My niece pinched off my daughter’s finger. My family asked me to be tolerant and understanding, but I couldn’t do it.

Dandan, who was under 6 years old, encountered a very unfortunate thing not long ago. Dandan and his father both live very close to grandma’s house, so the two families go to grandma’s house for dinner together every day. My uncle has a cousin who is one year younger than Dandan and is more naughty. One day after the Spring Festival, Dandan and her cousin were playing in a room at her grandma\’s house. Dandan was thirsty and wanted to go to the kitchen to drink water, but her cousin hadn\’t had enough fun yet and was unhappy when she saw Dandan leaving, so she went to the kitchen to drink water. He slammed the door hard, but at this time, Dandan\’s hand was still holding on the door frame! With a scream, Dandan\’s mother saw that the child\’s index finger was caught in the crack of the door! The entire front joint of Dandan\’s right index finger was broken by the door. After being sent to the city hospital, the doctor said that he would need \”subcutaneous embedding\”, which is to bury the broken part in the stomach through surgery. 20 Tianhou underwent a second operation to remove the severed finger and sew it on. Parents can roughly imagine how much suffering the children have suffered. Unfortunately, the operation was not very successful, and the front end of Dandan\’s index finger is now necrotic. The doctor said that it will grow back slowly in the future, but the index finger will be shorter than the index finger of the left hand, the nail part will not be fully grown, it will be ugly, and the function of the finger will be affected. Dandan\’s mother was extremely distressed. For several months, \”Every night, I dreamed that my daughter\’s hand was injured. I always woke up from the dream. When I woke up, I realized that this was a real thing and could never be changed. It was even sadder than in the dream.\” No matter what I do during the day, I will always think of my child\’s hands. \”My daughter is so good, why should she be hurt like this?\” Shortly after Dandan was discharged from the hospital after her second surgery, Dandan\’s mother, husband and children went to her mother-in-law\’s house for dinner. The cousin saw Dandan\’s fingers wrapped with gauze and heard that she had just been discharged from the hospital. She asked innocently: \”Sister, why did you go to the hospital? Where are you sick?\” The moment Dandan\’s mother heard this, Almost collapsed. She thought that her brother-in-law, siblings, parents-in-law, and others would at least criticize and educate her little niece and make her realize that she had caused serious harm to others. At least, the niece should apologize to Dandan, and at least she should understand her sister\’s Something happened to the finger. A 5-year-old child can already understand many things, but she is still so \”innocent\”. My child suffered such great harm, and I blamed myself and regretted myself for not protecting her ten thousand times, one hundred million times, and could not sleep at night. And the perpetrator can be so ignorant! Dandan\’s mother endured and endured it before she said any unpleasant words. What\’s even more irritating is that one day not long ago, when two children were playing together, the cousin lost his temper and actually picked up a toy and hit Dandan\’s injured finger. Dandan\’s mother was so angry that she was shaking all over and asked her little niece: \”Why did you hit her injured finger? Did you mean it?\” Unexpectedly, the little niece once again said innocently: \”Yes, I hit her finger on purpose.\” !\” The little niece\’s parents were both present at the time, but her father didn\’t say anything. The mother said to the child calmly: \”Go and apologize to your sister.\” That tone was as if she just accidentally stepped on her sister\’s shoes. Same. What is even more unexpected is that after the angry niece refused to apologize, no one asked about the matter. Dandan cried loudly in pain, the cry was like a steel needleIt pierced the mother\’s eardrum, and the child\’s injured index finger pierced the mother\’s heart like a sharp knife. She couldn\’t bear it anymore and walked over to warn her little niece: \”You can\’t hit your sister on the finger in the future! Otherwise, I will shut you out!\” Dandan\’s mother\’s threats triggered the anger of her shrewd younger siblings. She rushed over and said, \”Why are you so petty? The child pinched her unintentionally. How can you be like this? How can you lose your temper like this? How old is he!\” So the two sisters had a big quarrel. Got one. After that, Dandan’s mother reduced the number of meals she went to her mother-in-law’s house to avoid her younger siblings and niece. However, the father-in-law and mother-in-law felt that Dandan’s mother was not generous enough, “What does a four- or five-year-old child know? It’s not intentional!” “You are such an old person, and you are still arguing with your child. Besides, there is no point in arguing. !