Love the old man who helps take care of the children

Pick up the children from kindergarten every day. I am often the one who is very cautious, because almost all the grandparents are waiting for their children to come out. Sometimes, when a child comes out, the child immediately hands over his schoolbag. When the teacher sees it, he will call the child\’s name and stop him. Then let the child carry the small schoolbag by himself. But once out of the garden gate. The old man quickly put his schoolbag on his shoulders. I feel sorry for the child and am afraid of crushing the child. Our grandparents love their children so much, taking great care of them and doing their best. Every time I see the kindergarten teacher shaking his head slightly. Because the teacher’s small request of “carrying your own schoolbag” is always broken. At home, the two generations are in constant conflict over the education of their children. You said you should set rules for your children, but the old man said that children will naturally understand when they grow up. You continue to argue, and they say something to you: \”You were like this when you were a kid, aren\’t you very good now!\” \”I\’m not good, so I hope my child is good.\” When you say this, you are tearing apart own scars. You said that the child should not eat too many snacks, but the old man said that the child should be happy and become irritable when he cries. …Many such conflicts are fought overtly and covertly. I received a letter from a mother a few days ago. She is a single mother with a three-year-old daughter who went out to work when the child was one year old. The child has always been taken care of by her grandma. At first, she felt that since she was taking care of the child, she should educate her as she should without getting too involved. As a result, I now find that my child has a particularly irritable temper and is very stubborn, so I always lose my temper and hit my child. Later, I began to realize that it was my problem, but it didn\’t help because the child was not around. She said she couldn\’t blame her parents because it was her own fault and it was not easy for them to raise their children. I just want to know how to educate children raised by grandma. We can understand this mother\’s distress. Because of the pressure, I had to separate from the children and give them to the elderly to take care of. When I feel something is wrong when I am with my child, I try to correct the child\’s behavior. But the result was counterproductive and made the relationship between myself and her children very bad. Children often share behavioral habits with the people they grow up with. So you want to reintegrate on your own terms. How could it be that easy? Especially if you are not prepared at all. Losing temper with children just on a whim. In this way, children cannot adapt, let alone educate. Never leave your children to the elderly. When I used to work, there was a colleague who lived a very cool life. Play games and watch movies during breaks at work. After get off work, I also go to karaoke or go to an Internet cafe to have a date. Every time I see us discussing our children. He said with disdain: \”You are all worrying about it. Why don\’t you just leave the child to the elders? They want to take the child to play, and the child likes to live with them, which is good.\” \”It is better for the child to stay with his parents. .\” \”What\’s so good about it is that a two- or three-year-old child is not sensible and is no different from anyone else. Besides, there is a teacher to take care of him when he goes to school.\” Every time he chatted to death. It\’s just that I don\’t agree with this view. Because the word \”parents\” is more than just a title to me. It is also a kind of responsibility and love. Children come into this world through us, running forWe are here, not the old people. If you feel that full care can save the elderly trouble and worry. But do you know how tired the old people are? No matter how excellent grandparents are, their learning ability and understanding of children\’s education are not as good as their parents. Even if you raise it well, this child is not actually your child. When he stands in front of you, you will feel strange. What are his hobbies? How is your temper? How is the diet? How is your routine? How is the language? How about fine motor skills? How is your physical strength? …You know nothing. Is this child still yours? It\’s hard to say you\’re a real parent if you\’re not raising your own children yourself. You are just a parent who gave birth to a child, not a real parent. So never leave your children to the elderly. It should be about raising children together and loving their children together. If you plan to ask the elderly to help take care of the children, you must understand the elderly. If the child has a problem, he blames the old man, but he fails to provide solutions and fails to communicate well. The result will only chill the old man\’s heart and make the relationship very tense. You know, every aspect of a child’s growth requires a lot of effort. Food, clothing, and daily life must be taken care of with care. Old people often use up all their energy. You want the elderly to learn child psychology alone, understand their children\’s emotions, help them develop good habits, and understand the current educational philosophy. This is really demanding. I remember when my son was more than two years old, my mother also helped me take care of the child. At that time I said not to feed the child and let him eat by himself. My mother refused. She felt that the child ate slowly, the rice was cold, and the food was not good. Moreover, she could not eat enough. For this reason, my son took a few bites of rice by himself in front of me. As soon as I left, I immediately walked to grandma\’s lap and waited with my mouth open for the meal. Once, I was so angry that I took the bowl away. I had a good talk with my mother. \”Why are you feeding him again?\” \”You can feed him at such a young age! You haven\’t seen some children who are still feeding him at the age of seven or eight.\” \”Let him try to eat and learn slowly.\” \”When he grows up, he will be able to feed himself. Eat.\” \”I also know that he will definitely eat by himself when he grows up, but I hope that he will have the opportunity to try it by himself, because children originally like to cook by themselves. If you don\’t believe me, try it. In addition, eating is a small matter, and you need to develop an independent mind. Character is a big thing. Don’t you want him to stay at home and unable to be independent when he grows up?\” She probably understood my intentions. Later, except for special circumstances, I also started to let my son eat by himself. So when my son finished a bowl of rice by himself for the first time, he was proud to share it with everyone. If it’s co-parenting, there’s bound to be a tug of war. What\’s more, the concepts of the two generations are different. Even among parents themselves, there are often arguments and conflicts when raising children. Therefore, we should understand more about the difficulties of the elderly and speak well. Understand the elderly and help them grow. In fact, many of your children\’s problems will also exist if you take care of them yourself. The fault is not with the children, let alone the elderly. In this world, no one has the obligation to help us take care of our children except ourselves. So we are lucky to have old people helping us take care of our children. Please love the old man who helps take care of the children. Let the child\’s psychological attachment to the elderly remain stable and sustainable. Child psychology points out that children’s psychological growth requires a stable family management model.Especially children aged 0-3 will form an attachment to a specific person. So when the elderly start taking care of their children when they are a few months old. Children tend to develop the same love and attachment to her as their mother. Seeing this result, some mothers become worried and anxious. I feel that my child is not close to me, and I want to fight for this attachment. In fact, this is unnecessary worry, and competition will make children feel at a loss. We must strive to provide our children with continuous caregivers and a stable environment for growth. When a child\’s psychology is developing healthily. After getting along with his mother for a long time, he will slowly transfer his attachment to her. At the same time, he buries his love for the old man in his heart, never forgets it, and warms him. If there are elderly people helping to take care of the children, then try to let the children feel two kinds of love. Now we take care of our son by ourselves. But his love for his grandparents has always been in his heart. So on the first weekend after school, we were urged to go to our grandparents’ house. He still wants his grandpa to ride a horse for him and his grandma to dance square dance for him. In fact, he wanted to relive his memories of that time. It was full of love, and he tidied it up bit by bit. At night he said he wanted to sleep with grandpa. I actually fell asleep as soon as I lay down. The next day he said to me, \”Do you know why I sleep with grandpa?\” Because grandpa is my \”horse\” and I want to sleep with my horse. When we develop good behavior habits in our children. Meeting grandpa\’s pampering will not hinder any education. On the contrary, it is the icing on the cake. At home, parents are the main system and bear the main responsibility. And what about the old man? It has a natural psychological foundation in life and careful care. That might as well be used as an auxiliary system. No matter which way you raise your children. Everyone should try to keep their children with their parents. Because the love of parents is irreplaceable. The more time children have with their parents, the better. Even if we can\’t be together, we still have to take action. Look for opportunities to connect with your children. There are many ways nowadays, including WeChat videos and phone calls, which are all very good. Please remember: it is the parent’s responsibility to take care of the child. Everyone else can only help.