Losing temper is a child’s “help” signal

How annoying is a child\’s tantrums? Every day we hear parents complaining to us about their children\’s tantrums: I almost slapped my son twice. He was tired enough, but he insisted on going out to buy a toy called \”Crystal Mud\”. I told him in a good voice that my mother was tired and would go tomorrow. He didn\’t want to, so he pulled my clothes towards the door and yelled: \”I don\’t want it, I have to go today, go now, hurry up!!!\” I felt angry and ignored him. 36 Ways to Parenting by Chen Meiling to Help Your Child Go Directly to Top Schools MP3 [Complete] After a while, I heard a loud \”bang\” and the chair was pushed to the ground. He stood aside and stared at me with his lips pursed, like Like an enemy. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. After all, I am already 7 years old, how can I be so ignorant! If his father hadn\’t stopped him, I would have beaten him to death. When the mother said this, she sighed: \”The older the child gets, the louder his temper becomes. Now I have to endure my anger every day when I go back, for fear that one day I won\’t be able to control it and break his legs.\” \”Yes.\” Ah, yes…\” A father quickly scolded him after hearing this, and the parents around him also felt the same way and agreed one after another. But surprisingly, one mother said: \”I envy you very much.\” She was silent for a while, and then told everyone under the puzzled eyes of everyone: \”My eldest daughter no longer loses her temper with me, and she doesn\’t talk to me much anymore. .\” This mother\’s story silenced everyone… The mother talked about what happened to her. She came from the countryside and suffered a lot from being uneducated when she came to the city. She hoped in her heart that her children would make a difference, win glory for themselves, and live a more comfortable life in the future. Therefore, she is very strict with her eldest daughter. She has not been allowed to watch TV since she was a child. On weekends, her daughter is either attending interest classes or practicing calligraphy at home. At first, my daughter would be noisy and fussy. It\’s just that she is also a mother for the first time, and she always feels that her daughter is very willful, disobedient and ignorant, and often beats and scolds her. There were many times when the neighbors couldn\’t bear it anymore and came out to persuade her to stop, but she didn\’t feel anything wrong at all. This situation lasted for many years. Looking back now, I don’t know when my daughter stopped crying and losing her temper. Later, my daughter grew up, got into a good university, found a decent job… and became farther and farther away from home. During the Chinese New Year last year, a family member returned to her hometown and saw her sister-in-law\’s daughter clinging to her parents, chatting and laughing very intimately… She suddenly felt a little sad. That day, my daughter kept her hands in her coat pockets and walked in front, keeping a certain distance from her. She quickly approached her daughter, hesitated for a long time, and said, \”How is work? Talk to mom?\” \”That\’s it, it\’s good.\” It is said that knowing a child is like a mother, but her daughter never complains to her. , it is difficult to make one phone call home a month. She didn\’t even know how her daughter was going to develop in the future, or whether she would be bullied outside… Her nose felt sore, because the child she raised by herself didn\’t even say a word to her. The mother looked to be in her 40s, and her eyes turned red in front of everyone: \”I reallyI envy you so much that your children still lose their temper. \”Everyone was silent. It turns out that losing your temper is \”asking for help.\” In fact, let alone children, even adults will lose their temper when they can\’t control it. Let\’s think about it carefully, why do we lose our temper? It\’s nothing more than being wronged, Feeling unhappy and wanting to vent negative emotions. A psychologist once said: \”Children\’s tantrums are actually a manifestation of their inner lack of security. They seem to be putting pressure on their parents, but in fact they are expressing their anger towards their closest relatives. People ask for help. \”They will not lose their temper at others, because in his subconscious, only his parents are the closest people, and only his parents can allow him to be unscrupulous and help him heal. But he took off his disguise and spoke without reservation. Although this method of spoiling is not good, it is also sending a message of help to parents: I feel uncomfortable, please help me. Writer Rebus once said: Children lose their temper at you because they want you to walk into them. We should be happy to solve the problem in our hearts. But how many children have sent signals to their parents for help time and time again, only to be met with bone-chilling violence? Children who dare not even lose their temper are the most pitiful. Just imagine you You are a child. You have been wronged and want the people around you to help you, but you are still young and don’t know how to express your feelings to the people around you in an adult way. So you lose your temper, but what you didn’t expect is that the other person is so special. I didn\’t understand you, so I beat you up. How do you feel? What\’s your impression of the other person? Don\’t do to others what you don\’t want others to do to you. Children, like us, can feel that their parents have a bad attitude towards them, and thus leave. Getting further and further