\” These words hurt Dandan\’s mother a second time. Every time she heard her parents-in-law say this, she felt helpless and almost went crazy with anger. Even her husband, who is honest and responsible, advised Dandan\’s mother that her niece was not sensible and that the matter should be over. They all hope that Dandan\’s mother can act as if nothing happened, but Dandan\’s mother feels that she can\’t do it. \”I hate them, I hate my brother-in-law and siblings for being unapologetic, I hate my parents-in-law for being partial, I even hate God for treating my daughter unfairly! When I think of her fingers and everything she will face when she grows up, I feel like the sky is gray .\” Dandan\’s mother felt that she was particularly pessimistic and suspected that she was already mildly depressed. \”Mother Nuoxi, what do you think I should do?\” she asked me. What happened to Dandan made me, a mother of two daughters, tearful! Dandan’s mother’s heartache and self-blame can be understood and imagined by every mother. The first time she described \”burying her fingers in her belly\” to me, I actually didn\’t understand what was going on, but I didn\’t dare to ask carefully. Any related memories would be another revelation to Dandan\’s mother. Opening a wound is too cruel. After searching for \”subcutaneous embedding\” on the Internet, I had a rough understanding of this kind of surgery: \”…After nail extraction, internal fixation, and superficial epidermal removal, it was buried under the skin of the ipsilateral palm, chest, and abdomen, 16- After 20 days, the severed finger will be taken out from under the skin and replanted…\” These few lines made me tremble with fear. I dare not think about the pain the child will have to endure during the operation. And all this pain originated from an action of my little niece. After reading the introduction of \”subcutaneous implantation\”, I had a deeper understanding of Dandan\’s mother\’s inner feelings. Dandan is only 6 years old now, and she still doesn’t know how important a healthy and beautiful hand is to a person (especially a woman), but Dandan’s mother knows, and we all know. When Dandan grows up, she will also know. She may have low self-esteem because of this and dare not extend her hand in front of others or take the initiative to shake hands with others. She would receive many strange looks, and would be asked many times: \”What\’s wrong with your hand?\” Then she would uncover the scars countless times to explain things to others. As a mother, if I could, I would rather cut off all ten of my fingers, as long as I could have one of my children\’s fingers safe. If the person who hurt Dandan was a bystander or an adult, Dandan\’s mother could resent and seek revenge to vent her inner anger. However,Facing an ignorant little niece, she could not retaliate or resent her, and was even asked to be tolerant and understanding. No wonder Dandan’s mother said she was almost suffering from depression. She said she couldn\’t like her little niece and asked me what to do. My answer is: Why do you like her? The Bible says: If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him also the other cheek. I am not a religious person, nor do I want to be a saint. I am just an ordinary woman. As for the person who slapped me on the left cheek, no matter whether he was intentional or unintentional, I don\’t like him. If I can, I will fight back. If not, I will choose to leave. A person hurts my child. If I don\’t hate him or take revenge on him, this is my limit. Asking me to forgive him, I can\’t do it. If you want me to pretend that nothing happened, you are making things difficult for me. My niece is a relative and a child. Her harm is unintentional. I don’t need to regard her as an enemy. If my brother-in-law and sister-in-law educate my niece and make her understand her fault, and if they express their apology to my children, I may be able to treat her as an acquaintance. Otherwise, in my eyes, they can only be regarded as passers-by. I don’t want to persuade Dandan’s mother to be generous and tolerant. Others will never be able to relate to the pain and hurt she and Dandan have experienced. I dare not advise Dandan’s mother to harbor resentment. After all, not being broad-minded is not something to be proud of. I just want to tell Dandan’s mother to follow your heart and forgive if you can. If you can’t forgive, don’t forgive. To be kind to yourself, you must accept your own strengths and weaknesses, as well as your various emotions, accept that you are a not tolerant person, and allow yourself not to forgive certain things and certain people!