Mom and Dad, who does your anxiety ultimately hurt?

It was almost time to get off work and I went downstairs to get the mail. Sister Yu from the property management department was climbing on the table to write, and her son was sitting quietly beside her. \”Sister Yu, what are you writing about? You are so serious! Is Shuoshuo out of school?\” \”My son\’s test questions! I copied them and asked him to do them again! Alas, he was beaten by his father again last night!\” \”Ah, why? \”It\’s not because of studying. I didn\’t do well in the exam this time… Well, it\’s not the first time I got beaten!\” I turned to look at the timid boy in surprise. He lowered his head and avoided my gaze. We have met her husband, who is in his early forties, very fashionable, loves to wear hip-hop clothes, always smiles, and can make a few jokes with everyone. I didn\’t expect him to be so strict with his children at home. \”His father is also worried. We didn\’t study well back then and didn\’t go to college. Our children can\’t be like us anymore!\” Sister Yu said while speeding up the copying of questions. It goes without saying that language, conversation, and dress are just external appearances. Who can do everything without scruples or cares? They are just an ordinary pair of parents… The service industry is not easy to work in, let alone both of them being ordinary workers. Behind the seemingly cheerful appearance, there is too much sadness, humility and helplessness hidden. After passing the end of thirty and reaching the beginning of forty, most of life has been set. The possibility of encountering a miracle is unlikely. What you missed has been missed. I don’t have much money, I don’t have a big house, I am settled in the ordinary world, I am used to the fireworks and the secular world, I don’t have many dreams for myself anymore, I live a happy life, just live it, it’s not a big deal. Only children cannot do this. This is their hope. They are too afraid to see their children accomplish nothing and do nothing like themselves, so they are even more strict than other parents because they have no ability to help them more. They asked him to work hard and at least be better than them. Without saying more, I deeply felt his anxiety, the tension, anxiety, worry, and panic, mixed with the complex emotions of being helpless and hating that iron cannot become steel… However, understanding is understanding, and through \”fighting\” \”Child\”, can he really achieve what he wants? I was a little worried when I saw Shuoshuo becoming less talkative, dull, and even more timid. When every parent first has a child, their thoughts are very simple: they want nothing more than health and happiness. However, as the child grows up, the requirements for him unconsciously increase: I hope he is healthy and smart, I hope he is happy and sensible, I hope he reads textbooks well, I hope he develops his talents, and he must not fall behind. He\’d better be outstanding… Every time he picks up his children from school and waits in line, there will be countless flyers stretched out in front of him: Pinyin, English, arithmetic, dance, art, thinking training… Only parents can\’t think of it, and there are no training institutions. It can\’t be done. Parents were not idle either. While waiting, they gathered together in groups of two or three to learn from each other: what interest classes did you choose for your children, what training classes did I let my children attend, which teacher was popular with my children, and which institution had advanced educational concepts? , I wish I could carry a small notebook with me to record it at any time… Some parents even fully schedule their children\’s holidays, and even post the class schedule on their WeChat Moments, attracting attention.Be proud of it. I don’t know, where have all those parents who were calm, kind, and loving like saints gone? Everywhere you look, there are ordinary parents who are full of anxiety and hope that their children will succeed. I don’t know when, the original intention of being unadulterated gradually changed, and our mentality became unstable and unstable: the children of relatives were generous and polite, and took the initiative to say hello to everyone they met, and even performed from time to time. program, and my child, who is introverted and timid, always looks reluctant to speak in front of others; my colleague’s child obediently goes home to do his homework after school, and always comes first in the exam and gets the first place in the exam. Both of them are uncomfortable, but my child seems to have never grown up. He fell twenty places behind in the monthly exam, but he still eats and drinks without any problems. The neighbor\’s child has a sense of music and is willing to endure hardships. He plays the piano. I play the piano fluently and have won numerous prizes in domestic competitions, but my child can’t even recognize the staff, falls asleep during lectures, and sings out of tune;… I suddenly discovered that “other people’s children” are everywhere, with all kinds of advantages. , but my children are not good at many things. As a result, all kinds of anxieties, like snakes spitting out letters, follow them like a shadow and touch the hearts of parents. But, what is the purpose of living? Why do we want children? I admire a life of hard work and firmly believe that everyone should live the life they want through personal struggle. Appropriate pressure is also a necessity in life, so that you can always stay clear and self-aware in this complicated world. I advocate positive education and believe that parents can properly cultivate their children\’s sense of competition and ability to withstand stress, so that they understand that there are mountains outside the world, and there is no end to the climb. The stronger the ability, the easier it is to adapt to the future society. However, as a parent, I reject anxiety caused by stress, especially excessive anxiety caused by excessive assumptions, such as: instilling test-oriented content into children too early, paying too much attention to scores and rankings, and following others\’ opinions. What others learn is not your own. Also immediately follow the trend to learn, and so on. We are used to living in all kinds of comparisons, and we are also used to all kinds of anxiety caused by comparison. Sometimes, we don’t realize that this kind of anxiety has no meaning except the harm it brings to our children. After all, people are different. Whether they are flying in the clouds or walking through the mud is just a different perspective. If you change the angle, the results may be different. When raising children, one must take a long-term view. Current grades, scores and some appearances do not represent everything about the child. Instead of rushing to let kindergarten children learn Pinyin, it is better to let them recite some poems and songs earlier, and use the best memory of childhood to store up some Chinese culture and literary heritage. Don\’t wait until it is used, because it is too late. ; Instead of forcing your child to take part in some specialties that he doesn’t like or is good at, it is better to spend time with him to get in touch with nature, do his favorite outdoor sports, exercise his physical strength and limb flexibility, and prepare him for future work and study. Lay a good foundation; instead of getting angry and scolding him for not studying hard and not understanding his parents\’ efforts, it is better to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him, understand her troubles, his confusion, and his inability to do what he wants, and start from the source of the problem, which may be more effective.Doubling the effort, and receiving unexpected results;… In fact, life is so long, and it is not a bad luck not to have led the initial journey. Just do what you need to do carefully and it will be ok. Excessive anxiety will only harm our children and ourselves. Things are changing, let nature take its course, everything exists for its own reason. I believe that our children will bloom with beautiful colors at the right moment. As parents, we just need to smile and wait for the flowers to bloom.