Mom, please look at me carefully

When Rooney was 5 years old, I signed him up to practice Taekwondo. After class, he asked me: \”Mom, did you look at me?\” I perfunctoryly said to him: \”Yes.\” \”Then what did you see?\” \”Uh…\” In fact, I had been watching him while he was in class. Look at your phone. \”You must be looking at your phone again! Mom, don\’t look at your phone anymore, look at me!\” From then on, when he was in class, I no longer dared to stare at my phone all the time. I had to look at him from time to time to prevent he asked after class. \”Mom, look at me!\” I thought I paid enough attention to my child, but this sentence still came out of his mouth often. When he sings, dances, writes, plays…if I am around but my attention is not on him, he will definitely shout anxiously: \”Mom, look at me!\” When I look at me When it was placed on him again, he continued to do his own thing with peace of mind. Time and time again, I was struck by how much he needed my attention. So, when I was with him, I tried not to look at my phone, but stayed with him and looked at him wholeheartedly. 02 When talking or playing, looking at the child and truly understanding the child\’s true inner thoughts and emotional needs is an important means for parents to establish an intimate relationship with their children, and is a guarantee for children to build a sense of security and self-confidence. However, with the popularization and development of smart phones and the Internet, in today\’s society, if we look at it, how many parents can put down their mobile phones and accompany and watch their children wholeheartedly? A piece of news last year made people feel sad: a mother took her baby to swim, but she only looked at her mobile phone. She didn\’t know that the baby was drowning behind her. As a result, the child lost his life like this. Psychologist teacher Wu Zhihong once shared the diary of a second-grade child on his blog, which really speaks to the aspirations of all children: Today is Women’s Day. Today, I want to thank my mother for her hard work every day and do something for her. First, I told my mother a little story. But my mother didn’t seem to like the story I told her, and she kept looking at her phone. This put a huge damper on my mood. I thought: Maybe my blessing makes my mother like it more. So, I said my blessing to my mother, but my mother was still looking at the phone. I was even more sad. I thought: This method won\’t work either. Let me give her a back slap. I started to beat my mother\’s back. I beat my mother\’s back hard. But my mother still looked at the phone without a smile on her face. I was even more sad and prepared to wash my mother\’s feet. After washing my feet, my mother finally stopped looking at her phone, and I felt a little bit happier. I washed her feet diligently. After washing, I hoped to get some compliments, but my mother said to me seriously: \”Today\’s washing was good, it would be better if it was a little heavier.\” I stared blankly at her walking out of the room, but she didn\’t forget to say before going out: \”Hurry up and write a diary!\” This is how I spent my sad Women\’s Day. After reading this child’s diary, I believe many parents can find their own shadow. Without the attention of parents, children cannot see themselves, cannot find a sense of existence, and slowly lose their self-confidence. I feel deeply about this. I remember when I was a child, every time I talked to my mother, she was either doing something or chatting with others, and rarely looked at me. therefore, I never really felt my mother’s attention and concern for me. Gradually, I didn\’t want to talk less and less. So much so that later on, when I was chatting with people, I didn’t dare to look into their eyes, and my speaking voice became smaller and smaller. Among the crowd, I was a silent listener most of the time. Even if I occasionally spoke a few words, I would not listen. Quickly drowned out by other people\’s voices. If the mother cannot see the child, the child will try his best to seek the mother\’s attention, even at the expense of his own health. This phenomenon is especially obvious in babies. If a baby always gets sick for no reason, the parents should reflect on whether they pay too little attention to him. I have seen a case: In a wealthy family, a baby who was three or four months old often cried incessantly and could not find any reason. I\’ve been to the hospital numerous times, and nothing was wrong with my examination. The whole family is very distressed, and the child\’s mother and grandmother are often restless because they are the ones raising the child. Later, they installed several cameras in the child\’s room to record every moment of the child\’s life. In order to find out the reason, a