My mother can only do housework and nothing else

Daqin recently suffered a critical blow from life. The incident stemmed from the fact that my daughter, who is in fourth grade, participated in an open research project group at the school. Since it may involve some relatively complex research, the school also invited parents to participate in order to provide the children with necessary support. The eight families in the group agreed to meet on weekends to get to know each other. Daqin was afraid of embarrassing her daughter, so she changed out of her greasy home clothes and put on a skirt she used to wear at work, and went there in high spirits. However, it still failed to escape the fate of being dwarfed by comparison! Parents and children enthusiastically discussed the feasibility of each topic. Daqin could only shrink in the crowd and listen to other parents talking loudly, but she could not get in the middle of the conversation. She didn\’t even understand what \”big data\”, \”paid knowledge\”, \”social economy\” and \”O2O\” meant. She originally thought that the research group was to study how to do homework, how to solve problems, and how to improve academic performance. Later, a parent suggested that we learn about the strengths of each parent so that we can provide corresponding support when the children study similar topics. The children rushed to recommend their mothers. \”My mother is a writer\” \”My mother is good at psychology\” \”My mother can draw illustrations\”… When it was Daqin\’s turn, the daughter said quietly: \”My mother can only do housework and nothing else.\” !\” Daqin looked embarrassed and wanted to find a crack in the ground to crawl in. After returning home, she looked at herself seriously in the mirror: under the constant exposure to oil fumes, her once smooth skin had become rough and dull, losing its luster, and the wrinkles around her eyes had become clear. She was only 37 years old, but she had been neglected in the past few years. She looks as old as a woman in her 40s. What\’s even more sad is that, unknowingly, I have lost myself and become the mother that my children look down upon! I remember that Daqin used to be an invincible person who was galloping around in the workplace. But after giving birth to a child, I couldn\’t hear what was going on outside the window, and all I could see was the child\’s shit and piss. She gave up on improving her career and her hobbies. Daqin even put away her professional books and focused solely on parenting, turning her originally good life prospects into a despised, useless middle-aged woman. She thought that by giving up her own pursuits and focusing on her children, she would be giving them the best education. However, she did not know that the best education for children is for mothers to become the best versions of themselves. When Yang Lan shared her story, she said, “For a child, what is more important is to see her mother enjoying her work and life so much. She has seen such a big world and brought back interesting stories. When you encounter confusion, your mother can always give you the right guidance.\” Self-pursuing mothers are self-reliant, self-reliant, have their own interest in life, and their own growth direction. They live a rich, interesting, healthy and progressive life. With mother in front of them, children can naturally learn the wisdom and skills of life from their mother, have full vision, unique insights, and ways to get along with society! A mother who pursues her goals is the best education for her children. There is a family on the same floor. Their children go to junior high school and their mother stays with them full time. Almost every morning I go to work,We all meet mothers accompanying their sons to school, and every day in the elevator, the mother always enthusiastically asks her children what they want to eat for lunch, and then she will inevitably ask herself whether to stir-fry cabbage or stewed ribs for lunch, and her son always absent-mindedly I automatically ignored my mother\’s questions and said nothing, every day. One day, the chubby boy finally couldn\’t hold it back and asked his mother: \”Mom, do you really have nothing else to do?\” His mother was stunned: \”My daily job is to cook for you. I will accompany you to school! You are everything to me!\” A loving and satisfied smile appeared on my mother\’s face, and then she continued to talk endlessly about what dishes to prepare for lunch today and what clothes to wash in the afternoon. A complicated look flashed across the child\’s face, and he hesitated to speak. In the eyes of mothers, their children are everything to them. They can give up themselves, devote themselves wholeheartedly, and put all their efforts into their children; but in the eyes of children, when they grow up, they also expect a caring person. A far-sighted and insightful mother can give them spiritual nourishment and a bounded living space for their growth. They no longer need meticulous care in life, but more need to be recognized and understood spiritually. Our psychological research team once conducted a research project at school, one of which was \”mother\’s degree of socialization and anxiety about children\’s learning.\” The survey found that mothers who have their own career pursuits or hobbies tend to have a more relaxed attitude towards their children\’s learning, while those mothers who only focus on their children and regard cultivating children as their only pursuit in life are more likely to be Anxiety, every test score of a child is a barometer that affects their nerves. They have no hobbies and pursuits of their own. All the focus of their lives is tied to their children, breathing together, sharing honor and disgrace. In their eyes, a child\’s poor homework completion or unsatisfactory test results are related to their future plans and deeply affect their fragile nerves. There was even a mother who kept complaining that her child did not do well in the exam after her child got a score of 98. In her eyes, she only took care of her baby without going to work, and her baby couldn\’t score 100 points in the exam, and she felt that she could not perform well. You can imagine that behind such an anxious mother, there is a child who is suppressed. Children need free space and timely guidance to grow. One day, they will no longer be satisfied with the communication with their mother being limited to eating braised pork or steamed fish. He will long for his mother to chat with him about Heiology or Freud. He also needs an upbeat and pursuing mother who can use her life attitude and life experience as a background for him, who can not only provide suggestions on the general direction of life, but also have a mind full of the delicate and interesting life. If a mother has pursuits, her children will be better. There is a term in psychology called \”pathological symbiosis\”, which refers to mothers who devote all they have to their children, putting too much energy on their children and never clarifying the boundaries with their children, so they are unable to separate from their children, and their The child will always cooperate with her \”loyally\” and stay in a state of needing care like a baby, unable to truly grow up. Mom never lets go of everything, kidThey will never be able to grow psychologically, so there are so many giant babies and mama\’s boys in this society, and there are also so many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Mothers with self-pursuits have their own independent space and know how to let go of their children at the right time. They will not put all their energy into their children, nor will they let their children\’s every move affect their own. Joy, anger, sorrow, and the love between mother and child are intimate but full of boundaries, and tenderness is not lacking in guidance. American writer Jonathan Kozol wrote in the book \”Nirvana or Destruction\”: In low-income families in the United States, there are still a group of middle-class mothers who care about current affairs and politics, work hard, and are good at thinking. They will not sink spiritually. Nor will they be passively appointed and fire the proud flowers amid the pressure of life and trivial parenting. And their children are more likely to have a better future. A pursuing mother is a true role model for her children. Be a pursuing mother and achieve yourself. Because the most effective education for children is to let them see how their mother spends her life and how she gets along with the world.