Never be \”friends\” with your children at an age when you should set rules for them

In recent years, there has been a parenting saying of \”becoming friends with your children\”, which emphasizes that in life, parents should respect their children and get along with them like friends. There is no doubt that parents should give their children love, freedom and space for independent activities, but are parents really suitable to be friends with their children? Education comes first, make friends when you can. When children are young, parents always like to take their children to sign up for some trial classes in art, dance, piano, calligraphy, etc. After listening to the class, they ask the children very democratically: \”Do you like this class? If you like it, I will sign it up for you.\” Friendly Conversation, democratic choice, when we give the children the power to register for classes, it is equivalent to quietly passing the responsibility to the children. When their children don\’t want to go to school after a period of time, most parents will say, \”It was your decision in the beginning.\” What follows is a series of chaos and fights between parents and children over class. CCTV’s five premium documentaries on Chinese history and culture are treasured by children. As a parent, you must first fulfill your responsibilities as a parent, and secondly, become friends with your children. When your children are young, don\’t be anxious to be \”friends\” with them. Children of this age simply don\’t have the ability to measure and judge things. If you don\’t respect some social rules, if you don\’t restrain your child, he will only become more and more lawless. Dr. Maria Montessori pointed out that the age of 3-6 is a critical period for the formation of children\’s rule awareness and early behavioral habits. A study from Harvard University pointed out that 3-6 years old is the most critical period for the development of children\’s personality and behavioral habits. It can be described as the \”wet cement period\”. 85%-90% of a child\’s personality, thoughts, and behaviors are formed at this stage. Therefore, if no rules are established for children before the age of 6, no matter how good the education is, it will be useless. Therefore, never make friends with your children at an age when you should set rules. Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up. In recent years, the term \”sense of boundaries\” has become more and more important. But at home, it often becomes blurred because of loving children and becoming friends with them. \”The Art of Getting Along\” describes the sense of boundaries this way: the inner self-boundaries between people. The sense of boundaries, to put it bluntly, is to grasp the appropriate sense of proportion in interpersonal relationships. You have your space and I have my freedom without interfering with each other. Such boundaries can help us not to \”invade\” other people\’s territory at will, and at the same time protect ourselves from being disturbed. Only with a proper sense of boundaries can parents and children get along better. Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up. Because his heart has always been stuck in the primitive attachment stage. For example, if he has the ability to do something, he won\’t do it. He thinks it is all his parents\’ business. A very important reason why children lose their sense of boundaries is that parents themselves lack a sense of boundaries and choose to be friends with their children when they should set rules for their children. However, children need a sense of boundaries to grow. A lack of boundaries is the source of many painful relationships. For children, rules are boundaries, what can and cannot be done. The establishment of a sense of boundaries is a gradual learning process. If a child does not develop boundaries and a sense of rules before the age of 6, he will often do things in lifeThere are some things that cause headaches for parents. Parents need to establish authority in front of their children. The essence of education is the cultivation of parents. It is not simply to meet the child\’s requirements, but to cultivate his fear. Children with a sense of awe are more likely to follow rules, have stronger self-discipline and rationality in society in the future, and are more likely to succeed. Therefore, before the child is 6 years old, parents must establish authority in front of their children and make them fear you. The reverence of children for their parents is not to try every means to make the children afraid of themselves, but to establish the prestige of the parents in front of the children. Parents\’ reverence needs to be shaped bit by bit by parents in their lives. Educating children requires not only warmth, but also scale. The Montessori educational philosophy tells us that the three bottom lines in disciplining children cannot be violated, that is, do not harm yourself, do not disturb others, and do not damage the environment. Only families with warmth and principles can raise children with awe. The following three principles are for parents\’ reference: 1. There are some things that parents cannot be used to saying: \”There are rules at home, but it\’s okay for children to cheat!\” This is a common problem in many families: children don\’t listen to your rules and often cry. He blackmails his parents by making troubles and skipping meals. This is largely due to parents lowering the bottom line over and over again. One characteristic of spoiled children is that their demands are always met. When a problem arises for the first time, if an adult compromises out of face or is eager to calm down the child, it will only cause more trouble for themselves and the child in the future. 2. Children must bear some responsibilities themselves. There is this dialogue in the classic picture book \”I Will Always Love You\”: Ali: \”If I make feathers fly all over the pillow, will you still love me?\” Mom: \”I will always love you.\” You, but you have to gather your feathers.\” Ali: \”If I spill the paint on my sister, will you still love me?\” Mom: \”I will always love you, but you have to be responsible for your sister. Take a shower.” The mother in this story does an especially good job of going out of her way to promise, “I will always love you.” At the same time, he did not forget to emphasize: Children, you must be responsible for your own actions. You should try your best to recover or make up for the consequences of your actions. Parents cannot help their children escape, but should require their children to bear the consequences of their wrong words and deeds, so that their children have the honesty and courage to face their mistakes. 3. Love can be unconditional, but it must be principled. Love is the premise of education and the basis for establishing rules. Former U.S. President Obama mentioned in an interview with CNN that he gave his parenting experience: set rules and give love. Talking about the \”father\’s advice\” on educating his two daughters. Obama said: \”Give your children unconditional love. At the same time, set the general direction and some rules for them. Usually they will do very well.\” He once formulated nine family rules, which are not complicated in content, but highly operational and Very meaningful and worth reference. House Rule 1: No unreasonable complaints, quarrels or annoying teasing; House Rule 2: Make the bed, not just to look tidy; House Rule 3: Do your own things, such as making your own cereal or pouring your own milk, folding your own Quilt, set own alarm clock, get up and get dressed by yourself; house rules4: Keep the toy room clean. House rule 5: Help parents share housework, $1 per week; House rule 6: No luxurious gifts or gorgeous parties on birthdays or Christmas; House rule 7: Be on time at 8:30 every night Lights out. House Rule 8: Arrange a fulfilling after-school life: dancing, rehearsing, playing piano, tennis, and rugby; House Rule 9: No chasing stars. When parents set rules for their children, they can refer to the following six basic rules: 1. No rough and vulgar behavior. 2. You are not allowed to take other people’s things, and you must control your own things. 3. Put things back where you took them. 4. For toys and all public supplies, whoever gets them first can use them first, and those who come later must wait. 5. Don’t disturb others. 6. Apologize when you do something wrong, and have the right to ask others to apologize. Every word and deed of parents has an unforgettable impact on their children. If there is any parenting technique in the world that is the most effective. That’s what parents say and do! If you want to be friends with your children, be a respected mentor. A good teacher comes first, a helpful friend comes second. And tell the child: I love you, but I will never condone you.