My sincere advice: How to deal with a child having a bad temper? Don’t say these 3 sentences.

I’m afraid it’s common for many parents for their children to act up and act out: when they see a favorite toy while shopping, they clamor to buy it, and if they don’t agree, they roll around and get angry; they say they wash their faces, brush their teeth and go to bed after watching an episode of cartoons, but in the end, they all fall asleep after watching an episode of cartoons. This kind of dishonesty does not admit the blame;… Faced with a child who cries and behaves if they disagree with each other, many parents whisper and empathize at first, but what they get in return is that the child turns a deaf ear; then they break the truth and crush it into pieces, but The child remained stubborn and cried endlessly. Until the parents are so angry that they start shouting… As a psychologist in the field of child development and education, Teacher Su Jing often has to face this kind of difficult situation. Especially after getting used to Dabao, who is good at management and communication, and suddenly faced with a \”high demand\” second treasure, he often steps on the second treasure when he acts and rolls around, which can be said to be full of practical experience. She told us that when a child loses his temper, the three most common sentences parents say are most likely to \”add fuel to the fire\” and should never be said casually. Today we ask her to talk about how to avoid direct confrontation with children and effectively coax them. These 3 sentences add fuel to the fire. Don’t talk nonsense when your baby is crying. When facing a child who has an emotional breakdown, the first thing you need is to “protect from lightning”. The three things we most easily say casually are like stepping on a child\’s \”emotional minefield\” and adding tar to the fire. They will only intensify the conflict and make the child cry more and more. 1. \”Don\’t cry! I don\’t want you to cry anymore!\” This is a typical \”suppression strategy\” because people often fall into the misunderstanding that the best way to regulate emotions is to suppress them. Research shows that people tend to believe that suppression, the suppression of superficial signs of emotion, is an effective strategy. For example, a man should not shed tears lightly. No matter how sad he is, he cannot cry or shed tears. No matter how angry he is, he cannot yell or frown. This method of treating the symptoms but not the root cause blindly suppresses the child\’s emotions, just like a balloon that is constantly inflated. It will always reach the critical point of exploding, and the small emotional volcano will erupt for you in minutes. Parents are very likely to use this inefficient emotion regulation strategy and ask their children not to cry or make noises, and to be a good and well-behaved baby. This just makes the baby who cannot get empathy even more emotional breakdown, and the more he cries, the more he cries, and he cannot stop it at all. live. 2. \”What\’s the point of crying?! Stop crying. Tell me what you want!\” This is a typical \”dissuasion strategy.\” Faced with the unrelenting screaming and crying of their children, parents will always torture their souls with \”You\’re crying?\” what?\”. The effectiveness of discouraging strategies depends on whether the child feels acceptance or rejection. Acceptable dissuasion means that when parents dissuade children, they accept their emotions and convey understanding in a soothing tone, for example: \”I understand you are still disappointed, and this is normal. I am here to accompany you and wait for you. Calm down and we can do something else together. \”For younger children, a hug can make them feel more accepted. When children feel their emotions are accepted, they can let go of their resistance and defensiveness and have the courage to face their emotions. In contrast, dismissive dissuasion conveys an impatient, angry, or commanding tone or emotion, which may make the child feel emotionally negated and more difficult to calm down. At this time, I am anxious to reason with my children., I want to ask the child why, but naturally it won’t work. Especially for babies under 3 years old, the language expression is not smooth enough, and it is even more difficult to express words in their hearts. The more anxious they are, the more unclear they are, and the more unclear they are, the more they cry. 3. \”Cry, you can cry as much as you want!\” This is a typical \”ignoring strategy.\” For children, crying is not only to vent their emotions, but sometimes to attract parents\’ attention. If parents do the opposite and react indifferently to their children\’s cries, or even pretend not to hear or pay attention, the children will not receive timely responses and will instead feel unsafe, lonely, and even develop \”Mom and Dad don\’t love you\” The erroneous belief that \”I am a bad baby\” or \”I am a bad baby\” will only make children immersed in a whirlpool of negative emotions. From my experience of getting along with my second child for nearly four years, I have found that if he wants something, he must give it to him, and if he wants to do something, he must do it. If you use the above three sentences to be tough, he will be even tougher than you, and he will cry and howl for two hours without stopping. Faced with a child who has a tantrum, even if the parents use all kinds of martial arts, they can\’t get rid of a little kid who won\’t eat anything. It makes people question their life: I have spent all my patience in coaxing the baby, but why do I still cry? Is one sound louder than the other? Are parents really just helpless and anxious? Remember these three steps to soothe your child when he or she cries endlessly. Most of the reasons why children cry endlessly are because their needs are not being met and they are unable to express and regulate their emotions. At this time, parents need to provide patient companionship and help. We might as well do it in three steps: The first step is to calm down your own emotions when the two parties are in conflict. Children\’s self-control and emotional management abilities are far inferior to those of adults. As adults, we cannot fully control ourselves when our emotions are high, and we will inevitably yell and act. We should not have too high expectations and requirements for our children\’s \”self-control\”. We can only calm down and say silently: biological, biological, biological, the child does not want it, the child does not want it, the child does not want it, the child does not want it… The second step is to give Give your child space to lose his temper, and don’t insist on stopping or correcting it. Give your child some space to reconcile with himself, and don\’t rush to stop crying. It is not difficult for us to find that whether the child is one year old or seven years old, when the child is emotional, kissing, hugging and patting is a panacea method to calm the child down quickly. However, at younger ages, the time for hugging and coaxing may be less. , the older ones spend more time hugging and coaxing. When the child\’s emotions are at their peak, they may refuse their parents\’ embrace. Don\’t be discouraged at this time. You can stay with the child and tell the child: Baby, cry if you want. Mom/Dad will always be with you. If the child happens to be here, If you cry in public places such as parks and shopping malls, you might as well take your child to a quiet corner and vent your emotions with him. The third step is to wait for the child\’s emotions to cool down and help the child recognize their emotions and solve the problem through empathy. The end of a child\’s emotional storm does not mean that everything is over. This is a good time to help the child understand and manage their emotions. Parents can express their understanding of their children\’s mood and sympathize with their children\’s feelings by describing the scene just now: I know I couldn\’t continue just now.You feel very depressed and reluctant to continue watching cartoons. So your chest is rising and falling, and you feel like crying uncontrollably. These are normal emotional signals. Mom is very happy to see you breathing hard and gradually calming down. Breathing is a good way to calm down! Tomorrow we can think about how we can find time to watch one more episode. For example, brush your teeth quickly and take a shower without procrastination? Or switch cartoon time and reading time and do it before meals? Or parents can add a little humor and take the initiative to resolve the tense atmosphere first, such as \”Your little mouth is pouted so high that you can hang a towel. Are you unhappy?\” \”Oh, there are golden beans in your eyes.\” It\’s spinning, it\’s about to fall, is the baby sad?\” Work with your child to re-examine and understand the reasons for their emotions, and let them slowly learn how to adjust their emotions correctly. Then help the child come up with ways to solve the problem or meet the needs. For example, instead of watching cartoons, you can read picture books, change toys, etc., to help the child focus on solving the problem instead of crying.