My son in junior high school \”hates his classmates\” and refuses to go to school: I gave him 3 suggestions, which instantly helped him relieve his frustration and rekindle his enthusiasm for learning.

01 My son is 13 years old this year and has just entered the first grade of junior high school. During elementary school, although he was not a top student, he was obedient and worked hard, and his grades were always good. After entering junior high school, although the learning difficulty increased and the workload increased a lot, my son did not complain at all. Every morning, without my reminding him, when he hears the alarm clock, he gets up, washes up, and goes to school happily. In the preliminary test after admission, my son ranked first in the class in English and was appointed by the teacher as the English class representative. Now, my son is more energetic, has high demands on himself, and is very attentive when studying. But what I never expected was that such an active and studious child, less than two months after school started, suddenly started asking for leave and no longer wanted to go to school! The reason why I didn\’t go to school was because I hated a classmate in the class! In fact, I have known for a long time that my son is disgusted with this classmate. Not long after school started, my son complained to me that the boy at the front desk was very close to him at first and they had a good relationship. I don’t know why, but this boy likes to speak against his son. \”I didn\’t offend him either. He was like a fly, buzzing next to me. It was so annoying!\” After hearing my son\’s description, I felt it was quite annoying. But that\’s the way it is in a group, we can\’t ask everyone to like us. And after all, it is a matter between children, and there is no serious problem. It is not easy for me to go online and go to the other parent. So, I comforted my son not to pay attention to this classmate. If he doesn\’t like you, just stay away; if he teases you with words, just ignore him and ignore him. As time goes by, he will find it boring and stop messing with you. But during that period of time, this boy could not get rid of his son\’s mouth. Every time we chatted for a few words, my son would turn to this annoying boy and make all kinds of complaints and accusations. In the beginning, I could still remain rational and listen to comfort. But soon, I lost my patience and was unwilling to listen to my son\’s complaints. \”Can you stop talking about others every day? If you can\’t slap him, why would he target you? Do you have any problems yourself? I\’ve told you, don\’t pay attention to him, focus on yourself. You just talk about him every day. What did they do to you? Did they not let you study or attend the class? How are you preparing for this monthly exam? Focus on your studies!\” His son gradually stopped talking, but his mood became more and more intense. Depressed and often out of state when studying. The monthly exam scores dropped severely. The teacher sent me a message asking me to urge my son to pay attention and concentrate on his studies. When I got home, I scolded my son and ordered him to correct his attitude and give me his grades. \”When my children enter junior high school, they become even tighter. But you are so focused on confronting your classmates. A classmate makes you restless and useless!\” But then, his son\’s reaction was different. It caught me by surprise. He broke down emotionally and threw his textbooks and bag all over the floor. While crying, he yelled at me: Yes, I am just worthless, I just annoy him and hate him! I will never go to school again! ! 02 In the next few days, my son really refused to go to school! My husband and I took turns trying to reason, even scolding, but my son was full of resistance. I really don\’t want toTong, a good child will not go to school just because he hates his classmates! In those days, feelings of incomprehension and anxiety enveloped me, making me unable to sleep or eat well. If my son really takes the path of dropping out of school, his studies will be over! I began to search online for information on adolescent relationships, suspension of school, and refusal to attend school, eager to find answers to my questions. It wasn\’t until I saw the analysis and narration by a psychological expert that I finally understood why my son became like this. Many parents tend to look at conflicts between children from an adult perspective, condescendingly. In the eyes of adults, these are really not worth mentioning. But for adolescent children, getting along with and relating to peers is never a trivial matter. Psychological research shows that children at this stage are in the social period. Their main source of identity and emotional support is their peers. At this stage, a friendly and supportive environment and peers can satisfy adolescents’ psychological needs such as security and belonging. The hostility and rejection of peers are inseparable from the depression and negative psychology of teenagers. Therefore, for children in this period, being targeted, hostile, or isolated by their peers is a big problem. If they can\’t solve it, they tell their parents and expect their parents to teach them what to do. But the way I handled it was tantamount to giving my son another serious blow. I looked at the problems and difficulties my son encountered according to my own adult ideas, and I thought it was no big deal. Just letting him ignore it and not taking it seriously will only make him more helpless. It wasn’t until through study that I realized that teenagers don’t have the maturity to deal with these problems, even though I thought it was easy. After understanding the underlying principles, I reorganized the problem and gave my son three highly feasible suggestions, which successfully helped him get out of the predicament. Next, I will share it with you in detail. 