My 6-year-old daughter called the police and refused to take a children’s interest class: How can I make my child persist after enrolling in the class?

The Chongqing police once received a call that made people laugh or cry. On the other end of the phone, a little girl was asking for help, \”Uncle policeman, come and save me. My mother beat me, come and take her away…\” After investigation, the truth was a little helpless. It turned out that the reason why the 6-year-old Tongtong called the police was because he was beaten by his mother for refusing to attend the hobby class. In order to keep her daughter on the starting line, this mother signed her up for three interest training classes. Unexpectedly, her daughter didn\’t want to go. Bao\’s mother got angry and lost control and took action. Tongtong, who was beaten, secretly called the police. I believe many parents have encountered this problem: they have chosen an interest class for their children and paid the money, but after only a few classes, their children don’t want to go and cry and make fuss. If you force your children to go to interest classes at this time, you are worried about causing psychological harm to the children; if you don\’t persist, you are worried that your children will develop the habit of being afraid of hardship in everything and having no perseverance in doing things. Whether or not we should persist has become a dilemma. There was once a question on Zhihu: \”Everyone was forced to practice piano when they were young. Who persisted in pain? When you grow up, do you feel that the efforts you made as a child were worth it?\” Unexpectedly, netizens expressed their gratitude to their parents for their efforts back then. \”heartless\”. @netizenA: Now I don’t regret being forced to practice piano at all, but I am grateful for that time. Without those days, I\’m afraid the world would be less colorful. After all, music also has color. Each person is also an instrument, with his own unique timbre and his own unique chapter. @ Netizen B: Learning the piano itself is a valuable life experience and accumulation of experience. More importantly, this kind of experience and accumulation has provided me with a possibility today, a possibility that can give me a unique identity, a possibility that can significantly define myself and others. This possibility also indirectly promotes The formation of my firm will and independent personality. Now practicing piano every day has become a part of my spiritual practice, and I enjoy doing it very much. I feel very lucky. @网友Ｃ: I remember back then, when I didn’t want to practice piano, my mother said, “I’ll let you stop practicing when you pass the CET-10 exam.” Unexpectedly, after I passed the CET-10 exam, I couldn’t give up the piano; Mom also said: \”You will definitely like the piano in the future, and you will thank me then.\” I felt very disdainful at the time, Liz would not like the piano! Unexpectedly, I was told the truth again. Coincidentally, in one of the issues of \”Longing for Life\”, Anglebaby asked Xianhua Liu, who had been practicing violin since childhood: \”Were your parents forcing you to learn violin when you were a child?\” \”Forced, yes.\” \”Then were you willing when you were a child?\” \”I don\’t want to, I didn’t want to poop until I was eleven or twelve years old, and then I participated in the first competition, and I started to like it from that time on.” “Then do you feel grateful to your parents now?” “Thank you very, very much.” One side said A hundred children were reluctant to persevere, while those who were forced to persevere were filled with gratitude. I believe that after seeing so many real-life examples, every anxious parent is secretly trying to \”force\” their children to persevere. However, before making this decision, you need to consider the following questions: (1) Whether the decision for your child to attend an interest class has been carefully considered;consider? (2) Can the child maintain a relatively happy mood during most of the time in the interest class? (3) Do you like the interest class teacher and the children in the interest class? Are there any other events happening that require attention? If you have checked the above problems and found that the child is interested, the quality of the interest class is good, and there are no other incidents, then you should not easily \”surrender\” in this tug of war. Because \”it is the nature of children to be fickle\”, children are young, have weak willpower, and often give up on things halfway; and for children whose minds are not yet mature, they themselves need the guidance and supervision of their parents; from a physiological point of view, interest There is a physiological mechanism for the production of dopamine. When dopamine is released, it can increase people\’s excitement and interest in external things. However, the excitement of all new things will disappear as dopamine decreases, so it is said that the interest in the same thing can be maintained for a long time. It is very difficult, not to mention repeating boring exercises, which will easily lead to a loss of interest; if you blindly accommodate your children, they will learn if they want to learn, and if they don’t want to learn, they will not learn, and let the children develop the habit of learning everything for three minutes. , not to mention the waste of financial resources and energy, it is also difficult for children to truly find their own interests. They can only stay at the stage of superficial taste, unable to experience the fun of in-depth learning, and it is easy to lack perseverance and sense of responsibility. The writer Gladwell pointed out in the book \”Outliers\”: \”The reason why geniuses in people\’s eyes are extraordinary is not that they are superior in talent, but that they have made continuous efforts. 10,000 hours of tempering is the key to transforming anyone from ordinary to extraordinary. The necessary conditions for becoming extraordinary.\” I believe that parents are not willing to wait for their children to grow up and complain: When I first learned…, why didn\’t you force me? So, here comes the key question: How to help children who have carefully chosen their interests stick to it? 1. Pay attention to emotions and prescribe the right medicine. If a child falls in love with an interest, it is most likely because of love, but giving up on something may not necessarily be because of dislike. The easiest reason for children to say is \”I don\’t like it.\” In fact, \”I don\’t like\” is not an answer. You need to analyze with your child the reasons why he doesn\’t like it, and then really talk to your child attentively. You will find that sometimes the child does not dislike this activity. He may not like the way the teacher talks, he may not like not being taken seriously in the team, or he may not like always losing to others. What parents need to do is to pay attention to their children\’s emotions, listen to their true thoughts, and then solve the reason why they don\’t like it. I remember that when my daughter first came into contact with the Hanon etudes, she had a strong feeling of being tired of learning. I observed it several times and said sincerely: This etude is indeed very difficult. It is already very difficult for you to coordinate your left and right hands. It\’s not easy anymore. As a result, I found that my daughter was particularly engaged in that practice, and since then she has not mentioned anything she didn’t want to learn again. What she needed at that time was emotional recognition and support. 2. Satisfy demands and stimulate internal drive Let’s take the example of my daughter practicing piano. I found that for a while, her father asked her to practice piano and she went there very actively. Instead, I reminded her to practice piano, and she always had to dawdle. a while. Until one day, I discovered my dad’s strategy. He didn’tHe is urging his daughter to practice piano, but he is expecting his daughter to give him a concert. In the same way, a child who actively chooses to learn chess becomes his parents\’ primary school teacher at home. He often competes with his parents on the chessboard at home, and is often victorious. It would be difficult for such a child not to continue learning. This is what American psychologists Edward L. Deci and Richard Ryan concluded: when people can meet the three major psychological demands of autonomy, competence and relatedness, they will Be able to continue to be motivated to do one thing. When a child can make his own choices, gain support and confidence in interactions with his parents, and feel love and a sense of accomplishment, he will be able to develop his interests freely. 3. It is better to force your children than to force yourself. Just like Father Liu who trained a world golf champion, regardless of his ability as a world table tennis champion, he is also an enthusiast in the field of golf. He has been playing golf for 15 years and his average level is stable. At about 80 strokes, this level is already considered a master among amateur players, so he can be a coach during his daughter\’s training, a caddy during competitions, and a father in life… As the saying goes, it is better to educate yourself first than to raise children. The same goes for persistence of interest. As Dong Qing said in the \”Face to Face\” program: \”What kind of person you want your child to be, you must first be a person!\” Without saying anything, he urged his daughter to have a \”concert\” \”Before, I have to move my fingers on the keys.