Love for children without conditions

The need to be loved is the search for belonging, friendship, and love and sexual intimacy in adulthood. A child\’s heart is like a garden. If the seeds of love are not planted when he is young, and he is not allowed to feel the love and care like sunshine and rain, then darkness may gradually grow in his heart and overgrown weeds may grow. 01 Love without asking for anything in return. A book that has been circulated for more than two thousand years and has been widely printed warns the world: Love is long-lasting and patient, and it is kind. Love does not envy, does not boast, is not arrogant, does not do shameful things, does not seek its own, is not easily angered, does not take into account the wrong done to others, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things; love never fails. Only by understanding love correctly can we love sincerely and be willing to love. We are loving parents because we want to be. Only under the nourishment of sincere love can children have a beautiful mind and a healthy body. \”You listen to mom, I will buy you your favorite toy, otherwise, I won\’t want you anymore.\” \”I\’m in such bad health, I worry about you all the time, and make you angry!\” \”My parents raised you well. It’s not easy, you can’t let us down, please remember to repay us in the future!” Although there are many motivations for blindly giving and destructive parenting, the commonality is: responding to one’s “love” in the name of “love”. needs, while ignoring the other person’s needs for spiritual growth. This kind of \”love\” is not selfless. What is deeply hidden behind \”love\” is the desire of the person who gives \”love\” to control the person who is \”loved\”. Having children is a parent\’s choice, and raising children is a parent\’s responsibility. Giving up something for the sake of their children is also a free choice for parents. Parents easily transfer their responsibility for life to their children, which will cause children to suffer from physical and mental problems under this kind of pressure that should not be borne by them. 02 Love without any conditions. The most typical mantra of some parents is \”I\’m all for your own good\” and use this as an excuse to physically control their children. Some parents lack a correct view of children, family and education, ignore the dominant position of children, have a weak sense of family, and have a tendency to \”only score\”. They only want to increase their children\’s chances of being admitted to a \”good university\” by continuously increasing investment in educational capital. chips. In order to ensure their children\’s learning, some parents do many things for their children that should be done by themselves, resulting in excessive interference, over-protection, and excessive expectations. Many young parents have experienced various pressures such as exam-oriented education, pressure to enter higher education, employment difficulties, and economic transformation. They feel high pressure, difficulty in making money, and high cost of living; at the same time, their room for improvement is gradually blocked, and they feel that their development prospects are confused. They understand and are trapped by their own incompetence, so they accept their imperfections, reconcile with themselves, become \”Buddhist\” and \”ascetic\”, and give up their demands on their children, becoming \”hands-off\” parents. The \”National Family Education Situation Survey Report (2018)\” jointly released by the China Basic Education Quality Monitoring Collaborative Innovation Center of Beijing Normal University, the China Education and Social Development Research Institute of Beijing Normal University, the Children and Family Education Research Center of Beijing Normal University, and the China Education News Family Education Weekly )\” indicates: fourth grade and eighth grade studentsMost students believe that their parents are most concerned about their learning situation (79.8% and 79.9% respectively), which is much higher than their moral character, daily behavioral habits, hobbies or specialties, psychological status, etc. At the same time, fourth-grade and eighth-grade head teachers also believe that parents are most concerned about students’ test scores (88.3%, 90.1%), which is much higher than their concerns about their hobbies or specialty development, psychological conditions and interpersonal interactions. Ziyou in the TV series \”Little Shede\” has been studying hard despite the high expectations of her mother Tian Yulan. After school every day, he originally wanted to play football and raise snails, but his mother stopped him and asked him to complete the homework assigned by the school and complete additional exercises. Every holiday, he has to attend various training classes. Even if the training class is suspended, he will be dragged uphill by his mother to attend tutoring sessions with teachers in remote corners. In the mother\’s view, the more points a child scores in the exam, the more hope he has of entering a prestigious school, and the future will be more secure. Moreover, the child\’s excellent academic performance also means that her mother is good at educating her children, and she can show off to her family and neighbors. She worked hard to educate her children. When she saw the children taking a break, she asked them to memorize words and do test papers. When she saw the children\’s rankings dropped slightly, she scolded them as if they were facing a formidable enemy. She never thought that the child did not want to make her sad, so she endured it silently, feeling overwhelmed until she finally hallucinated, overturning the table and tearing up the test papers in the examination room. In the eyes of the child, \”Mom doesn\’t love me, but me who gets perfect marks in the exam.\” In \”Little Joy\”, there is a line that expresses the anxiety of parents: \”If you can\’t get into the top 100, you can\’t get into a key high school; if you can\’t get into a key high school, you can\’t get into a key university, and your life will be over.\” Jiwa\’s parents I like to \”give blood\” to my children, and my children\’s spare time is fully arranged. In the view of some parents, there is great pressure from social competition and serious involution. Instead of letting their children play and run around wildly and imagine wildly, it is better to let them learn more practical talents, which will provide them with more opportunities for further education and job hunting in the future. After all, as the old saying goes, \”If you have many skills, you will not be overwhelmed, but if you are talented, you will be bold.\” It doesn\’t matter whether the child\’s academic performance is good or not, if he has learned a skill and has strong ability to survive in society, he will be popular wherever he goes in the future. 03 Love, with a degree of relaxation. \”Unconditional love\” is crucial to the growth and development of children, but love needs to set clear boundaries for children\’s behaviors and desires – it must be principled and cannot meet all the requirements of children without principles. Discipline focuses on the education of \”teaching\” rather than the control of \”management\”. The purpose of \”managing\” is to \”teach\”, to teach people how to behave and how to do things. In education, the focus is on \”education\” rather than \”teaching\”. \”Education\” is the purpose of \”teaching\”, and \”teaching\” is the means of \”education\”. \”Teaching\” without \”education\” is no different from taming animals in the circus. Good parents and educators must combine discipline with love. Otherwise, the children will either have their childhood emotions neglected, or they will always have to \”buy, buy, buy,\” or they will behave inappropriately. To truly love children is to guide them to discover their own interests and passions. Only in this way can they find the strength to persevere in training day after day.Only by measuring up can you feel a continuous sense of accomplishment in small progress. Enrolling children in interest classes is not based on the parents\’ \”interests\”, but on the children\’s \”interests\”. You can refer to two standards: first, the child\’s own acceptance and ability to learn; second, whether the child has a close relationship with his parents after education, or at least does not reject it. Otherwise, the former is a torment and the latter is torture.