Moms who can\’t control their temper: This \’syndrome\’ may be to blame

One day a friend told me that she felt that she actually \”didn\’t love children.\” The words \”don\’t love children\” were simply too strange to come out of her mouth. In the eyes of many people, she is a very good mother. Several mothers around me regard her as a parenting guru, and they would listen to her opinions first when buying products for their children. But she felt in her heart that her \”love\” for her children was fading rapidly. She became more and more prone to losing her temper with her children, and even wished more and more that she had \”never given birth to a child.\” One afternoon, her baby fell off the bench and broke his knee. When she heard her child falling and crying, her first feeling was not that she felt distressed, but that she was \”annoyed to death.\” She walked to the child and saw that the child\’s knees were bleeding, which made her feel even more irritated. While she treated the child\’s wound extremely impatiently, she threatened the child: If you dare to climb on the stool in the future, I won\’t care if you fall to death. Thinking of this incident while lying in bed at night, she felt as if she was so unlike a mother. Shouldn\’t you feel \”sad\” when you see your child injured? When she was with her children, she felt like she was tied with countless ropes and was being \”dragged\” to keep moving forward. She didn\’t dare tell others about her feelings for fear that they would think she was \”psychopathic.\” And she felt that her health was getting worse and worse – she was very tired every day, and when she woke up in the morning, she felt like she had \”slept a false sleep\”; she felt that her resistance was declining, she often caught colds and had a sore throat; she was often absent-minded when talking to others, and was unable to do anything. Boring… After listening to her description, I felt that she was not a \”psychopath\”, but suffered from a syndrome common among mothers – chronic fatigue syndrome. Many people have heard of \”postpartum depression,\” but they don\’t know that mothers are more likely to suffer from \”chronic fatigue syndrome\” than postpartum depression. The syndrome has been called \”one of the most difficult subjects in medicine.\” The most obvious symptom is persistent, unexplained tiredness that doesn\’t work no matter how much rest you take. Even if you have slept well at night, you will feel tired soon after waking up the next morning. In addition to constant fatigue, this syndrome also has the following common symptoms: memory loss; difficulty concentrating; frequent muscle aches; joint pain; headaches or dizziness; frequent or recurring sore throats, a bit like a cold (many people mistakenly think Thinking that I am tired because I have a cold); swollen lymph nodes; depression. Some people also have the following symptoms: feeling like they are living in a \”fog\”; poor balance; prone to allergies; irritable bowel syndrome (diarrhea or constipation but no pathological changes) and night sweats; vision problems (sensitivity to light, Blurred vision, dry eyes) Other emotional issues (irritability, mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.) How does chronic fatigue syndrome happen in moms? Violaine Gueritault, a psychologist who specializes in chronic fatigue syndrome in mothers, found that motherhood involves doing many menial tasks that are repetitive and lack a sense of value. Many people think that there are things that \”mothers should do\” – no one will thank them, let alone pay them a salary. Mothers have done a lot of things, but they rarely get thanks or success.This syndrome may be caused by the constant consumption of physical and psychological energy and sense of value. A mother\’s \”chronic fatigue syndrome\” often goes through three stages. The first stage: Energy is gradually depleted and the body is exhausted. What does it mean to be a mother? I don\’t sleep well every night and wake up repeatedly, but I still have countless tasks waiting for me the next day – taking care of the children, playing with them, feeding them, doing laundry, cleaning, buying things for them, cooking… If she cannot get support from people around her at this stage, she will enter the second stage. Stage Two: Depersonalization, Emotional Alienation Extreme fatigue can destroy a person\’s \”ability to love.\” The exhausted mother will still care for her children, but gradually becomes indifferent. He \”completes\” his work like a robot, but feels less and less \”feelings\” with his children in his heart. If this state continues, she will enter the third stage. The third stage: irritable, out of control, unable to resist beating and scolding children, and quarreling with husbands. Mothers at this stage have very repetitive emotions. After they regain their composure, they may feel deeply disappointed in themselves again—feeling that they are not a good mother, doubting that they can control their emotions, and becoming increasingly disappointed in themselves. If she and those around her didn\’t realize she had chronic fatigue syndrome, her family would blame her, and she would often blame herself. What should you do if you feel like you have chronic fatigue syndrome? Here are some suggestions, which may not be completely suitable for you and your family\’s situation, but they can be used as a reference. 1. Check whether these words often appear in your mind: I have paid so much, but what have I gained? He doesn\’t do anything, why doesn\’t everyone blame him? I have done so many things, but I can\’t do this well. Why do everyone blame me? …When \”unfair\” thoughts like this appear frequently, it probably means that your input and output are out of balance. 2. Don’t be a perfect mother, just be the person who loves your children the most in the world. Mothers, especially first-time mothers, will have a desire – to be a perfect mother. This \”perfectionism tendency\” will aggravate mothers\’ fatigue. No one is born to be a mother. Mothers also learn and do things at the same time after their children are born. They must tolerate their own mistakes and tolerate the mistakes of others. Sometimes you have to leave the child to the father or other relatives to help take care of it. Even if their care is not as good as yours, just \”let them do whatever you want.\” Mom just needs to remember: For my child, it is enough that I am the person who loves him most in the world. 3. Learn to make this chart. Take out a piece of paper and a pen, and draw a grid on the paper. Write down your schedule for the week, what time and what time you do every day, from waking up to going to bed. Then look in this list to see if there are any things that \”you don\’t have to do, but I will be very happy if you do it.\” For example: going shopping with friends, practicing yoga, watching movies, etc. For a person, if such things account for about 1/3 of his daily life, he will feel that his life is flexible. However, if your schedule is full of things that you “have to do” and don’t make you feel “happy”, such as: cooking, doing laundry, picking up your children to kindergarten, seeing guests, etc.Household…your mental state will be \”out of balance.\” Look at this list and see which of the things you “have to do” are actually not that important or can be replaced by someone else. Try to cross out 1/3 and replace them with things that \”you don\’t have to do, but you are very happy when you do it\”. 4. Share some of the responsibilities of taking care of your children. Perhaps, no one in this world can take good care of your children as well as you. If you were to rate, you would give your performance in taking care of children an 8. If there is someone who can do half as well as you, a 4, then let this person replace you at some point. Especially the father of the child must be given the opportunity to \”independently\” raise the child. If you find yourself suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome, there is currently no cure. But you can slowly adjust your \”input\” and \”output\” status by changing your mentality and time. These four suggestions are definitely far from perfect. I hope mothers can also develop many ways to relax or even \”be lazy\” and post them in the message area.