My 14-year-old son went from being seriously rebellious to a hardworking boy: I did 3 things right, and the method is simple and effective

How many parents are tormented by sudden rebellion when their children enter adolescence? I don’t remember the day when that obedient and considerate child suddenly became rebellious: he began to talk back, lose his temper, become addicted to mobile phones and games, get tired of school, skip school, and even run away from home… Faced with the child’s various rebellious behaviors, Some parents are worried that their children will go astray and start to strictly control them. Unexpectedly, the child became more and more rebellious the more he was controlled, and in the end it even became uncontrollable, affecting the child\’s academic performance. After being defeated, parents couldn\’t figure it out: \”How could a good child become like this?\” What are the rebellious children in adolescence thinking about? What should parents do? My son first showed signs of rebellion when he was in the sixth grade of elementary school. He often talks back and bargains at home, and is unwilling to implement the study plan I arranged for him. But at that time, I was still able to control him, reason with him, and teach him a few words. Although he was reluctant, he couldn\’t defeat me in the end. However, in junior high school, I found that the problem escalated. My son began to secretly play games, forget about his homework, and his academic performance became worse and worse. I told him carefully, but he turned a deaf ear. I got angry and scolded him, but he retorted without any sign of weakness: \”My classmates can play with it, but don\’t you also play with your mobile phone? Why can\’t I play with it? Why?\” I was so angry. We are speechless. I complained to my colleagues, why are my children so ignorant? A colleague told me that rebelliousness in adolescence is like this, and it will be better after this stage. So, I gritted my teeth and never gave up on disciplining him no matter how angry I was. During the summer vacation, in order to improve his grades, I enrolled him in a cram school at a high price. When asked how he was doing in his studies, he was like a cat with a hairy fur: \”Study, study, you know how to study, can\’t you let me go during the holidays? Why am I so unlucky!\” Hearing what he said, I was also very angry. : \”You are not good at studying on your own. You don\’t want to work hard to catch up during the holidays, so you just know how to play! You really can\’t hold up the wall, you are a loser!\” The son\’s mood suddenly rose: \”I am a loser, I just don\’t want to learn, You love it! I just won’t go!” After saying that, his son ran out and went to the Internet cafe to spend the night, refusing to go home. My husband\’s persuasion was fruitless, and he took out his anger on me, saying that I had neglected the child. At that moment, faced with my son\’s rebellion and my husband\’s incomprehension, I cried. I really wish I could disappear from this world immediately and never have to worry about being reprimanded again! After calming down, reason prevailed, and my husband\’s angry words also touched me. I began to reflect: \”Why is my son becoming more and more rebellious? Why is he unwilling to listen to what I say? Why is he so averse to learning? What should I do to change him?\” Until I went online to learn a lot of parenting knowledge and consulted After seeing a professional teacher, the confusion was gradually solved. The teacher told me that rebellion in adolescence is actually a common and short-lived process. However, if a child is psychologically harmed during the rebellious period, parents do not have scientific guidance. Then, he is likely to miss the best opportunity for development, resulting in a lack of qualifications and so on. “Although children will eventually grow up, parents still need to adopt the correct methods to help their children successfully go through the rebellious period., so as to minimize the damage. \”To solve the problem of children\’s rebellion, understanding the reasons behind the behavior is the key. The teacher said that there are three main motivations for adolescent children to be rebellious: First, increased self-awareness. After entering adolescence, children will experience a \”Psychological weaning period\”. They long for independence and begin to explore: What kind of person do I want to become? How do everyone see me? While their self-awareness is emerging, their views are obviously emotional and one-sided. , like to use their own thinking to understand the world. At this stage, parents often treat them as children and habitually control them as they did when they were young, allowing their children to accept \”instructions\” unconditionally. At this time, the child\’s rebellious psychology arises. Children want to make their own decisions and do not have to obey their parents as they did when they were young; but parents want their children to follow their own wishes and want to keep them under control. Therefore, children will resist through various rebellious behaviors such as losing tempers and arguing. Parents. Second, driven by curiosity. Adolescent children are already very curious. They are interested in many things, including things that their parents think are harmful, such as playing games, being addicted to mobile phones, etc. , parents will intervene to prevent their children from doing wrong things. At this time, the \”forbidden fruit effect\” appears. The more forbidden things are, the more attractive they are; the more unavailable things are, the more they want to get them. … Driven by curiosity, children would rather be punished than repeatedly challenge their parents’ bottom line. Third, in addition to the stimulation of parents’ wrong words and deeds, parents use control, ridicule, yelling, beating and scolding, etc. Violent communication methods can also inspire rebellious behavior in children. When a child does not feel the support of his parents, he will continue to \”escape\” and \”confront\” his parents, close the door and refuse to communicate with his parents, or even leave home. Run away; or have a direct fierce confrontation. If you yell at me, I will yell at you, and if you scold me, I will scold