My husband doesn’t have a baby, how to treat this disease?

\”I\’ve thought about divorce many times, but I\’m worried about my children.\” Little T asked me for help in answering questions, and his words were full of helplessness. She said that she encountered a husband who never participated in childcare, and also pointed out that this was not good and that was wrong: every day when he came home from work, the man would lie down on the bed after dinner and look at his mobile phone. The children wanted to play with him. He ignored it… When the child had trouble, the man immediately became furious: How do you teach your child? Is this how you look after your children at home every day? ! When walking outside, the child sees something curious and wants to stop for a while. He will say, \”What\’s so interesting? Let\’s go!\” Disappointment accumulates little by little. An incident that happened a few days ago made little T\’s doubts about marriage. Completely disappointed: The child woke up in the middle of the night, grunting and crying, which woke up the husband. The man actually sat up and yelled at the child: \”Don\’t cry! Why are boys crying!\” Seeing that the child was still sobbing. Yes, the husband not only cursed, but also slapped the child! \”I\’m so scared.\” Little T wants to escape from this marriage, but is stuck as a stay-at-home mother. In her husband\’s hometown, she has no income, no friends, and no hope. \”We can\’t leave for the time being, but I\’m worried that this kind of widowhood will What adverse effects will parenting have on children? Is there any way to minimize the harm to children?\” When we are in love, it is always you and me. Most of the time, we are united because of love. After having children, The style of painting is changing. Did you miss it from the beginning, or did the man change the day after tomorrow? Recently, I was chatting with a friend who is envied by everyone in the circle, and I was surprised that there was an undercurrent behind her seemingly harmonious family relationship. \”If my husband says to divorce me now, I will sign immediately! Whoever divorces will not be able to live with him, I think very clearly. Anyway, he is the same without him!\” \”Ah? Isn\’t your husband very good, with a good temper? Honesty, loyalty…\” \”Those are all appearances!\” My friend interrupted me and said that after having a baby, I realized how useless men are, and asked him to help coax a baby, but she couldn\’t do it every time, and the baby still only looked for her; let him If you don\’t explain clearly what you need to do to help, something will always happen. She said that what bothered her the most was the prenatal check-up during the entire pregnancy. She was considerate of her husband\’s busy work schedule and always said it was okay, I would just go by myself. One time, her husband finally accompanied her. After the examination, she pressed the needle with one hand and carried a bag with information in the other hand. She couldn\’t push the glass door of the clinic area open, but she couldn\’t find her husband to help her. It turned out that my husband hid in a corner, and when he saw her coming, he complained first: \”There are too many people in this hospital! The air is not good! I hurriedly hide here and stand for a while…\” The friend was speechless – Have you ever thought about how hard it is for me to go for a prenatal check-up alone? At that moment, she was so disappointed that she didn\’t even want to lose her temper. From then on, she assumed that she was a single mother with a husband. Since he had been asked to take care of the children and couldn\’t do them well, why should she be angry? Slowly, she became the leader inside and outside, and her husband became increasingly marginalized. Are men innately incapable of raising children? Not long ago, I watched the couple Yi Nengjing and Qin Hao on \”Mom is Superman\”. There was a scene that impressed me deeply. On the one hand, they were so busy that their eyes were swollen and they couldn\’t even take care of going to the hospital. They also had to take care of the young and old.Mom, on one side is the dad who never forgets to play with his mobile phone when spending time with his baby. Although Yi Nengjing defended her husband afterwards, saying that he only played games for 1 hour out of 24 hours a day, Qin Hao\’s words were there: \”I can only give my children so much love. No matter how much I love it, it\’s not that I don\’t want to do it. My ability is here.\” Hahaha, does it sound familiar? How many men use this as an excuse to feel confident that they can\’t raise children? Mothers have maternal instincts, but don’t forget that the moment a child is born, most mothers become mothers for the first time. Even if Yi Nengjing has taken care of a baby, it was almost 20 years ago. Who can compare with others’ experience? How much? Why is it easier for mothers to fall into roles, go through fire and water for their children, and accidentally become a \”superman\”, while it is difficult for fathers to be truly considerate and share the hard work of parenting like mothers? ——It’s not ability or talent, but a sense of dedication. There is a particularly classic saying in \”The Little Prince\”: \”Others will think that my rose is the same as you, but she alone is better than all of you. Because I watered her. Because I put her in it.\” In the flower canopy. Because I protected her with a screen. Because I got rid of the caterpillars on her body. Because I listened to her complaints, her boasts, and sometimes even her silence. Because she is me Rose.