Mom’s destined battle for favor

From the time his son was born to ten and a half months old, he was raised by his grandparents. Even my confinement period was at my parents’ home. Because my mother-in-law has been spoiled by her father-in-law all her life, her princess disease makes her unwilling to take care of me during pregnancy and confinement, nor is she willing to take care of my grandson\’s infancy. This incident caused great harm to me and my parents. For a long time, my attitude towards my mother-in-law was indifferent. After the Chinese New Year, I was determined to return to work, but I couldn\’t bear to let my son be a left-behind child, and I was too embarrassed to ask my mother to follow me to Shenzhen. My parents opened a supermarket, and I really couldn\’t leave. So my husband tried hard and asked my mother-in-law to follow us to Shenzhen to take care of the children. My mother-in-law was not happy at first, and my father-in-law was also worried, fearing that his wife would suffer. After I promised that I would do housework and take care of the children during off work hours and bear all the expenses, she reluctantly followed me. In the first few days, she was completely new to taking care of children and didn\’t know where to start. I changed the baby\’s diaper while she watched. I gave the baby a bath and she stood beside me. I put the child to sleep, and she fell asleep long ago. With the child completely weaned, I am eager to go to work day by day, but my mother-in-law has not yet planned to take over the care of the child. Of course, the child also felt very strange and distrustful of this grandma who suddenly appeared. My husband has been in Shenzhen, and we have been in our hometown before, so the father is also a complete stranger in the eyes of the children. During that time, the baby clung to me all day long. In this strange city, he only knows me and knows that I am reliable. Literally, during that time he hung on me like a koala 24 hours a day, including when I slept. I worked hard to wean him off, and then went back to work. Before going out every day, the baby cried heartbrokenly and hugged my neck tightly, unable to let go. When his grandmother came to hug him, he punched and kicked her, causing an emotional breakdown. Every morning I have to comfort him for a long time before I can go out. I am always exhausted after struggling all morning. My mother-in-law said, how about you sneak away every day without letting him see you. I think it\’s too cruel to always refuse. For the next two days, I tried to get up early in the morning and sneak out without letting the baby see me. My mother-in-law called and said, \”The child is looking for you everywhere and is unhappy all day long.\” When I got home, the baby grabbed my collar and held me tightly. He was nervous about every move I made, afraid that I would leave. That feeling was both worrying and touching. This little guy relies on and loves me more than I could ever imagine. Two months after I started working, the baby has adapted to his mother leaving early and coming back late every day. He has become accustomed to extending his hand to say goodbye when I open the door, and staring at the door in the evening waiting for me to come back. When I am at home, the baby is still the most attached to me, but he will go to grandma from time to time. He started to sleep with his grandma at night. After a few days of fussing, he accepted it. As time went by, I occasionally brought him over to sleep with me. He couldn\’t sleep well, shouting: \”Grandma, Grandma!\” When eating, he asked grandma to feed him. When taking a bath, he asked his grandma to wash him. His poop stinks, and he wants his grandma to wipe his butt. His love for me gradually turned into a pure spiritual attachment. Once my husband and I took our baby to the park, and my mother-in-lawat home. The baby sat in the stroller and kept looking back, unhappy. When we arrived at the park, he didn\’t have fun at all. We didn\’t care if he seemed a little disappointed, thinking he was dozing off. After playing for a while, my mother-in-law also came to the park to find us. The baby saw grandma coming and danced in the stroller. His mother-in-law picked him up, and he took the initiative to kiss her on the face, put his arms around her neck and rubbed her. For the next half day, the baby was full of energy and played very happily. I admit, I felt jealous at that time, as if I had spilled a glass of lemonade. I brought up a child of that age myself, and after only two months of being with my grandma, her love for me was transferred to her. Later, the baby became more and more attached to grandma. Whenever my mother-in-law and I have any small disputes, although the baby won\’t say anything, he will stare at me and babbling, hugging her and comforting her. In the past, when babies ate, they had to lift the first bite and feed it to me. Later, this treatment for me was also cancelled, and he would pass it to grandma\’s mouth. Sometimes grandma is not around, so he has to find her and feed her. During that time, I felt more and more disappointed and my heart became more and more unbalanced. There were even a few times when I turned my back and shed tears. I thought to myself, a mother who falls out of favor in front of her son is really a failure. After feeling frustrated for a while, I called my mother one day. I couldn\’t help complaining: \”The baby doesn\’t stick to me now. He only loves grandma all day long. I have fallen out of favor. I am so sad!