031. Teach your children to recognize a reality – not everyone meets your expectations, and you should give your sincerity to the right person. In fact, when my son complained to me in the past, although I listened, I didn\’t take it seriously. Because I think from the bottom of my heart that a classmate you hate doesn\’t matter. Now, I open my heart to my son to listen and understand his true inner thoughts. My son told me that it was actually nothing serious, so there was no point in looking for a teacher. This boy would take away his son\’s pen and let him look for it for a long time; when his son, as a class representative, arranged some content, this boy would deliberately not cooperate and embarrass his son, and so on. These seemingly small things to us have caused great trouble and mental burden to our son. He told me that it was difficult to fall asleep every night when he went to bed. When he thought about going to school tomorrow and this classmate didn\’t know how to deal with himself, he felt irritated and scared, and he really didn\’t want to go to school. Only then did I realize that the problems my son encountered were beyond his ability to solve, which caused so much trouble and even torture to him. For the first time, I treated my son as an adult, analyzing and providing him with advice: We all hope that the people around us will treat us with a very kind and sincere attitude. But in this way, we actually fall into the misunderstanding of judging others by ourselves. In this world, there are some people who know how toNot like us. Therefore, in addition to getting along with the people around us with the greatest kindness, we must also improve our own mind. Not only can you accept the differences between others and yourself, but you must also learn to accept the fact that no matter what you do, there will be people who don\’t like you. I found some psychological information for my son on the Internet about interpersonal relationships, training thinking, and improving the mind. Each video can explain a small truth, and the content is simple and profound, which makes him gain a lot after watching it. In this way, my son broadened his mind, expanded his mind, and gradually learned to look at problems from different perspectives. He also gradually understood that he could not ask others to meet his expectations, nor should he compete with \”garbage people\”! What others do is their freedom; how you respond is what you can control. 2. Guide your son to expand his social circle, find a social circle that makes him comfortable, and select suitable classmates. Children\’s world is small, and they often regard a few people around them as everything. In fact, as soon as people pass the age of 100, there are all kinds of strange things. It is normal to have people around you who you don’t like, or who don’t like you. Therefore, I suggest that my son take the initiative to expand the scope of familiarity and not be limited to the front, back, left, and right of the class seats. \”As long as you are willing, you can meet like-minded friends wherever you go.\” The son did as he was told. In the process of preparing for the English speech contest, my son and another contestant in the class often prepared manuscripts together, and the two quickly became familiar with each other. During the competition, he met a very good player in the next class. In his son\’s words, he was a \”hexagonal academic master.\” During the interaction with these classmates, my son discovered that people are really different from each other. Among peers, some are still taking pleasure in antagonizing their classmates, while others have already found the high school and university they want to go to and are already fighting for it. My son told me that he wanted to be friends with such a person. I asked, what about the classmate who targeted you before? The son shook his head: \”He is too naive. We are not the same people. I ignore whatever he does now and ignore him at all. He may also find it boring himself and basically has no interaction with me.\” Guide the child to move forward Going out and contacting more people and the bigger world is like the difference between dropping a drop of ink into a water glass and a washbasin. He will clearly feel that pain and troubles are diluted, but his vision is constantly broadening. 3. In the face of provocation and non-cooperation, give a neutral emotional response. The best solution is \”ignore + indifference\”. People cannot ask others to change, they can only change their own reactions. At first, this classmate only targeted him intentionally or unintentionally. For example, when passing by, he happened to knock off his book, or when chatting, he opposed him. But perhaps seeing his son\’s counterattack as innocuous as it was, the boy became bolder and kept touching his son\’s boundaries. I asked my son, how did you react when he provoked you in the past? My son said that if he scolded me, I would scold him; if he pushed away my book, I would throw away his pen. I told my son: Your reaction is exactly what he wants to see, because you have a strong \”response\”. He gains a sense of satisfaction and presence through your aroused reaction. This is why people like to tease cats and dogs, but not a table.Sample. Kittens and puppies will give all kinds of reactions, but the table is there. Therefore, when faced with someone who actively provokes you, the best response is to ignore + ignore. Don\’t give him any interactive reaction, just use a neutral emotional reaction to get along with him. For example, if he takes away your book, you just need to get it back instead of throwing away his pen and having a back-and-forth confrontation with him. . Gradually, he will find it boring and will give up these boring words and deeds. The son thought for a while and said, let me try it. A week later, my son happily told me that this method worked really well. That day on the playground, many classmates were standing there. He threw a ball at me. I wanted to hit the ball back. But I held back and didn\’t look at him or the ball. I just talked to the classmate next to me normally and walked away together. He was surprised that he didn\’t bother me that afternoon. When collecting English homework yesterday, he deliberately didn\’t hand it in. I didn\’t care, so I went straight to collect other people\’s homework. After collecting it, I told the students who hadn\’t handed it in to put it in front of me before 4 o\’clock, and I would hand it to the teacher on time. After a while, I saw him quietly put his homework on it. My son said that when the boy stops teasing and asks him serious questions, he will tell him normally and speak normally. Within a few days, this boy calmed down a lot and no longer did things multiple times a day. Seeing the relief and relaxed and happy expression on my son\’s face made me happy too. After getting rid of the troubles of the outside world, his mind finally calmed down and returned to his usual study rhythm. I asked him jokingly: Do you still want to drop out of school if you meet a classmate you hate again? The son laughed loudly: Why should I drop out of school? Whoever hates me will drop out of school! A teenage crisis in the human-machine relationship was resolved in this way. Before my son entered adolescence, I had read some news and cases about his son dropping out of school because he was tired of studying. But it was my turn to realize that in the sensitive and troubled adolescence period, any issue that is not handled well will trigger the child\’s tiredness of studying! As parents, we must maintain a learning mentality and continue to grow. Only in this way can we give our children the right scientific guidance!