Mom, please stop using me as your \”shield\”

A few days ago, I had another argument with my mother. The reason was that when we were visiting the supermarket, she took a nectarine from the fruit section of the supermarket, stuffed it into Tong Bao\’s hand and took it out because Tong Bao wanted to play with it. This is not the first time that she has used the reason of appeasing her children to justify her \”little actions\”. I used to often look back and see her peeling peanuts to eat. Several times when I came out of the supermarket, I saw fruits of unknown origin in Tongbao\’s hands. Sometimes they were dates, sometimes tomatoes. Once She actually borrowed Tong Bao\’s little hand to bring out a black brin. And most of these things went into her mouth after leaving the supermarket. Every time she reminds her that this is not a good thing, she always has a reason, such as \”the child is bored and just plays with it\”, or \”it\’s not a valuable thing, the child wants it\”. It not only makes me feel very ashamed to blame my own obvious greedy behavior on my children, but what makes me even more angry is that my children have received the education of cheating, frame-up, and shirk since they were young. A one-year-old child cannot speak and cannot even point his fingers clearly. It is his nature to love to play with new things, but if this nature is exploited by adults, he will feel ashamed and annoyed when he grows up. In fact, there are not many people of the previous generation like this in China. They experienced the difficult period of the Cultural Revolution and experienced the difficult days of not having enough to finish a meal when supplies were in short supply. In life, they are all kind and hard-working people, and they do not necessarily teach us to be greedy for petty gains. But once we have a baby as an excuse, for some reason, such \”easy\” thinking suddenly becomes understandable. . I often go to the food tasting area in the supermarket and see parents with their children, asking for one sample after another, saying, \”Why does this kid still want to eat?\” What\’s funny is that they say such things He said without any intention of stopping him. I remember when I was seven or eight years old, I went shopping with my grandma and saw a stall doing activities and delivering daily necessities. Grandma took me forward and said to the aunt at the stall: \”This kid insists on having a portion.\” Maybe she thought I was not sensible yet, so it was okay to use me as an excuse, but in fact I already understood everything at that time… Why do adults habitually do this? It\’s because these things are a bit \”losing face\” to do, and it seems much more reasonable with children as a shield. Of course, this doesn’t mean we can’t participate in these free events or win some small prizes. Everyone has the right to participate in activities organized by businesses. However, in this process, if you are embarrassed to participate, then don’t let your children participate on your behalf. Please take your children and leave; if you really want to participate, just Just get a reasonable share of public resources. Remember, never use any special excuse to bring your child in as an excuse. You think that children have no concept of face, but in fact, children need face the most! If you rely on your children for any low-profile requests and beggings, it\’s because you don\’t know how much face your children need. Until one day, when the child suddenly understood the meaning of being framed, his shame and resentment towards the adult\’s behavior,It may have been deeply ingrained in my heart. When I was traveling with my family as a teenager, I encountered a scam that may still be popular today: free baby turtle releases. In fact, I thought it was a lie at the time, so I didn’t plan to participate, but my mother dragged me, and naturally I was fooled (it said it was a free release, but in fact they will give you a charm after you release it) , and then asks you to give money, and will not let you go if you don’t give it). Afterwards, when my father taught me how to prevent fraud, I suddenly felt a slight dislike for my mother. Although this emotion dissipated soon after, my mother\’s behavior at that time was very unbearable in my eyes. Even though children are young and have far less ability to take care of themselves, this does not stop their growing self-esteem at all. And you may not know that their inner vulnerability develops at the same time as their self-esteem. The act of using children as a shield causes no less harm to their hearts than labeling. It is enough to destroy the image of adults in the minds of children, and it also subtly teaches them to \”shirk responsibility\” and \”lie.\” \”. Suddenly I remembered that when I was studying, I stayed at an aunt\’s house for a while, and she was helping to take care of her grandson at that time. When we go out for a stroll in the evening, our one-year-old baby often likes to stare at the unknown people we meet in the elevator or in the community, and occasionally smiles at them. At this time, some people will respond with a few words, while others will pass by silently. In my opinion, this is normal. After all, we don’t know each other and there is nothing to say. But the aunt didn\’t think so. She would scold everyone who didn\’t respond to her grandson behind her back, and say things like, \”What kind of uncle is he ignoring us? He\’s so bad\” to the child. When going out, she always asks people to give her the way, regardless of whether it is convenient for others because she is holding or pushing her child; in the mall, she will sit in a certain store to rest regardless of whether it is convenient or not. It will affect the normal business of the store, because she has a child with her. When she meets a child she knows in the community eating snacks or playing with toys, she will definitely go up to ask for some or come to play. If the other child does not give it, she will say They are naughty or stingy. Thinking that the whole world should open the door for you and your children is the gangster logic of many adults with children. Most people in this society respect the elderly and care for the young, but this is only a moral standard, not a legal requirement. Just because most people give in to you out of good intentions doesn\’t mean that everyone has to give in to you. Child, it\’s not the reason why you get privileges. Using moral kidnapping to demand others will not only fail to bring more protection and benefits to the child, but will have an extremely negative impact on his cognition and concepts. Nowadays, more and more \”naughty children\” are born under this educational concept: domineering, self-centered, inconsiderate of others, and malicious to the world. Children\’s education does not happen overnight. The development of children\’s character often depends on the caregiver\’s usual words and deeds. All bad behaviors will cause trouble for their character tomorrow; all elegance and modesty will be in their thoughts. Sow the seeds of kindness.