Motherly love means letting go gracefully again and again

On weekend afternoons, I took you to play downstairs in the community. It was getting late, and I said I wanted to go home and breastfeed my brother, but you said you wanted to play with the children for a while longer. I said, I\’ll go up first and ask dad to come down and pick you up later. I thought you would pester me and say no like you did before, but I didn\’t expect you agreed readily this time. When I got home, while breastfeeding my brother, I told your dad to go pick up Rooney quickly. It was getting dark. Your dad was lying on the sofa, scrolling through his phone, unwilling to get up, and said nonchalantly, he is so old, and he still needs someone to pick him up? Let him take the elevator up later. I\’m angry, but you\’re just too lazy to move! He has never been in an elevator alone, he will be scared! At this time, the doorbell phone downstairs rang, and your dad picked it up and said, \”You\’ve grown up, take the elevator up by yourself.\” Then he hung up and went back to the sofa to check his phone. I was holding my brother who was breastfeeding, feeling angry and worried. After finally coaxing my brother to sleep, I was about to go down to pick you up when I heard a knock on the door. When I saw it, it was you standing at the door without saying a word. I couldn\’t believe my eyes, so I opened the door, \”Did you really take the elevator up by yourself?\” \”Yes!\” \”I was just about to go down to pick you up.\” \”No, Mom, I\’m going in with a grandpa. After he got off the elevator on the 5th floor, I continued to get on by myself.\” Your tone seemed to be talking about someone else\’s business. \”Aren\’t you afraid?\” \”Not afraid!\” You looked nonchalant. \”I thought you were going to cry.\” \”Mom, you don\’t have to feel so bad for me. I\’ve grown up and can ride the elevator by myself.\” You declared proudly. I looked at your face that was beginning to look angular but still childish, and I was a little surprised when I thought of that little person who used to be chubby, timid and shy, and always followed his mother closely no matter where he went. It seems that with just a blink of an eye, you grow up. It\’s as if you realize you suddenly have some kind of superpower and you can\’t wait to show it off. The next afternoon, you asked me to go downstairs to play alone. I agreed. \”Hooray!\” With my permission, you happily put on your shoes, walked out the door, and pressed the elevator button. I caught up and shouted: \”Don\’t play too long. If you go to a friend\’s house, call me on your aunt\’s phone…\” Before I could finish speaking, the elevator door closed. I stood at the door for a long time, feeling happy and disappointed at the same time. Happily, you finally bravely stepped out of the house alone; sadly, you have a wider world from now on, and your mother is no longer everything to you. I still remember clearly: when you were 38 weeks old, the doctor took you out of your mother’s belly early because the amniotic fluid was low. That was the first separation between you and your mother. You cried all night, as if you didn\’t want to leave your mother\’s warm and safe womb. When you were one year old, you learned to walk. From then on, you broke away from your mother\’s arms, jumped and ran, and explored the world with novel eyes. When you were three years old, you went to kindergarten and experienced separation anxiety for the first time in your life. You cried for a whole week on the way to school, and slowly accepted the fact that you were going to the society. When you were five years old, my father and I decided to sleep in a separate room with you. You cried and crawled back to me in the middle of the night every day.It took us two or three months to make trouble with our bed before we were willing to stay in the small room to sleep. …In this way, you are clinging to your mother while moving towards independence. That night when we went downstairs to play alone, after taking a shower, you asked to sleep with me again. This time, I happily and readily agreed. I think, while you are not fully grown up, while you still love me, stick to me and trust me without reservation, while I can still hug you without any scruples, I want to cherish the intimate time of sleeping in bed with you. I know that such intimate days will only last a few years. Then, I can only look at your back, drifting away. What awaits me will be deeper and deeper losses. I seem to see: Ten years later, you went to high school, lived on campus, and finally returned home. I excitedly wanted to go up and hug you, but you ducked away in embarrassment. I was looking forward to hearing you talk about the latest news in school, but you said lightly, \”Mom, I\’m so tired,\” and then walked back to your room and closed the door. Thirteen years later, when you went to college, I called you: \”Son, Mom misses you.\” But you said impatiently: \”Mom, I\’m busy, don\’t call me if you have nothing to do.\” Then hung up. I picked up the phone, leaving me feeling lost on the other end of the phone. Twenty years later, you took your beloved girl and told me: \”Mom, I want to marry her.\” Then, you finally changed from a boy to a man. You no longer belong to me, the woman called mother, but to that woman. A woman called wife. …As Long Yingtai said: I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called father-daughter, mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. . You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. It is said that all love in the world is for reunion, but maternal love is for separation. Facing separation from you again and again, what else can I do besides letting go? My child, it is in the separation from your mother that you grow up. As a mother, I can only give you strong intimacy when you are young so that you can establish a sufficient sense of security. When you grow up, I must learn to withdraw gracefully and let you fly freely. Only this kind of love can be achieved. Is giving you real love. Because I know that you have your soul, and that soul belongs to tomorrow, a tomorrow that I cannot reach in my dreams. I can try my best to love you and protect you, but I can\’t hold you in my hands and tie you to my side forever. I just hope you can always remember that no matter how far you go in the future, no matter what difficulties you encounter, your mother\’s home will always belong to you, and your mother\’s arms will always be open to you.