Mom, did I pay for the phone bill?

Diandian, who is in middle school, is a cheerful and generous little girl with a very sweet mouth. She is really loved by everyone. However, some time ago, many of Diandian\’s behaviors regressed. She became more and more clinging to her mother. She already slept alone and asked her mother to sleep with her. If her mother disagreed, she would keep crying. One time I talked in my sleep in the middle of the night and cried loudly for my mother. Mom patted and coaxed her a few times, and Diandian opened her eyes and saw her mother and held her tightly. Diandian\’s mother was very worried. She didn\’t know what happened, and she couldn\’t figure out the reason even if she asked her child. One day, Diandian asked her mother: \”Will you send me back to the garbage dump?\” Her mother was shocked and didn\’t understand what her child meant. After asking for a long time, she learned that someone had played a bad joke on Diandian. Not long ago, Diandian\’s mother\’s company had a dinner party, and she took Diandian there. The single female colleague Xiao Ding liked Diandian very much and played with her for a long time. Unexpectedly, Xiao Ding and Diandian made a joke, saying that Diandian was picked up by her mother from the garbage station. The child didn\’t believe it at first, but Xiao Ding spoke vividly and described many details: Dian Dian\’s mother passed by the garbage station after work and heard a baby crying. When she saw it, she saw a baby wrapped in a pink blanket lying next to the garbage can. Oh my God. It was cold, so he took off his coat, wrapped the baby up and took him home. He also called Xiao Ding and asked her to help buy milk powder and diapers… In order to increase credibility, Xiao Ding even described the weather at the time and the condition of the baby\’s quilt. The details such as the patterns, plus her personal participation, cannot help but make the children believe it. Diandian even concluded by herself: So you have known me since then? After Diandian\’s mother learned what happened, she almost cried without tears. No matter how much you try to assure your child that she is your biological child and not picked up, your child will still be suspicious of her. I gave Diandian’s mother two suggestions: 1. Describe your pregnancy and childbirth process, time, place, status, etc. intentionally or unintentionally. The more details the better. If necessary, you can show the child her birth certificate and read the words written on it. 2. To untie the bell, the person who tied the bell must be let Xiao Ding explain. Later, with the joint efforts of her mother and Xiao Ding, Diandian finally believed that the so-called \”picked up\” was just a joke. In life, there are always many adults who treat children as \”toys\” to tease and play with. They may really just be joking to let themselves and their friends present have fun, and there is no great malice. But they do not treat the child as an equal person. In their eyes, the child\’s joy, anger, sorrow, and joy are not important, they are all materials that can be used for fun. Therefore, they often say \”poisonous\” words in their mouths, which have a profound impact on children. As parents, we must protect our children from toxins. \”You picked it up/gave it to me by charging my phone bill.\” This is what Diandian heard. This is also the most common saying used by many adults to tease children. There are two deepest and most fundamental ties in a person\’s life, which we can call the place of origin and the place of destination. Origin refers to parents: where do I come from and who are my parents. The place to go refers to the children. This is a continuation of life. One day I left, but my children are still there. Everyone who is separated from their biological parents will try their best to find their parents. If they cannot find them, they will not be able to feel at ease throughout their lives. EveryAnyone who has lost a child will try his best to find the child. If he cannot find the child, he will not be able to rest in peace until his death. Imagine how you would feel if a doctor told you that your baby was held incorrectly at birth. This way you may be able to understand how your child feels when they hear the words \”You were picked up.\” The blood relationship between parents and children is eternal, unique and irreplaceable in the world. This is why children are convinced that we will love them forever. If the child is picked up, then the blood relationship is gone, and the child will worry that our love for him will not last, and we may even not want him. This will make the child seriously insecure. \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore.\” When I was a child, I lived in a rural area. There was an adult in the village who was very annoying. He always liked to make children cry and then laugh out loud himself. What I remember most is that he often said to me, \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore.\” Sometimes my mother goes to work in the fields and hasn\’t come back in the evening, so I sit at the door of my house and look forward to it. At this time, whenever this adult passes by my door, he will definitely tell me: \”Your mother is not coming back, she doesn\’t want you anymore.