pushed – let the children enjoy the process. Every child’s growth rhythm is different. Parents should respect their children\’s personality and growth rate, do not push them too much, and allow their children to grow naturally in a stress-free environment. Many parents are very concerned about their children\’s grades and enroll in various interest classes and tutoring classes for fear that their children will fall behind other people\’s children. This is imposing their own requirements and wishes on their children, and they don\’t care whether their children really need it. \”Destroying the growth of young people\” is an obstacle to children\’s life and learning, and it also affects their physical and mental health. Every child is like a small tree. There are individual differences in the growth rate. Parents should respect their children\’s growth patterns. Children should do corresponding things at each stage to grow steadily and enjoy the beauty of the process. Educator John Holt once said: \”Children\’s growth is not a race, but a journey. Our task is to accompany them, not to rush them.\” Xiaoli made slow progress when learning piano, and her mother did not Instead of urging her, patiently accompany her to practice and encourage her to enjoy the fun of music. Eventually, Xiaoli not only improved her piano skills, but also developed a love for music. Parents can learn and adhere to the “4 Say Nos” principles shared by Professor Li Meijin.Cultivate children\’s self-discipline more effectively and help them become independent, confident, and responsible people. Self-discipline is a product of socialization, not human instinct. Therefore, when cultivating a self-disciplined child, parents should not blindly apply the \”4 Nos\” principle, but should be flexible, patient and step-by-step. In short, educating children is a spiritual practice for parents, and developing the habit of self-discipline in children is a slow and spiral process. During this process, avoid \”too fast, too large a step, or too high requirements.\” Parents should care for their children with love and patience, so that the children can grow up to be independent and self-disciplined.