\”My child is so useless!\” It\’s because you don\’t know how to use it.

My son\’s school is holding an autumn sports meeting, and he signed up for the 400-meter run and the standing long jump. Xiaopang has been a good friend with his son since childhood, but he did not participate in any of them because he was completely unqualified. Speaking of the sports meeting, the little chubby mother seemed very angry and complained to me: \”Wanwan mother, let me tell you, my son, I get angry just talking about it. He can\’t do anything well. He can\’t study, do housework, and can\’t do sports.\” No. Letting him run would be like killing him. This kid is really useless!\” \”Actually, Xiaopang is a pretty good kid. I think it\’s not that he is useless, but that you… are useless. .\” Actually, originally I wanted to say \”you don\’t know how to use it.\” The little fat mother looked at me in surprise: \”Do you want me to use it? He is a big living person, not an object! He has a head, a brain, hands and feet, so why can\’t he learn?\” I could only smile bitterly to myself, this is not useful. It is used to mean training and education. I grew up watching Xiaopang, and I also understand how he became what he is today step by step. I have mentioned many times that a child\’s growth cannot be achieved overnight. No matter what he or she looks like in the end, there are causes and traces to follow. Yes, children are independent individuals with independent thinking and action abilities, and they can see, learn, and do things. But in the process of their growth, parents should play a role in guiding, supervising, and encouraging them. Only by knowing how to \”use\” them can they become \”useful\” bit by bit and become adults. And how did Xiaopang grow up? Xiaopang was not fat when he was a child, but he loved snacks, especially fried foods and various junk foods. His parents knew that this kind of food was not good, but they doted on him. They couldn\’t stand his nudges and repeatedly let him succeed. Just eating like this, in just a few years, by the time he graduated from kindergarten, he was already more than ten pounds heavier than his peers. It’s tiring to walk, let alone run and jump. In the evening, when the friends were playing together, he was already panting and sweating profusely from exhaustion while others were still chasing him to play games. Before long, he was sitting on a stone bench to rest, holding a Coke and drinking it. I have mentioned to his mother many times that it is not good to drink too much, but she always says: He likes it, but there is nothing he can do about it. It\’s obvious that you are soft-hearted and can\’t help it. I can only think about it in my heart, it\’s hard to say it out loud. Little Fatty grew fat like this until he was about to graduate from elementary school. Apart from going to school, he only ate and slept. Doing housework? His mother softened her heart when she saw him clumsy and complaining about being tired. In addition to being soft-hearted, there was another reason. She thought he was working too slowly and looked anxious. After a few times, she simply gave up and took over all the housework herself. Let’s talk about learning. Because he is too fat and lacks exercise, the little fat boy does not have very good energy. He easily falls asleep and loses focus in class. The teacher said above that he often wanders off without knowing where he is. If things go on like this, you will not be able to keep up with your homework and your grades will be unsatisfactory. Judging from the chubby growth trajectory, it is all caused by parents\’ pampering and pampering, and the children are innocent. Many acquaintances have seen how \”cruel\” I am to my son and kindly advised me not to be too cruel to my child, saying that it was not good and would hurt the child\’s young mind. Yes, I \”used\” my son so ruthlessly. Moreover, I don\’tI think that is hurtful. On the contrary, I think it is true love for the child and consideration for his future. When my little son cried because he was afraid of sleeping in separate beds, I didn\’t relent. I stayed with him, told him stories, and encouraged him until he fell asleep. One day, two days, three days… until he got used to it. When he wanted to learn how to make dumplings, I didn’t laugh at him because the dumplings he made were crooked. Instead, I praised him for being very creative. I also didn’t blame him for making a mess of flour and fillings, and let him do it while he was playing. Add to chaos. He is happy because of participation and makes progress because of hands-on work. After entering elementary school, I let him go to and from school by himself. On weekends, let him take the bus alone to learn Taekwondo, rain or shine. Of course, the premise is that you have led him to practice repeatedly, informed him of various safety common sense, and also quietly followed and protected him for a period of time. When he washed the dishes for the first time, I didn\’t get angry or give up because there was still oil stains on the dishes he had washed. Instead, I taught him patiently, encouraged him to do it again, and praised him for making progress every time. The first time he wrote a composition, he didn\’t know how to write and was so anxious that he burst into tears. I inspired him on how to find material, how to start, how to express the middle part clearly, and how to end. I told him that if he wants to write a good composition, he must read a lot, read thousands of volumes, and write like a master. I read with him until he developed a good habit of loving reading and was no longer afraid of writing. He likes basketball. On summer evenings, I stay with him and watch him practice. When he is thirsty, give him water; when he is discouraged because of repeated misses, let him think of his idol; when he is tired, encourage him to hold on for a while. He is my child, and he is also like my guinea pig. I practice my educational philosophy on him, \”use\” him, and polish him. What is the effect? It has been almost ten years since he became a little sensible. What does he look like now at the age of 12? Is he useful? He can cook simple meals and is a skilled dishwasher. This summer vacation, for 60 days, I did not wash the dishes for a single day. In the evening, after I took a shower and turned on the air conditioner in the room, he happily washed and cleaned in the kitchen without any complaints. His composition no longer requires my guidance, and his teacher gave him a high evaluation. The works he reads are getting more and more profound, and he doesn\’t want to sleep every day. If I hadn\’t turned off the light forcibly, he would have read the book in his arms in the middle of the night. Once, I asked him whether reading was good for his writing. He said that the benefits were great. It not only enabled him to master a large number of vocabulary and allusions, but more importantly, it opened up his imagination and enriched his writing techniques. He continued to play basketball and entered the school team until he became captain. Every step is soaked in blood and sweat, and then reaps joy. …As a parent, you cannot shirk your responsibilities with a frivolous \”This child is really useless\”. Whether a child is ultimately useful depends on how his parents use it since childhood. If parents pamper, spoil, or ignore their children and wait until their children grow up to be useless, then they will blame the children for their uselessness. They are really blaming the wrong person. If you want to blame, you have to blame yourself. You didn\’t strictly discipline, didn\’t guide correctly, and didn\’t \”make good use\” of this child. My talents are destined to be useful. As long as they are used carefully and correctly, every child can become usefulpeople. As for how useful it is, it depends on how you use it.