\” Although I didn\’t quite believe what he said, I still felt a little uneasy. I was already at a loss because my mother came home late, and I was almost in a state of despair. Although my mother often told me to ignore that uncle, the uneasy feeling was still fresh in my mind even after decades. Although the sentence \”Mom doesn\’t want you anymore\” will soon be denied by the facts, its hidden meaning is: Mom may abandon me. Being abandoned is a fundamental and complete denial of a person, and neither a child nor an adult can accept it. Therefore, the sentence \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore\” is extremely destructive to a child\’s self-confidence and sense of security. \”After you have a younger brother, your mother won\’t love you anymore.\” One of the most troublesome problems for mothers of second children is that the eldest child always complains about their parents\’ favoritism. The so-called balancing of a bowl of water is easier said than done. The two children have different ages and personalities, just like a bowl with different heights, depths, and irregular shapes, which cannot be easily held flat. If no one says to the eldest brother, \”Your mother doesn\’t love you anymore after you have a younger brother\”, the eldest son may have a vague feeling that after having the second child, his parents\’ love and companionship for him are not as much as before, but he doesn\’t I will try to rely on this aspect in everything. Once someone gives him this hint, from then on, whenever there is a difference between the eldest child and the second child, the child will attribute it to parental favoritism. The sentence \”If you have a younger brother, your mother will no longer love you\” is a poisonous navigator that leads the child in the wrong direction. \”Who do you love more, dad or mom?\” It is common for adults to tease children: \”Who do you love more, dad or mom?\” Whenever this happens, I want to slap the face of this person who is causing discord. Under normal circumstances, children will not think about who is better, who is more important, or who do I love more, just like we don\’t think about \”which is more important, the left eye or the right eye?\” It\’s so stupid. The problem. \”Who do you love more, Dad or Mom?\” or \”Who do you choose, Dad or Mom?\” The subtext of this sentence is: Dad and Mom may not have both, and you must choose one and give up the other. How evil is thisWhat a poisonous problem! Maybe we should ask the person who said this: \”Which one do you want, the left leg or the right leg?\” Then he can probably understand the child\’s mood. \”If you cry again, the police will arrest you.\” This sentence is a favorite weapon of many parents, and it can often have immediate results. Similar threats include: If you don\’t obey/don\’t eat/don\’t sleep…the police/big bad wolf/tiger…will arrest you. Threats about tigers and big bad wolves will make children feel insecure. Threats about police arresting you not only affect children\’s sense of security, but most importantly, they imply that police officers are just like big bad wolves. The existence of terror. So, if the child is in danger in the future, how dare he go to the police for help? Some parents will tell their children: If you don’t obey again, I will ask the doctor to give you an injection/send you to kindergarten. This is to teach children: doctors/teachers are scary, and giving injections/going to kindergarten is a punitive act. So in the future, if your child becomes sick and refuses injections hysterically, or if he or she goes to kindergarten and cries non-stop, who can you blame? In the process of parenting, all methods that provide immediate results may be accompanied by huge side effects. How can there be so many shortcuts in the world? \”Why are you so stupid?\” This sentence used to be the mantra of Nuo Xi\’s father. When Xiao Xi was in the first or second grade, he would ask him about his homework. He would say this sentence every few times when he explained it, which made the child always emotional. I was so depressed that I refused his guidance directly. Every time I hear him say this, I want to slap him twice. Later, after a strong confrontation between me and my child, he finally changed this poisonous mantra. The so-called speaker is unintentional and the listener is intentional. This may be the case. If you say it a few times, the child will label himself: I am very stupid! \”You are the elder sister, you must take care of your younger sister.\” As the eldest child in my family, this sentence stayed with me throughout my childhood. Every time I have a conflict or fight with my younger siblings, adults will tell me: \”You are bigger, so you have to give in to your younger siblings.\” Fortunately, every big brother and sister came here like this at that time, otherwise I would have been mentally distorted. This sentence will have a very bad impact on both the boss and the second child. As a result, the boss will be psychologically unbalanced: regardless of reason or emotion, winning or losing will only be determined by size. This relationship will not change throughout his life, and the child will feel more and more partial to his parents. The second child will become arrogant and unreasonable because of this: I am the youngest, you have to let me, and the whole family has to let me. When getting along with children, he will also habitually ask others to let him go. It is not enough for us not to say the above \”poisonous\” words ourselves, we must also try to reduce the number of others saying them. If someone teases my child like this, I will tell him directly: Don\’t tell your child that, the child will take it seriously. If the other person is very ignorant and continues to tease, I will tell the child: He is joking. Some adults like to tease children deliberately, and we will not play with them. For the sake of my children, I am not afraid of offending anyone! What\’s more, he offended me first!