\”Mom, what should I do if I fail the exam?\” Third-rate parents encourage you, second-rate parents relieve stress, this is what first-rate parents say!

The final exam is only half a month away, and many of my friends have entered a state of first-level combat readiness. Normally, I dare to resort to tricks, but now that the end of the term is getting closer, I don\’t dare to mess with the child at all, and I don\’t dare to speak loudly. The final exam every year is a test not only for children, but also for parents. As the exam approaches, many children will feel nervous. According to a survey conducted by Peking University, about 56% of the candidates have symptoms such as headache, dizziness, fatigue, memory loss, gluttony, anorexia or colds; about 90% of the candidates have There are symptoms of inner uneasiness, nervousness and amnesia, and as many as 35% have severe reactions. Test anxiety is not a big deal. After all, one or two exam failures have little impact on your entire life. But it is not too small to say that it is small, because from elementary school to university, postgraduate entrance examinations, and even work, exams of all sizes will accompany children for more than 20 years of life. If the anxiety before the exam is not handled well, it will indeed be a waste of time. For example, when we were in school, some people usually had very good grades, but they fell apart when it came to the big exam. But some people are just the opposite. Although their studies are average, they can always perform exceptionally well in the examination room. Therefore, if there is a student party at home, it is very important to guide your children to overcome \”pre-exam anxiety\”. Especially, when your child asks anxiously: \”Mom, what should I do if I don\’t do well in the exam?\” your answer is crucial. 01 Never say these wrong responses: 1. It doesn’t matter. Parents of our generation have suffered enough from being tortured by grades. We have been caught in the rain ourselves, so of course we want to hold an umbrella for our children. So, many people waved their hands and said, \”It doesn\’t matter. If you fail the exam, you won\’t do well. Just try harder next time.\” Although you may not like to hear it, to be honest, this kind of response is emotionally avoidant. Because I don’t know how to relieve the child’s anxiety and don’t want to increase the child’s pressure, I repeatedly emphasize “It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.” But unfortunately, this kind of response does not relieve the child\’s anxiety. Instead, it has two side effects: First, the child really listens. Anyway, my parents don\’t blame me. It\’s completely messed up and I can feel at ease about the failure in the exam. The second type is deeply affected, because it doesn’t matter or it doesn’t matter, which itself implies denial. Especially some children who are self-disciplined, strong, and have high demands on themselves. They may have been studying very hard in silence, and they have endured a lot of pressure and tensed up, and they just can\’t bear to talk to you… At this time, your light \”It doesn\’t matter\”, in their eyes, is an instant dismissal. All their previous efforts were lost. My parents didn’t understand or care about me at all. They couldn’t see how sad I was. When my parents said this, it seemed that they no longer thought highly of me and had no confidence in me. Aren\’t you the one who dares to suffer? There\’s quite a bit of \”rushing\” in which the child is working hard on the front line, while you are left to fend for yourself in the rear. 2. \”Come on, Mom, I believe you will do well in the exam.\” \”Come on, I believe in you.\” On the surface, it sounds like the transmission of parental love. But the subtext behind it is, \”You can do it, you still have room to work hard, and you can do better.\” The elders are kind-hearted, but what do the children think? I agree with this sentence – expectation is a kind of subtle violence. Because it conveys parents’ excessive expectations. Excessive expectations block the child\’s escape route. In this state, once the child fails to meet expectations, he will be trapped in guilt and self-blame until he is overwhelmed and unable to breathe. 3. \”Be reasonable\” \”What\’s the use of just worrying? You have this time to memorize a few more words and review more seriously…\” Before the child has finished complaining, the truth has already come up. This kind of response belongs to \”emotional suppression\” type\”. Rousseau once said: The most useless education method in the world is to lose your temper, reason and be self-motivated. Because as long as you are reasonable, it will basically turn into long-winded preaching over and over again: for example, wrapped in denial – what you did is wrong, not good enough, for example, you only care about the output of your own emotions – why don\’t you understand my good intentions? If you use the words of experience from above, you should… Not only will the child not listen, but he will also feel that he is not respected. This is why almost no one likes to be preached to. 02 If you want to relieve anxiety before the exam, try these 3 sentences. Every time I say these, someone will complain: You are so pretentious, why do you have so much trouble raising a baby? This doesn’t work, that doesn’t work, so how should we respond to our children appropriately? Don\’t worry, the method is here! Not to mention the first three, correspondingly, there are still three sentences that can be said. 1 \”It\’s normal to be nervous before an exam, and there are benefits!\” What\’s wrong with being nervous? Everyone gets nervous! Tell your children that as long as they are normal people, it is normal to worry when faced with important things or things they are not good at. My mother used to be nervous about taking exams, my father is still nervous about taking exams now, and my mother is also nervous before every live broadcast. This is a sign of our personal health. Moreover, appropriate anxiety has benefits! Psychological research points out that the relationship between anxiety level and work efficiency is an inverted U-shaped relationship. Appropriate tension or anxiety helps to awaken the excitement of the cerebral cortex, which can activate thinking and improve learning efficiency. In the face of stress, tension or anxiety, we don\’t need to get rid of it. We must let ourselves become people who remain calm even when the mountain collapses. You just have to accept it and make it work for you. When children have this idea, anxiety and tension will subside. 2 \”Even if you fail, you still make money!\” The ultimate purpose of the exam is not for the final score, nor for ranking comparison. All the major and small exams before the college entrance examination are to help us find and fill in the gaps. Before this, every point lost was earned! It’s better to help you find and solve problems in advance than to find them during the college entrance examination, right? If you don\’t do well in the test, it only means that you are not good at some questions. This way you can focus on consolidating your practice. You don\’t have to look blankly. Accurately filling in the gaps is the most efficient! For example, if your deskmate scores 90 points and you score 80 points, then you have an extra chance of earning 10 points. Because only others can find a 10-point problem, but you can find a 20-point problem at once! 3 \”I really don\’t want to accept failing in the exam. In order to avoid regrets, I still have time to try my best and turn anxiety into motivation!\” As parents, we still have selfish motives. You can relieve anxiety or relax. But giving up is not an option. Tell your children that failing in the exam is not failure. There is only one real failure – giving up. It just so happens that there is still time now, and you can still give it a try and sprint. If the guarantee is not complete, there will be two questions! You can also ask the child whatDo you need help from your parents? For example, make a review plan. Under the review arranged by the teacher every day, you will check for omissions and fill in the gaps to consolidate the mistakes and difficulties. In short, never define yourself easily until the last moment of your life. Finally, this is for us parents. If we want our children not to be anxious before exams, we must first adjust our emotions appropriately. You have to be steady first and don\’t mention exams, study or review carefully without opening your mouth or shutting up, and you don\’t need to change your usual daily routine to prepare your child for exams. Children are most sensitive at this stage before the exam. Repeated reminders and deliberate behaviors create a tense atmosphere and cause anxiety in children. Therefore, the main focus at this stage is to follow a step-by-step approach. Just do what you usually do during the exam. If you don’t change, it will be the greatest support. The psychological implication behind this is that the child is still your child, and love will not change because of exams.