you. After the teacher\’s thorough analysis, I finally understood the problem. In the past, I was worried that if I didn\’t care about my rebellious son. , the child will let it go. However, under strict control, the child will only become more rebellious. What is the correct way to educate rebellious children? \”Control\” and grasping the \”degree\” are the key. For details, please refer to the following methods: 1. Parents must control their emotions so that they can have the confidence to deal with their children\’s problems and look at them like enemies. When bullying themselves, parents often cannot control their emotions, their adrenaline surges, and they can\’t help but yell at their children. However, yelling can only intensify the conflict and make the children fight back with the same attitude. Therefore, parents want their children to change. First of all, you must deal with your emotions, stop violent communication, and become a person who can speak well. Now thinking about it, in the past, the quarrels and confrontations between my son and me always seemed to start with me losing my composure and scolding loudly. Through learning, I began to know how to see my emotions. Whenever I was about to lose my temper, I would consciously \”see\” it.The reason for your temper is to analyze what you are anxious about? worry about what? Over time, my ability to manage my emotions has become stronger, my heart has become stronger, and I have become more powerful. Every time I prepare to talk to my son, I will first think calmly: What is the purpose of my communication? What result do you want to get? These problems have been smoothed out, and my communication with my son has become calmer. I will not be led away by my son, and I can have strong inner strength to catch and guide my child. 2. Observe carefully and understand the child’s true inner needs. Many times, adolescent children are unwilling to respond to their parents and put on a \”stinky face\”. This is not because they are disrespectful to their parents, but because they have emotions due to certain things. Adults all have emotions, let alone children who are still unable to fully control themselves? Therefore, when a child is emotionally excited or depressed, we can try to put aside criticism and preaching, go into his heart, feel and express his inner feelings. I know that the teacher criticized you wrongly and you are very irritable; I know that you are very angry because your mother did not tell you in advance and disrupted your arrangements. When you are willing to understand your child\’s feelings, you will find that your child softens. He no longer resists, but is willing to talk: \”Yes, I am just angry, why didn\’t you tell me in advance?\” You can know what the child cares about. Where does the anger come from? Why do you display bad attitudes, words and deeds? When I started to apply this method to get along with my son, I found that \”Long Live Understanding\” was as effective as spring breeze and rain for the child. When my son is in a bad mood, I don\’t blame him, \”Why are you so ignorant? Who are you showing your face to?\” Instead, I try to empathize with his feelings. Whenever this happens, my son\’s mood will gradually relax and he will share his current feelings with me. At this time, I will give my opinions and suggestions during communication with him, and he can also hear them in his heart. 3. Learn to let go and delegate authority, and let your children have the final say on some things. Many times, when you ask your child to go east, the child insists on going west on purpose, leading to an intensification of the quarrel that should not have occurred. In fact, this is more like a power struggle between parents and children. As a child grows up, he needs to have a \”sense of control\” over his own affairs, so that he can feel safe. For children in the rebellious period, parents should appropriately put aside their airs and authority and respect their children\’s opinions and decisions as much as possible. When children feel that they are respected and affirmed, they will have much less resistance and resistance. I recall a heated argument I had with my son. Because my son is good at math but poor at Chinese, I asked him to read Chinese for a while before doing math problems. Unexpectedly, my son immediately became angry when I reminded him like this: \”You understand, you are here to learn for me? Can you please stop giving me random instructions!\” I also became angry: \”I would like to remind you, is this the attitude you have towards your parents?\” A parent-child meeting The war broke out instantly, and for several days, my son and I rarely spoke. Now that I think about it, it’s because I don’t understand children’s psychology and I lack the correct education methods. In addition, I always remember what the teacher said: \”No matter what the reason is for a child to be rebellious, the core principle is helplessness.\” He lacks mature emotional management skills and cannot handle various situations.Emotions and frustrations, but also the management of parents and teachers, and the pressure of study. Therefore, he is helpless and needs his parents\’ understanding and help. I also changed my education method. I no longer ordered my son condescendingly, but discussed it carefully: before arranging cram school for him, I would ask for his opinion; occasionally when he was in a bad mood and ignored me, I can also control my emotions and continue to care and care for him. Gradually, the son changed – from a little hedgehog covered in thorns to a docile cat. He was willing to communicate with me. He told me that he felt that his mother understood him so well and seemed to always stand firmly behind him, which made his heart very peaceful. When I study, I feel that my efficiency has become higher. I feel like I have suddenly become enlightened, and my academic performance has improved a lot. Looking back on the past days when I was almost driven to death by children, I want to tell you: Only when we truly learn how to understand children, find out the reasons for their rebellion, and learn scientific and effective methods can we prescribe the right medicine and help our children go on the right track. Click \”Like\” and encourage everyone.