\”My classmates ignore me\”, 4 tips to help children make friends [Attached is a friendship quality questionnaire]

Little X transferred to a new school after the summer vacation and has been attending school normally for the first month. However, after the National Day holiday, whenever the topic of going to school was mentioned, Xiao X burst into tears without explaining the reason. His parents were very anxious, thinking that their child had encountered some difficulty in learning, but the teacher said that his child had always done well in his homework. As time went by, little X continued to cry every day, and his originally good grades gradually declined. His father almost beat him in desperation. Little The school doesn\’t get along well with my classmates, and I can\’t integrate into the small groups that my classmates have formed. Parents are very concerned about their children\’s learning. When their children are tired of studying and their grades decline, they are always eager to find out the reasons: could it be due to high pressure, poor learning attitude, lack of learning skills, etc. However, parents will ignore an important and real influencing factor: the relationship between their children and classmates. Research has confirmed that from kindergarten to high school, a child’s peer relationships influence his adjustment to school. Children who get along well with their classmates will like school and teachers more, be less likely to skip classes, and perform better academically. Children who do not get along well with their peers are eight times more likely to drop out of school than their peers (Asher, Macevoy & McDonald, 2012). Therefore, some children do not like to study, maybe because they have not made friends in school. Because companionship and support from peers is very important to children. So, what can parents do if your child finds it difficult to make or maintain friendships: 1. Talk to your child about friendship: Talk to your child about friendship topics such as: sharing, honesty, how to balance yourself and The needs of others and letting your children know what behaviors lead to good friends. The core of friendship is equality. Please tell your children to respect each other and consider each other\’s opinions when making friends. Friendships cannot hinder each other\’s actions, nor have the intention of controlling (Rose & Asher, 2017). 2. Teach children chatting skills: Children need to have the ability to self-disclose, share their experiences and thoughts with friends, and appropriately express care, concern, appreciation and love. So you can teach your children how to talk with friends. When chatting with your children, maintain eye contact. You can ask your children what they just said and what they want to say next, and then let your children find the connection. 3. Not making friends for their children: Parents cannot make friends for their children. When their children encounter difficulties in interpersonal communication, they are always ready to listen to their pain, but encourage them to solve problems on their own. When a child encounters a situation where he has a disagreement with a friend, if he chooses to seek help from his parents, the parents can ask him what he thinks and then let him express his opinion to his friend. Do not teach the child to avoid or directly admit his mistakes, and speak clearly. Opinions can enhance friendships (Rose & Asher, 1999). 4. Maintain your own friends: Research has confirmed that if a mother has a broad social circle, her children will have more friends; mothers believe thatFriends can bring happiness and new ideas to themselves, and children will also think that their friends are beneficial. Children whose mothers’ friendships are of lower quality also have more conflicts with their friends (Glick, Rose, Swenson & Waller, 2013). Want to know if your child has a good relationship with his peers? American psychologist William Bukowski and others compiled the \”Friendship Quality Questionnaire\” (suitable for children of primary school or middle school age): Ask children to name their best friend, and then rate the degree of consistency with the description based on their current relationship with the friend, 1 Scored as completely disagree and 5 as completely agreed. (1) Companionship: My friends and I often stay together and have a good time; my friends will do interesting things with me; my friends and I will go to each other’s houses to play or study after school and on weekends; sometimes I and Friends will talk about things we like, such as sports or TV series; (2) Consistency: When my friends are in a bad mood, I will also feel low; when my friends suggest me to do something, I will try it; I can guess what my friends are doing What I am thinking is often in the same mind; when my friends are hurt by others, I will also feel sad; (3) Help: If I forget to bring lunch or need a little money, my friends will lend it to me; my friends will help me when I am in trouble; If other children bully me, my friends will stand up for me; when I have learning problems, my friends will answer them with me; (4) Safety: If I encounter setbacks, I am willing to tell my friends; if I have problems that I cannot tell, I can tell my friends the secrets I want to share with others; if I quarrel with my friends, we can make up quickly; if I fight with my friends, we will apologize to each other and then we can make up; (5) Closeness: If My friend is moving, and I will miss him very much; even if my friend is not around, I will often think of him; when I get good grades, my friends are always happy for me; when I am with my friends, I feel very happy. The average scores for the five categories were: companionship 14.4, consistency 11.3, help 16.2, safety 16.6, and closeness 16.4 (Bukowshi, Hoza & Boivin, 1994). See if your child has reached the average level?