away. A friend once shared his life experience: \”I didn\’t have a very good temper when I was a child. I would get angry when others messed with me. But every time I do this, I get scolded. I was especially afraid of my dad. I was very careful when eating. I didn’t dare to say that the food wasn’t delicious, and I didn’t dare to speak loudly in front of him. He became the kind of child who is particularly observant of words and expressions. Then, now that I am 30 years old and not married yet, if my blind date frowns, I feel like he is dissatisfied with me. \” Chen Qiaoen recalled her childhood days in a program and revealed that she did not dare to lose her temper when she was a child because she was afraid of being beaten by her mother. When she talked about her mother, she seemed highly nervous, in a state of psychological stress, and wary She looked back and made sure her mother was not there before she felt relieved. (The frightened look in her eyes could not hide the fear in her heart.) And she also said that because of her childhood memories, she had not dared to speak or make friends for many years. , even a little autistic. At an age when they should be playing around, crying and laughing, they have lost the temper and willfulness that children should have. Looking at the faces of adults, they are deeply afraid that if they are not careful, they will attract dissatisfaction from their parents. Trembling every day. Some psychological studies have pointed out that people who are excessively depressed and lackluster in childhood are more likely to suffer from depression as adults. Parents who are temporarily negligent and beat and scold their children are likely to cause a shadow for the child\’s life. Children lose their temper, The real trick lies here. The history of human development proves: no force can destroy the next generation, except the previous generation. A child losing his temper, indeedIt\’s bad behavior, but it can be taught, but if you scold too much, only distance and psychological shadow will remain. As parents, don\’t always think about \”reforming\” your children, but you should learn to \”sculpt\” them. As early as hundreds of years ago, Wang Yangming said: \”A bad mood is a result of insufficient wisdom.\” We cannot ask children according to adult standards. After all, the books they have read and the roads they have traveled are limited, but as parents , we have the responsibility to let them have the \”wisdom\” to control their emotions by using the methods of \”first being steady, second listening, third being quiet, four not teaching, and five being ruthless\”. \”Steady\” refers to the Buddhist saying that parents should be steady: Angry people are slaves of the heart. If you want your children not to lose their temper, first of all, parents must set a steady example. Whether in daily life or when others are angry with them, they must not be slaves to their emotions. \”Listen\” means that parents should listen carefully and their children will not lose their temper for no reason. Parents should learn to listen carefully and understand the root cause. Get closer to your child. \”Quiet\” means waiting for the child to calm down. The Tao Te Ching says: Quietness is the king of impatience. Jing can overcome the irritability in people and restore their rationality. When your child loses his temper, it won\’t make sense for you to reason with him. Let him finish his temper first, and then give him a quiet period of self-repair and self-reflection after the emotion has passed. \”Not teaching\” means that parents should not rush to preach. Just imagine, you have just calmed down, and there is a person beside you who keeps reasoning. Would you feel comfortable? No, you will think that he is making accusations from a moral high ground, and it will be difficult for you to listen to what he says. If you want to communicate with your child, you must first create common ground between you and him. You can say: \”I was just like you when I was a child. I remember one time because of a toy…\” \”I understand how you feel. I also used to…\” Allow the child to vent, acknowledge the child\’s emotions, let the child feel that you are not on the opposite side of him, and then express your opinions step by step will make it easier for him to listen. \”Be ruthless\” refers to parents\’ excessive desire for their children. Raising children without education is like raising donkeys, and raising daughters without education is like raising pigs. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that humans restrain their desires. Parents must be \”ruthless\” when it comes to matters of principle and cannot give in under any circumstances. Moreover, children should be taught to reflect more from an early age, understand the feelings of others, appropriately restrain their own desires, and not do whatever they want. This also sends a message to children: crying about many things is useless. Wang Yangming said: [Collection of the Authoritative Parenting Book] Classic Book Early Childhood Education and Genius Original PDF \”A person must have a heart for himself before he can restrain himself; only by being able to restrain himself can he succeed.\” People need a heart to examine themselves before they can restrain themselves. Only by restraining one\’s own desires can one achieve oneself. Children are the ferrymen of their parents, and before that, every parent is the guide of their children. I hope that every child who loses his temper can receive guidance from his parents and grow up firmly and peacefully.