friend who understands psychology looked through past video records and finally discovered the problem. It turned out that every time the child cried loudly, the child\’s mother and grandmother rushed to the child\’s side and picked up the child. However, after they picked up the child, apart from shaking the child greatly and frequently in the desperate hope that the child would calm down, their eyes did not communicate with the child\’s eyes at all. They did not look at the child! Later, when the child cried again, the friend who understood psychology held the child in his arms and looked into the child\’s eyes. A miracle happened. The child stopped crying, became quiet, and began to talk to him with his eyes. comminicate. For a baby, if you are not looking at him, he will not feel his own existence. Non-existence is equivalent to death. This feeling undoubtedly makes the baby extremely panicked, which is why he cries for a long time. No matter how old a child is, they all need their parents\’ attention. When a child asks to \”look at me\”, it not only requires parents\’ full attention, but also requires parents to respond promptly and accurately. As the second-grade child wrote in his diary, after the child washed his mother\’s feet, the child hoped to be praised by his mother. Although the mother responded to the child in time, such a response greatly disappointed the child. What is the difference between not responding correctly and not seeing the child? I am reminded of a picture book by John Burningham – \”Stay Away from the Water, Sally\”. In this book, we can deeply feel what happens to a child if he does not receive attention and response from his parents. a state. On an ordinary and warm afternoon, Sally and her family went to the beach for vacation. After arriving at the beach, mom and dad sat on the deck chairs and did their own thing, while constantly reminding Sally: \”Don\’t let your beautiful new shoes step on dirty things\”, \”Don\’t touch the puppy\”, \”Don\’t throw stones\”…, at all. Not noticing that Sally had entered her own fantasy world. Starting from page 4 of the picture book, John Burningham uses two contrasting pictures to show us a real world and a fantasy world: on one side is the chattering of mom and dad.Nagging, on one side is Sally\’s fantastic \”sea adventure\”. On the left, dad is smoking a pipe and reading the newspaper, and mom is knitting a sweater. The text shows what they reminded Sally: \”Don\’t let tar stain your new shoes.\” On the right, Sally is taking her little white dog, rowing a boat, on the sea. Encountered a pirate ship. Sally has clearly entered a fantasy world. On the left, Mom and Dad continue to remind Sally: \”Don\’t touch that dog!\” From this we may know what Sally did in reality. On the right, Sally reaches a crisis point in a fantasy world. The pirate grabbed Sally and pushed her into the sea. The little white dog bit the pirate\’s calf and became the role of rescuing Sally. On the left, the parents asked their daughter impatiently: \”I ask you one last time, are you thirsty? This is the third time I\’ve asked you!\” On the right, Sally\’s adventure was reversed. Sally wielded her sword and fought with the little white dog, beating the pirates to pieces. On the left, parents don’t let their daughter throw stones. On the right, Sally and the puppy defeat the pirates, grab the treasure map, and escape from the pirate ship. ………On one side is the nagging and boring world of Mom and Dad, and on the other side is Sally\’s fantasy world. Although we have not seen Sally\’s expressions and movements in the real world, in these comparison pictures, we can Imagine: Sally stood alone at the beach. In order not to get her shoes dirty, she did not dare to play in the water or sand or run around. She could only pet the puppy, throw stones boredly, and play with the smelly seaweed. , enjoying yourself in a fantasy world… How lonely and lonely this is! Thinking of this, we can\’t help but feel sorry for Sally. Psychological expert Teacher Li Xue once said: \”You rarely have eye contact with your child, or even no eye contact. The direct meaning is – you can\’t see the child!\” If you can\’t see the child, you don\’t know. Your child\’s true inner thoughts will gradually drift away from you. Eventually, a growing gap will appear between parents and children, which can no longer be bridged. I advise all parents to lean down, watch their children, carefully look at what their children are doing, listen to what their children are saying, understand their children’s true inner thoughts and emotional needs, and establish a close and interdependent parent-child relationship with their children. , children can build a sense of security and self-confidence, and have a healthy and happy life.