\” The mother on the other end of the phone laughed: \”You are too small-minded! The child loves other family members. It\’s a good thing. Why does he have to love you only and love you the most?\” I said, \”But he has always loved me the most, and I\’m very sad when this suddenly happens.\” My mother said, \”You can\’t have the same requirements for your children as you do for your husband.\” , it is worth being happy that he loves every family member. Then he will have many friends in the future. When he grows up, he will have a girlfriend and marry a wife. The older he grows, the less likely he is to always put you first, and even more It can\’t be the only one.\” \”But he has always been number one in my heart!\” \”Parents\’ love for their children is not equal to children\’s love for their parents. Don\’t worry, as long as he is a good child, he will definitely put his mother in his heart forever. In my heart, but you can\’t try to monopolize all his love. This is not good for his growth and is impossible.\” After hanging up the phone, I thought for a long time. Indeed, I tried to monopolize this child in the name of maternal love. I thought that I had given the most to him, and he should of course always love me the most. Isn’t this kind of maternal love that seeks reciprocal return selfish? Isn’t it absurd to use the cage of maternal love to bind children to their own territory? I hope that my children will love everyone who is worthy of love generously and love the world passionately. How can I be dissatisfied just because this love does not always put me first? The longer it takes to return to work, the greater the pressure at work, and I am extremely busy every day. I say goodbye to my baby in a hurry when I go out, and I get later and later when I get home at night. When I get home, I have to be busy writing some manuscripts, or reading books and videos to recharge my batteries. As a result, the time I spent with my baby became much less, and it was rare for me to play and play with him. My mother-in-law also began to take on the daily dinner and cleaning tasks, she is getting better and better at housework and tells me not to worry about these things. The baby has become more and more understanding with her and listens to her words very much. The mother-in-law cooks and washes clothes, while the baby watches TV obediently, or sits in the stroller and watches grandma busy. The mother-in-law changed from the woman who had been used to know nothing all her life to an elder who gave in and sacrificed for the family. Every day, the mother-in-law would push the baby around, learn a lot of children\’s songs for the baby, get up in the middle of the night to prepare milk powder for the baby, and stay up all night to take care of the baby when he was not feeling well… This child changed her and made her Be willing to give. With my mother-in-law stabilizing the situation on the home front, I have no worries when I charge into the workplace. Now I no longer worry about whom the baby loves more. I teach the baby to love grandma, and my mother-in-law always teaches the baby to love mother. I gradually understood that my mother-in-law extended her love for her son to her grandson, and extended it to the maintenance and management of her son\’s small family. From this point of view, I am the beneficiary. My son is the most loved person in my life. My mother-in-law takes good care of him, and I should be grateful. On the other hand, as the mother of a boy, I will also be a mother-in-law in the future. I will also watch my child grow up and extend my love for him to a longer and broader scope. I may not be a perfect mother-in-law in the future. I will also have a daughter-in-law. What I also hope to receive is tolerance, understanding and acceptance. In the final analysis, my mother-in-law and I are both mothers. Her love for her grandson and my love for my son are actually the natural instincts of a mother. Today, I no longer fight for the favor of my child. I am grateful to my mother-in-law for her dedication, and I am also very happy that my child can deeply love his family members other than his mother. I choose to reconcile all the dissatisfactions and conflicts in the past. We love the same man and the same baby. In fact, we should be allies, not rivals, right?