Methods and experiences on how to educate children are the most worthwhile investments. 99% of parents ignore them.

\”Behind every child who has the habit of procrastinating, there is always a mother who takes care of everything for him.\” The formation of a child\’s personality is affected by his family environment, especially his parents\’ education and upbringing methods. Because children are immature, it is particularly important to provide them with guidance. Children\’s education and growth require certain attention and guidance from adults. What troubles parents the most is that even if they are very careful, their children\’s growth is still not ideal. Why? The biggest reason is our ignorance about children\’s education. The famous Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler gave specific theories and methods in \”Children\’s Personality Education\”, which is worth reading carefully by parents. He is a pioneer of humanistic psychology, the founder of individual psychology, and a certified senior instructor of the American Positive Discipline Association. He has been engaged in positive discipline training for more than 30 years and has more than 20 years of experience in school teaching. He has taught students from primary school to high school, special education Children, high-risk children…, his individual psychology has influenced many people. \”Children\’s Personality Education\” is a world famous book on education. The author studies children\’s education issues from the perspective of individual psychology, including \”unity of personality\”, \”feeling of inferiority\”, \”sense of superiority\” and \”social emotions\”. A keyword used throughout to interpret the psychology behind children\’s behavior. If we follow the author\’s theory to understand children\’s psychological processes, we will have a profound understanding of how to educate excellent children. Don’t always pay attention to children’s shortcomings. In our real life, we often see this phenomenon: a child who loves to dawdle will be constantly reminded by his parents to speed up. Parents whose children have poor academic performance will always worry about their children’s problems. Study and worry. When we pay attention to a child\’s behavior, we tend to pay more attention to its shortcomings. If our children make a mistake many times, we will unconsciously magnify the problem, and even view the child with prejudice, and use more severe methods to punish the child\’s wrong behavior. For example, if a child procrastinates while eating many times, parents will say: \”My child doesn\’t like to eat and has bad eating habits\” and will focus on this. If the child fails to meet the parents\’ requirements, the parents will criticize , and even give punishment. In fact, rather than punishing, we should explore the root causes behind children\’s repeated mistakes. The exaggerated focus on shortcomings is just like when we listen to music, we always overestimate the importance of a single new note, isolating it from the entire melody, rather than looking at it from the entire music. Every behavior of a child expresses its entire life and personality. The development of children\’s personality unity is the coordination and unification of behaviors and behavioral expressions into a single pattern, which begins in children\’s early years. And this reality is usually ignored by most people. Parents should give correct guidance to their children\’s pursuit of superiority. The author told the case of a 14-year-old boy. When asked about his own childhood impressions, the boy recalled that he realized that he could not whistle when he was 6 years old. He was in great pain. But one day when he walked out of his house, he suddenly whistled successfully, and he felt veryHe was so amazed that he believed it was God possessing him and making him whistle. This case clearly illustrates a psychological fact: people\’s unremitting striving for superiority and success, and this striving is naturally directly related to feelings of inferiority. This psychology is reflected in reality, and there will be two situations, \”superiority complex\” and \”inferiority complex.\” Some children are eager to pursue excellence, but many times they turn their needs to others\’ approval so that they can express themselves, hoping that they will be particularly eye-catching and please others with \”extraordinary\” actions. If a child wants others to affirm him everywhere, it is not because he thinks he is not good, but because he does not want to be ordinary. The stronger children\’s desire to work hard, the higher they set goals for themselves and seek evidence that they have this higher ability. But these abilities are often beyond the scope of human capabilities, so he sketched out a blueprint similar to God, imagining that he was omnipotent. As parents, we must learn to guide our children and tell them: \”You don\’t need to \’become special\’ to be different, you are unique.\” And if we raise these children in a gentle, caring, and understanding way, we are always surprised to find that they will display intelligence and abilities that we were not aware of. Although every parent understands that the environment has an important impact on children\’s growth, most parents have a wrong interpretation of the dependence of children\’s development on the environment, especially for families with many children. In fact, in the same family, different children live in different family environments. Parents should study each child\’s status in the family and the child\’s personality characteristics, and cannot use the same rules to educate different children in a formulaic manner. Especially when children appear in an unsatisfactory state, it is best to remember that children must never be treated roughly or blindly. On the contrary, parents should always encourage them and try to explain to them the meaning of real life, so that in their There will no longer be a huge gap between your self-fantasy and the real world. Treat children\’s inferiority complex correctly. If parents do not correctly treat and guide their children\’s superiority complex, this may happen. Some children will have physical problems. In fact, this is a manifestation of their inferiority complex. Especially when a child has great difficulties in striving for advantage, or when the psychological reaction to organ inferiority is severe enough to be unbearable, a child will have a sense of inferiority. The author gave an example of a 14-year-old child. He had received much attention from his family since he was a child. As he grew older, he found that the attention he received decreased, so he developed a new trick, which was stuttering. Because he found that through stuttering, he could regain the attention that had disappeared, and the same was true in school. Because of his stutter, he found that his teachers spent a lot of time on him. In fact, stuttering is an act of inferiority in which he wants to regain his sense of superiority. The inferiority complex at this time is an abnormal and excessive complex, which inevitably prompts people to seek easily obtained compensation and superficial satisfaction. At the same time, this excessive sense of inferiority magnifies difficulties and makes people retreat when faced with difficulties, thus becoming a road to success.stumbling block. Learning to teach children to treat inferiority correctly is a very important lesson, because a person\’s different attitudes towards inferiority will determine the joy and sorrow, success and failure of his life. How to guide children\’s inferiority state? First they must increase their courage and make them believe