Mom belittles dad\’s influence on children

A few days ago, a good friend came to me asking for help. Because she needs to go on a business trip for a week recently, her father is still at home to take care of her, but her 7-year-old son Teng Teng refuses to let his mother leave. My friend had no choice but to entrust me to enlighten this little guy. After my patient questioning, Teng Teng finally told the truth: \”If mom is not at home, I will be starved to death by dad!\” The little guy cried, with fear written all over his face. At first, I didn\’t quite understand where this panic came from. But as the image of my friend belittling the child\’s father in front of Teng Teng came to mind, I suddenly realized it. It turns out that Tengteng’s father is busy with work and often leaves early and comes home late. Raising children and household chores are basically all done by one friend. As time goes by, my friends will inevitably feel resentful, and they can\’t help but criticize and complain about the child\’s father in front of his son. \”Your dad can\’t even wash the dishes and has no ability to survive at all.\” \”Your dad can even burn the rice. If you follow him, you will starve to death sooner or later.\” \”Your dad is worse than a dog, and a dog still knows home. !\” Gradually, in Tengteng\’s heart, his father was an incompetent and useless person, so this time he would not let his mother leave him even to death. I felt sad inside. Perhaps for good friends, belittling their husbands is just a way to vent their tiredness. But for a child, this derogatory sentence may become the main culprit in ruining his life. Behind the belittling of fathers lies the unbearable grievances of mothers. If you ask, what is the biggest common topic when a group of mothers get together? I believe every mother’s answer is the same: sharing parenting and complaining about her husband. I won’t talk about shared parenting, but why do you complain about your husband? This starts with last year’s “Current Situation of Family Education in China”. This report shows that less than 20% of families have father-led education, and 60.7% of children lack parental education; the data also shows that 22.4% of children in my country do not see their fathers for a week. This is proper \”widowed parenting.\” Reminds me of the plot in the Korean drama \”The Confession of the Couple\”: Ma Zhenzhu, played by Jang Nara, lives a \”widowed\” life after marriage, facing all the problems of childcare alone. When she had a stomachache and wanted to go to the toilet, the child screamed at the door for her mother. She had no choice but to hold the child to the toilet. While she was devouring her meal, the sleeping child suddenly woke up, and she had to hold her. She coaxes and eats the child while raising her; when the child is sick, her husband stays out at night, so she has to take a taxi to the hospital alone with the child in her arms… Many netizens said that they seemed to see themselves in the same chaos. The hardships of childcare and the tedious housework all fall on the person called \”Mom\”, and they accumulate into grievances. I had a good classmate in college who called her mother a \”hateful woman\”. Because in her impression, her mother never stopped complaining and belittling her father. She doesn’t do housework, doesn’t care about the children, and is the boss… “When I was little, my mother complained about my father the most. I don’t understand why she complained so much.” But some time ago, she chatted with me again, and she said that she finally understood. I understand my mother’s grievances and pains back then. It turns out that she also lived a life of \”widowed parenting\” after marriage: \”I changed every diaper.\” \”Every time the child had a fever, I stayed up all night to take care of him.\” Therefore, she alsoI often can\’t hold back my inner grievances and complain about my husband\’s faults in front of my children. When an avalanche occurs, no snowflake is innocent. Similarly, no father is innocent when a mother becomes a \”vindictive woman\”. Behind every disparagement her mother made about her father, there was actually a grievance she couldn\’t swallow. The father\’s image determines the future direction of the child. A mother\’s disparagement of her father is indeed justified, but this does not become the reason for wantonly scolding her father in front of her children. You must know that every disparagement the mother says about the child\’s father now may be retributive on the child in the future. I once saw a topic on Zhihu: \”What is it like to have the parent-child relationship destroyed by the relationship between husband and wife?\” A netizen shared her sad first half of life. When I was a child, my parents had a bad relationship. My father often came home hungover, and my mother naturally complained. Netizens believed that the father was not good to the mother, and even thought that men all over the world are the same. Therefore, throughout adolescence, she was unwilling to associate with the opposite sex. The boys in the class thought she was pretending to be noble, so they teamed up to tease her: hiding her schoolbag, throwing away her textbooks, tearing up her exam papers… Netizens once wanted to commit suicide by jumping off a building. After graduating from college, she finally fell in love and got married, but she never had confidence in her partner. Ultimately, this lack of trust ended in divorce. \”My mother\’s scolding of my father seemed to have become a curse that happened to me.\” It is true. The famous psychologist Gerdi said: \”The presence of a father is a special existence and has special power in the cultivation of children.