Mom, will one day you leave me forever?

Fifteen days after the Spring Equinox, Douzhiyi, the Qingming wind will arrive. At the end of mid-spring, during family sacrifices and tomb-sweeping, children may ask: \”What is death? Is my son going to die too? Is my mother going to die too?\” Parents rarely take the initiative to communicate with their children about the concept of \”death\”. mentioned. However, children grow up and become more and more curious about the world. Perhaps they heard it from others, or saw it on TV, or an elder passed away in old age. Perhaps one day, the child will ask his parents: \”What is death? Where will I go after death? Will I die too in the future?\” \”At this time, parents will feel embarrassed, and a positive answer may frighten the child; if they do not answer, the child may keep asking questions. So, how do you respond to your children’s questions? For children under 3 years old, they only distinguish between what is in front of them and what is not in front of them, and do not understand the concept of eternity, so you can choose to hide it and draw their attention away. However, after the age of 3, children gradually begin to understand death. Avoiding it at this time will only increase the mystery of death, trigger inappropriate imagination, and convey anxiety and fear (Brent et al., 1996). If parents are calm and calm about the topic of \”death\”, children will naturally accept it; if parents are evasive and nervous, children will feel uneasy. Guiding children to understand death correctly can relieve their fears and help them learn to love and respect life, and to value family and friendship more. How to answer children\’s questions about \”death\”? There is no perfect answer to this question because every child has different concerns. The questions that children are curious about and worried about may be different from those of us adults, so try to understand what the child wants to know, provide accurate content, use a gentle tone, and answer as patiently as possible. 1 What is death? The knowledge about \”death\” that children need to establish is: Universality: All animals and plants, including humans, will die. Irreversible: The dead cannot be resurrected, and no magic or god can resurrect a dead lamb. Functional cessation: After death, all functions of the body will cease, and you will no longer be able to move or speak, nor will you have any feelings or thoughts; Reason: The cause of most people\’s death is aging, or it may be external factors such as disease and violence; Judgment Representation: Judgment by definitions of death, such as cessation of heartbeat and breathing (Ji, Cao & Han, 2017). 2 Where will you go after you die? Different family beliefs may have different opinions, but one thing must be maintained: the world of the dead will no longer intersect with the living. If children are allowed to think that the deceased will return to the world, they will have unrealistic expectations, which will lead to disappointment: \”Why doesn\’t my dead great-grandfather come back to visit me? Doesn\’t he like me anymore?\” or unnecessary resentment: \” Why did God (King of Hell?) take those people away? Will He hurt me too?\” A reference answer is: \”No one knows where you will go after you die, but at least you can be sure that you will not feel any pain after death. ——So there is nothing to be afraid of.” 3 Why live? Let children understand that death is the end, irreversible and inevitable, so that they can truly understand the longevity of the deceased.It\’s over, you can still chase those who come. Only by realizing the limitation of life can we understand the value of life. Among all living beings, who doesn’t love life? Love the extreme, and then love group. Love life, love life, cherish the time spent with the people you love, have fun, and drink with neighbors. I have experienced and felt it in my life, fought for myself, paid for others, and written my own history. How to help children understand death? 1 It is difficult to read picture books to tell and explain death to children. Picture books can provide effective support for parents. The interesting explanations and plots in picture books can help children release stress, relieve depression, and overcome emotional obstacles (Wiseman, 2013) . For example, \”Did Grandpa Wear a Suit\” use words and pictures to describe the emotional changes of a little boy after losing his grandfather. In the process, the child faced death, accepted the sad emotions and gradually recovered over time; \”A Leaf Falls\” Through the life cycle of leaves in the changing seasons, it describes the balance of life and death; in \”The Birds Sing\”, the frog found a little bird lying motionless on the ground, and he buried the bird with his good friends. . On the way back, their mood gradually improved, they laughed and laughed on the grass, and said loudly: \”Life is so beautiful!\” The experience of raising 2 kinds of flowers and plants and raising pets makes children better understand death. Children\’s cognitive development is based on experience, so the experience of raising a pet helps to construct the concept of \”death\”. Through the analogy with pets, children can understand that all functions of the body cease to function after death. Parents need to help their children understand the diversity and uniqueness of life, learn the life process of birth, growth, reproduction and death. Through observation, planting flowers and plants, and raising pets, children can experience the cycle of life and gradually understand life. sense of responsibility. 3. Family stories and rituals. If your family has the custom of worshiping ancestors and sweeping tombs, you can take advantage of the reunion of family members to talk about the past, family history, and ancestors’ experiences. Tell me where your ancestors were born and grew up? What career did you do? How many children have you given birth to? What lessons did you leave behind for your descendants? Gradually introduce children to death and inheritance through stories. Let the children understand that the purpose of offering incense is to show respect and memory for the ancestors, so there is nothing scary about tombstones and family temples. You can also ask your children to think about what they want to say to their ancestors without being too restrictive. If a child curiously asks: \”Mom/Dad, will you die?\” please tell him or her honestly and confidently: \”I hope to live a long, long time and see you grow up, get married and have children. \”