in their own strength and abilities. Secondly, we must establish friendly relationships with them in a compassionate manner. Again, use this friendly relationship to encourage children so that they have confidence in their own mental and physical strength. They believe that as long as they are diligent, perseverant, courageous to practice and full of courage, only in this way can they continue to make progress and achievements. In the process of children\’s education, the biggest mistake is that parents or educators predict a malicious outcome for lost children. Never believe that humiliating or ridiculing a child can influence him to actually improve his behavior. Focusing on cultivating children\’s social emotions Adler believed that human beings must rely on the collective to achieve achievements to a certain extent. Therefore, we must pay attention to cultivating children\’s social emotions during their growth. It should be noted that a child\’s life style is usually formed when he is four or five years old. During this time, parents must develop their children\’s social emotions and the flexibility necessary to adapt to society. By the time he is five years old, his attitude toward his life circumstances is usually well-formed and fixed, and he remains in much the same attitude and direction for the rest of his life. His perception of the external world remains unchanged, and he will be trapped within the scope of his own perception and unable to extricate himself, constantly repeating his original psychological mechanism and the behaviors caused by this psychological mechanism. At this time, social emotions are limited to the individual\’s mental horizon. ◎Carefully observe your child\’s behavior when he enters school. A good way to understand your child\’s social emotions is to carefully observe his behavior when he enters school. Just after entering school, the child faced his earliest and most severe test. The ideal school should be an intermediary between family and the wider real world. It not only provides book knowledge, but also should be a place where the knowledge of life and the art of living are taught. If parents do not teach their children how to interact with others, then the children will feel lonely and isolated when they enter school. They are therefore seen as weird children. In this way, the child feels isolated and helpless from the beginning, and this state will become more and more severe over time. Their growth is thus suppressed, and they become children with behavioral problems. Parents usually blame the school for this situation. In fact, the school only causes potential problems in family education. What parents need to do is to let their children practice how to deal with others and cultivate their children\’s ability to interact friendly with others. When children reach the age of three, they must be placed to play with other children so that they are not afraid of strangers. Otherwise, the child will become awkward and blushing when interacting with others in the future, be extremely sensitive to every move he makes, and develop a hostile attitude towards others. This characteristic is usually found in spoiled children who are always trying to \”exclude\” others. ◎Avoid over-pampering and caring for everyoneAny new environment can be viewed as a test of a child\’s readiness. \”The child does not develop neat and clean habits\” – this means that the mother often does things for him. \”He was always shy\” – this means that the child is very attached to his family. He will still have the feeling of being overly pampered or protected by his parents. This makes it more difficult for children to cope with the new environment. But parents are accustomed to thinking that their children are \”young and ignorant\” and \”this is too dangerous, don\’t do it.\” They ask their children about everything in detail and refuse to let their children do anything. “You should do this, you shouldn’t do that” or “This won’t work, that will work.” In the name of loving children, excessive interference in children\’s lives and treating children as weak can easily stifle children\’s thinking development and ability to act. If parents pay attention to correcting these characteristics early on, their children can avoid a lot of trouble when they grow up. If a child is well nurtured during the first three or four years—playing with other children and participating in group activities—he will not become shy and self-centered. Psychosis and neurosis occur only in children who are left alone – children who are uninterested in and unable to cooperate with others. Therefore, when educating children, parents only need to watch over them, actively and intimately communicate with their children, and do not interfere excessively with their children\’s behavior. This way, children can develop the ability to be independent as they grow, and can also coexist harmoniously with society. Don’t reprimand and beat your children excessively. The author told an example. Some children made mistakes in school or did not do well in exams. When parents know their children’s performance in school or see their children’s academic report cards, they often criticize them. Even punishment. For children, if they have been criticized by teachers at school and are punished severely by their parents when they return home, children will easily develop rebellious psychology under the double punishment. They will not put forward bad report cards or poor performance at school. Notifying parents of good performance may lead to truancy, forging parents\’ signatures on report cards, etc. As parents, when we are dissatisfied with a child\’s behavior and want to try to reshape a child\’s life model, we must treat the matter with the most caution, and at the same time, we must ensure that the matter has a correct and good outcome. Blindly scolding will only make the child lose courage and get hurt. It may have temporary effects, but it cannot fundamentally solve the problem. Instead, it will make the child go his own way more and more, becoming the best way to train for bad habits. Especially when a child is criticized at school and when he gets home, Adler believes it is best not to beat the child. It would be a very sad thing for a child to return home after a teacher\’s corrective education, only to find that his parents\’ whipping education is also waiting for them. Children are often punished twice for the same mistake, and we believe that one punishment is enough. Adler believed that \”the best way to educate children is to let them learn through experience.\” Experience can awaken the sleeping mind. Only what you experience can become your own, and ultimately become a complete change in your attitude towards life. In modern society, many parents hope to give their children the best education.In fact, the best education is not to give children abundant material conditions or to send them to expensive schools, but to give children a complete personality and rich inner world. For parents, learn to understand their children\’s psychology and understand that experience is actually the best education. They should spend time accompanying and guiding their children to experience life. Happiness itself is not how much you get, but how much you feel. Let your child feel the power of spirit, not only to let your child know that you care and love him, but also that you truly understand him, know his difficulties, understand his hopes and dreams, encourage him to help him, and let the child know that people have dignity and strength. , can break through all difficulties in front of them, and gain a perfect personality experience in mutual care.