Mom, I can only save you in this way

Believe it or not, children are sometimes driven by a special power to do something unconsciously to save their parents? First, let’s take a look at what “family system sorting” is. Family system sorting is a new family therapy method in the field of psychological counseling and psychotherapy. It was developed by the German psychotherapy master Bert Hellinger after 30 years of research. Get up. Explore the root causes of problems through phenomenology and present the influencing factors hidden behind reality. It is the natural law of life. A few years ago I was in a family sequencing workshop and there was a mom who was very confused. She told me that she had twin children, one boy and one girl, who were about three years old. No matter whether she goes to work or goes out every day, as long as she leaves her child, this boy will have a fever, and it will be very high. Every time I have a fever, the temperature is close to 40 degrees, or even exceeds 40 degrees, which makes my family very worried. So she was always worried every time she went out, because not long after, her mother-in-law basically called her and told her to go home quickly. The child had a fever, and was now in the hospital, being given a sling bottle, receiving first aid, and other such incidents. If this incident happened once or twice, the parent would think it was an accident. But she found that nine times out of ten, when she went out, the child would have a fever, and then her mother-in-law would call her. Over time, she also formed an inertia. She found that after she went back and stayed with her child for a while, the child\’s fever would always come down. However, this left her unable to get away, do what she wanted to do, or even work. This phenomenon had been going on for about half a year before I came to the workshop. In addition to her, the mother-in-law and father-in-law at home also take good care of the child. Whenever the child has a fever, they will send the child to the best local hospital as soon as possible. Because the relationship at home was relatively good, they continued to use this method of coping for half a year, and the fever was relieved every time, but the signs did not change. So here I want to use this case to tell you. This family did not try hard to deal with their child\’s fever. As soon as the child shows signs of fever, he immediately goes to the best doctor and the best hospital and sends him there without any hesitation. They are working hard on this without any hesitation, and they work very hard. The method they took was to go to the hospital and get a sling bottle and intravenous drip to reduce the fever. Here we see this family working very hard to do this for these two children, but this thing does not disappear, but continues to happen. What does this show? Maybe the direction they are working towards is not necessarily correct. Finally, after half a year, the mother realized something, so she came to the workshop. She suspected that the two children might have encountered some psychological confusion or pressure, even though they were only three years old. In her five-minute family sorting case, I can clearly see that this mother cannot help herself when facing her own mother. Seeing her mother, she couldn\’t help but burst into tears. She couldn\’t even stand still. She cried deeply on her mother\’s shoulder, taking that as aThe person who represented her mother at that time had her clothes wet from crying. From this incident, I can see that this child is very entangled with his mother\’s fate. In other words, when she sees her mother, she always thinks that her mother must be very unfortunate in her life. Then she had a deep desire to help her mother take on these things and face them. She loved her mother very much. Later, after sorting through this case, I asked her, do you have a strong tendency to commit suicide? She said, \”Teacher, you are right. I think my mother\’s life has been too miserable and miserable. She also only has me as her child in her whole life, so she can only tell me how miserable her life is.\” \”Every time I hear it, I feel a strong sense of guilt, feeling that if I can\’t do something for my mother, I will be speechless in front of my mother and I won\’t be able to be her child.\” So I asked, have you ever committed suicide? She said that when her mother and father sent her to Canada to study in the early days, she actually committed suicide in the bathtub and was saved by her boyfriend at the time. But she knew she couldn\’t tell her children these things. No matter how hard I feel in my heart, I can\’t tell my children, because parent-child education is very important. She came back and read a lot of books on parent-child education, and tried to stay very sunny in front of her children. She also thinks that when she doesn\’t see her mother, she is a good person and nothing happens. But through the arrangement of the family system, we can see that she is actually struggling with this in her subconscious all the time. This struggle is \”Mom, you are so miserable, I can\’t face you, I can\’t save you. If I can\’t When I save you, I would rather give up my life, lest I see you suffer so much and I don’t know how to face it myself.” This child, through five minutes of arrangement, I saw that she had a strong tendency to commit suicide. But from the outside, everything is very good: the family is rich, she is beautiful, she has everything she wants, she drives a fancy car and lives in a villa, such a status background. However, in her subconscious, a deep sense of guilt gripped her, causing her to always have the motivation to commit suicide. Seeing this, I gave her a trick. I said that when you go out again tomorrow, you should lie quietly in your son\’s ear – because a three-year-old child may not be able to express himself like an adult. It was just as smooth, but listening, that is, receiving information, was definitely no problem – so I asked her to speak quietly to the child in his ear. I asked her to tell the child: \”Dear child, mom loves you very much. Mom is going out to study now. Studying is to face mom\’s life better. Mom will survive well. Please rest assured that you are right for mom. My mother saw this caring.\” After she came to my class the next day, the phone didn\’t ring for a long time, and her mother-in-law hadn\’t called her by noon. Then I asked her to call back to verify. Sure enough, her child did not have a fever that day. She was very happy after hearing the news. She said: \”Teacher Li, I finally found a way to be free. I am nowNow I can go out freely and do what I want! \”I said: \”Don\’t get too proud too early. This is just a temporary measure, because we can see the core motivation from your arrangement. It turns out that even if you don\’t tell your child, he has already deeply felt in his heart that my mother is in danger. My mother shows signs of not wanting to live. She may look for cars and bump into others when she goes out. \”As a three-year-old child who loves his mother and wants to keep her, what should he do? Maybe his language expression is not smooth, so the child mobilizes his subconscious and sacrifices his own health. To keep the mother. So as soon as the mother goes out, she will almost have a fever, because the child already knows \”I have a fever, and the mother will come back.\” And you will find that the fever cannot be too low. What if it is too low? , everyone thought that nothing was wrong. If the fever is low, the mother may not come back. The child mobilizes his subconscious mind to raise his fever to more than 40 degrees, which is very dangerous. Only then will the mother come back. The child is using this method to Constantly save the mother and bring the mother back to him. Through this arrangement, we can see that it turns out that the child has a fever because he does not have a cold or a cold. If he uses intravenous drip for a long time, it will only destroy the child\’s immunity. . The mother needs to know the root of the problem. Of course, I have already talked about half of the handling of this case. What is more important is how the child learned to reconcile with his mother and the difficult fate of his mother. This It was the professional techniques and issues in her cases in the workshop. After some subsequent processing, she herself worked hard for quite some time. After about three months, the child developed a fever after she left. There are fewer and fewer. Through this case, I want to tell everyone that many times, we want to solve problems and have the ability to solve problems, but we are often unable to solve the problems well. The reason is that we do not know the problem Where is the core source? We have found the wrong direction. When the direction is wrong, no matter how hard you try, you will find that it is counterproductive.