\” But if the mother often criticizes the father in front of the child, the child will lose a sense of security from the bottom of his heart. How can a child who has no sense of security talk about a bright future? On the contrary, if the mother always maintains the image of the father in front of the children, then the children will regard the father as a role model. Obama, the first black president of the United States, only met his father once. His father is from Kenya. He was married at the time and met Obama\’s mother in Hawaii and married her using his U.S. citizenship. But when my mother was pregnant with Obama, my father resolutely returned to Kenya. Although his father was absent from Obama\’s growth, Obama wrote affectionately in \”My Father\’s Dream\”: \”Although he rarely appears in my life, his perseverance always affects me and gives me Support and teach me to grow.\” All this is due to his mother. It turns out that over the years, instead of complaining about his father in front of Obama, my mother often praised his father: \”Your father is an extremely smart and tenacious man!\” \”Your father\’s family is very big, and he is considered a prince. !\” Although I have only seen my father once in my life, in my mother\’s description, my father\’s image has become increasingly tall and strong, which has become a source of strength in Obama\’s heart, allowing him to dare to fight for his dreams in the future. It turns out that the image of the father will really determine the future direction of the child. The belittled father\’s image will sooner or later become the child\’s retribution, causing him to feel inferior and lose his way; while the father\’s image that is maintained will become the child\’s future armor, allowing him to be brave and strong at all times. A mother’s best practice is to protect her father’s image. Since she protects her father’s image well in front of her children,Image is crucial, so what exactly should mothers do? The following three methods are worth learning from: 1. When the father does a good job, the mother praises Guo Tao\’s wife Li Ran. In a program, she praised Guo Tao for being a good father. Li Ran said proudly: Guo Tao would accompany his son Shitou to do his homework and cook for his wife… In fact, as a well-known actor, Guo Tao is very busy at work and rarely spends time at home. But during the rare moments when he accompanied his son to do homework, Li Ran would always say: \”Son, your dad is so busy that he still takes time to do homework with you!\” And when Guo Tao made a simple egg fried rice for his family, Li Ran would also praise: \”Son, your dad can not only make money, but also cook!\” It was in his mother\’s praise of his father that Shitou slowly began to admire his father and follow his father\’s example in everything. Try to get closer to dad. There is a saying that goes well: \”A good husband is made through training, and a good father is made through praise.\” When the father does something well, such as tutoring the children with homework, or helping with housework, the mother remembers to Praise vigorously. This will not only let the children understand how good their father is, but also encourage the husband to do better in the future. 2. When the father forgets to do something or makes a mistake, the mother should promptly explain that many fathers are really busy making money to support the family and cannot always accompany their children to grow up; or they promise their children things but fail to fulfill their promises in time. At this time, what the mother needs to do is not to accompany the child to blame the father, but to explain to the child in time. When dad is always away from home, mother can tell her child: \”Dad is so busy because he loves us very much and wants to give us a better life.\” When dad fails to fulfill his promise to his child, mother can comfort his child. : \”It\’s Dad\’s fault. Dad is also very guilty. He will definitely make it up to you.\” Then remember to urge Dad to fulfill his promise. The family is the soil where children grow up. Only when the family is harmonious will the soil be rich in nutrients. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Family harmony requires the mother\’s efforts the most. She must not only work hard to maintain the parent-child relationship, but also work hard to protect the father\’s image in the children\’s hearts. A family whose children adore their father must not be too bad. 3. When the father fails to do something, the mother should avoid complaining. If the child\’s father really does not do anything, as mothers, we should not complain and accuse wantonly in front of the child. On the contrary, we can try to teach our children a lesson and draw some life lessons from it. When my father was a child, my father often stayed up late at night and gambled all night long. He had a lot of bad habits. But his mother never scolded his father in front of him. Instead, she would ask him: \”What kind of father do you think is a good father?\” Fa has been thinking about this question since he was a child, and came to the answer: both You can make money to support your family, and you can spend time with your wife and children. Later, he put this principle into practice on himself and became the most responsible father among all the people I know. Some people say: Life is like a coin, you can choose heads or tails. When a father fails to act, the mother does not have to stop at the level of blame and grievance. Instead, she can use him as a negative teaching material so that the children can learn from it.As a warning. A mother’s mouth hides her child’s future. Therefore, please stop belittling your father in front of your children, but try your best to protect your father\’s image. You must know that children who admire their father can use their dreams as horses to gallop far away in the future; while children who despise their father can only shrink back and stand still. Click \”Like\”, I hope every great mother can complain less and understand more; belittle less and praise more; so that our children can grow up happily in love.