\” In fact, the rose of the little prince is no different from the other five thousand roses in the garden. It is the care of the rose by the little prince that gives the rose its value and meaning in his heart. From the perspective of psychological cognitive dissonance, if a person puts a lot of effort into something (action), but his attitude is that he is disgusted with it (attitude), then behavior and attitude will form. The inconsistency causes inner anxiety. People have the instinct to have consistent behaviors and attitudes. The more they give, the more willing they are to believe that their actions are right and continue to give. After experiencing morning sickness, the anxiety of prenatal check-ups, the severe pain of childbirth, and the nursing life of staying awake at night to take care of newborns, mothers’ love and skills for their children are formed through their efforts day after day. If the father of the child has always been just a What about the bystanders? It is certainly easier for him to stand and talk without back pain. We all want our fathers to be more involved and dedicated. The question is, how to do this? While attending a course taught by Positive Discipline co-founder Lynn Lott, a mother burst into tears and said that the biggest difficulty she encountered was that her husband did not take care of the children and could not share the burden with her. Lynn stood up and took a pillow impromptuly, \”Pretend this is a baby and you play my husband.\” She walked up to her \”husband\” and put the pillow into his arms, \”Hey, honey, I I have to go out to class today and won’t come back until tonight. I’ll leave the baby to you, bye!” Then – he left chicly. Everyone was stunned. Yes, it\’s that simple! Do you want your partner to share more of the hard work of raising children? First of all, you have to let go and give men more opportunities to raise children. You don’t have to wait for training to mature before taking up the job, it’s now, immediately, right away! Many mothers may think, how can this work? My husband doesn\’t know how to take care of the children at all. He will definitely put the children aside to play with his mobile phone. He will definitely yell at the children! I\’m not worried…The second step to encourage your husband to take care of more children is to have full trust instead of suspicion. When I was studying, I found that when I was most efficient, I was flipping through books and asking the teacher with questions. In the same way, if a man has never raised a child or encountered a specific problem, how can he be interested in knowing the answer? Only when we have personally participated in the battle, whether it is as small as how to warm milk and feed, or as big as how to soothe crying, will we ask for help. Only then will it be our turn to bring out our mother\’s experience and use personal demonstration and sharing instead of preaching to help others. The husband naturally learns to take care of the baby. Countless times, I have heard that mothers are full of distrust of their husbands. Occasionally, they make up their minds and hand over their children to their husbands. When they come back, they see a mess on the ground, feed snacks that should not be given to their children, and buy snacks that should not be given to their children. He gave the toys to me casually, and then – he was so angry: How did you take care of your child? Not once have you ever made me feel at ease! How many times have I told you, can you please take some snacks? These few words are a nuclear weapon to stop men from raising children. If it were a neighborhood aunt, an elder at home, a company owner, a colleague, or even a stranger who said these words to us, we would be furious in a minute. The third step in letting your husband take care of the baby is to encourage him in time and pick out the things he did well so that his husband can have a sense of accomplishment in raising the baby. \”The baby is very happy today. He stayed with you for two hours.\” \”You told the baby the story of the caterpillar today and she liked it very much. You read the story to her in the evening and she asked for this one from the row of books!\” Isn\’t that right? To praise others, give it a try and let your husband build up his inner motivation in the positive cycle of raising a baby (raising a baby – being encouraged for doing well – and wanting to raise a baby next time). The principles of \”connect first and then correct\” and \”do well only when you feel good\” in positive discipline are also applicable to men. It sets a positive tone and then makes some suggestions to tell him what the needs of you and your child are and how. It will be better if you do it, and it will be easier for men to accept it. Going back to Little T\’s question at the beginning, I told her that divorce might be a solution, but if the other person is not bad at heart and you have had a sweet, understanding and loving life, then maybe he doesn\’t know how to deal with it yet. A qualified father. Before deciding to give up, it is better to try and give him a chance to learn. The key to getting rid of widowed parenting is to smartly let the child\’s father \”pay\”. The reason why your rose is precious is because you devoted your time to her. Finally, dads are reminded that no one can replace the role of a father in the family. The time you devote to your children will be rewarded countless times in the future. And this comes not only from the surprises of your child\’s growth, but also from your wife\’s love and gratitude for you, and from the harmonious family atmosphere, which will give your career a huge boost. The proof of a truly successful man is not just riding the waves in the mall, but also having the ability to make his children laugh and his wife feel relaxed and youthful. After all, when we look back on our childhood, the \”heroic dad\” in our eyes was not just about how much money he had, but about letting us ride on his neck in the crowds of people in the park on weekends, laughing and watching the distant scenery together. Happiness is in your hands, remember to hold on tight.