Li Meijin: Don’t expect your children to be self-disciplined. Parents are obsessed with these 6 things. The sooner you understand them, the better.

A mother and I discussed a topic: How to raise self-disciplined children? This fan mother in Shanghai confided to me: Her son is in the third grade of elementary school, but he always lacks self-discipline. When he comes home from school every day, he always plays video games first and doesn\’t start doing homework until very late. Even if I remind him many times, he often procrastinates, resulting in low-quality assignments and a decline in grades. I am particularly eager now for my son to learn self-discipline. On the road to parenting, parents are eager to cultivate self-disciplined children. However, self-discipline is not innate, because self-discipline itself is anti-human. Parents should not expect their children to be self-disciplined. If you want to cultivate a child\’s self-discipline, the age of three to six is ​​a critical period. He happens to be in a critical period of physical and mental development. It is said in \”The Power of Self-Discipline\”: Self-discipline is not a goal, but a tool to achieve goals, and it can be trained. Professor Li Meijin, a well-known educationist and psychologist, pointed out that parents cannot simply expect their children to learn self-discipline, but need to do six things to guide and cultivate their children. Next, let’s discuss the specific content of these six aspects and the corresponding life cases to help parents better understand and practice. 1. Use less coercion and stimulate children’s internal drive. When educating children, parents often fall into a misunderstanding, which is to achieve the purpose of education by forcing their children. However, this approach often backfires. When parents try to force their children to learn, the children will become resistant. On the contrary, when parents respect their children\’s wishes and give them the right to make independent choices, children are more likely to be interested and motivated in learning. Think about it, how many parents in life push their children like a snail. The children feel that they are completing the parents\’ tasks and have no sense of value at all. Urging and forcing will only make children rebellious and dilly-dally. Educator Yeats said: \”Education is not indoctrination, but igniting a flame.\” Xiao Ming\’s parents always forced him to learn mathematics, but Xiao Ming had no interest in it. Later, his parents changed their strategy and let Xiao Ming choose the subjects he was interested in. Xiao Ming chose astronomy, his passion, and his parents supported his choice and encouraged him to study in depth. Xiao Ming\’s enthusiasm for learning was stimulated, and he began to actively learn relevant mathematical knowledge to better understand astronomical phenomena. 2. Give children more \”spiritual rewards\”. In the process of children\’s growth, spiritual rewards can often stimulate children\’s inner motivation more than material rewards. An affirmative look, a satisfied smile, and a sincere compliment can all make children feel recognized and respected, thus enhancing their self-confidence and sense of achievement. Every child longs for recognition and appreciation from his parents, which is not necessarily material, but more sincere appreciation from his parents\’ hearts, which is of great significance to the development of internal drive in children. Therefore, parents must not be stingy about exaggerating their children. When their children do well, praise them vigorously. \”Praise is the food of the soul.\” Xiaohua won first place in the school\’s painting competition. Instead of buying him expensive gifts, his parents gave him a big hug and sincere praise. Xiaohua felt very proud. He knew that his efforts had been recognized, which made him feel more satisfied than any material reward. 3. Learn to decompose “\”Goal tasks\” When faced with a big goal, children can easily feel stressed and fearful. Parents can help their children break down the big goal into a series of small goals, and then refine these small goals into tasks that can be completed every day. In this way, children can Feel more relaxed and relaxed as you complete your daily tasks Have a sense of accomplishment. Children\’s abilities and self-confidence are developed by achieving small goals. When parents assign tasks to their children, they should avoid excessive expectations and help their children achieve each small task to increase their sense of competence. Confidence and self-discipline. Lao Tzu said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. \”Xiao Li wanted to learn to play the piano, but she felt it was an unattainable goal. Her mother helped her break down the goal into learning a new piece of music every week and practicing for half an hour every day. Through this breakdown, Xiao Li Feeling that her goal became achievable, she began to enjoy daily practice and gradually improved her piano skills. 4. Let children experience the \”natural consequences\” of their actions. It is an important means to cultivate their self-discipline. Allowing children to bear the consequences of their actions within a safe range can help them learn self-control and take responsibility. They may not be able to listen to the big principles. It is enough to teach children what the consequences will be if they fail to achieve it in advance. Making it clear will also allow children to learn to face consequences and take responsibility. The lessons of this experience must be experienced, which is the way for children to grow. Franklin said: \”Experience is the most expensive school, but it is the only school.\” \”Xiaogang always forgot to bring his homework to school, and his parents decided to let him bear the consequences. When Xiaogang was criticized by the teacher for not bringing his homework, he realized his mistake and began to learn to check his schoolbag every day , make sure you bring all the necessary items. 5. Solve problems with your children. As children learn and grow, they will encounter various problems. Parents’ companionship and help can make children feel more comfortable. Increase peace of mind and confidence. Parents should understand their children\’s thoughts in a timely manner, resolve their confusion, and work together to find solutions to problems. When children encounter confusion, parents do not immediately solve it, but teach their children to analyze the difficulties and guide them to think. solutions, and then provide appropriate help. In this way, the difficulty is solved, the child gains the most, and the sense of value comes. “The essence of education is guidance, not coercion. \”Xiaojie encountered difficulties in learning mathematics, and he felt very frustrated. Instead of blaming him, his father sat down to analyze the problem with him and helped him find a strategy to solve the problem. Through such interaction, Xiaojie not only solved 6. Respect and trust children. Parents should learn how to face challenges and difficulties. Children should be treated with respect, trust and love, so that they can feel their own value and ability. Parents trust their children, believe in their children\’s abilities, and support their children unconditionally. This gives them full motivation to overcome difficulties. The source of strength to fight against inertia. If parents don’t trust their children, how can they have the confidence to persevere? “Trust is the key to opening the heart. \”SmallMei is an introverted child who felt very nervous during her school\’s speech contest. Her mother did not force her to participate, but respected her choice and told her that she would support Xiaomei no matter the outcome. Xiaomei felt her mother\’s trust and love. She decided to challenge herself and eventually performed well in the competition. Theodore Roosevelt once said: There is a quality that can make a person stand out from the mediocre people who do nothing. This quality is not talent, education, or IQ, but self-discipline. In short, cultivating children\’s self-discipline is not something that can be achieved overnight, but requires parents\’ patient guidance and support in daily life. By respecting children\’s wishes, giving mental rewards, breaking down target tasks, allowing children to experience natural consequences, solving problems together, and respecting and trusting children, parents can help children gradually establish self-discipline habits and lay a solid foundation for their future.